Seeing the LIGHT

[Gijang]

Well, i warn you i got a long story, i think it can be worth the read. I am from Germany, born in Munich and got a troublesome Childhood. My Dad (atheist & well educated Writer and thinker) died when i was 9 and my Mother (Religious Christian Charismatik) died when i was 11.
My Mother forced me to attend every Morning to go to Pray in the Korean Church at 5 o clock in the morning with her, aswell as Sunday Worship and other things. She was BIG time religious, and often prayed for hours crying (i think about her beeing enslaved to sin). Well outside of Christianity, i had to play everyday Music Instruments and got beaten by her, because in the Word of God she said, stands you should beat your child.

Well, after they died, i hated God for a long time. But i got a gift from the start. It was trusting in Love. I always said to friends that God is Love, despite i didnt knew it was written in the bible. Maybe unconsiously. Well i searched for Truth, from the age 12 till now (i am 26 now) i searched the answer for the Question:"WHAT IS THE TRUTH?" i wanted to know that from deep down my heart.

God did get me to attend a Konservative Church, about 6 Years ago, after i learned about all the prophecies and such evidences and saw my life going nowhere i praied to Jesus to forgive me. But instead of enslaved to "Sin" i know was enslaved to "Pride" for beeing so "Holy". All of my Church leaders where like that. Two Years ago, when i had again a big life crisis 4 years living the new "Hope" and the "Truth" , i only ran around telling all my friends they are headed for hell, because i now dont look pornography and attend sunday worship and they dont.

Well..... hard to find words for what then happened.
I was lying in Bed, the never ending circle of living "holy" till i broke to return to grace just to start all over again, was making me rly rly tired of living. I for Months started to pray, that God should just let me die, that i cant bear the burden of Hell and to see all my friends living careless and directly heading there.
As i was lying and praying, suddenly i "saw" a Wall before my eyes. But i could see through it, but only with "the inner eye" i dont konw hard to explain, i was lying on my back looking at the roof, and i could see a swarm of shadows lungering over me building a "shield" like a swarm of fish. I knew they are influencing me. I was rly scared and prayed the only thing that was coming to my mind. "dark vally you are my sheperd" more i couldnt think of as i was scared to death.
Some time later, (it was tooo long for me) they all vanished in one strike and behind them there was.....

THE LIGHT
Ok so dont FORGET, there was this WALL (transparent for me, but only 0.0000MILLIONGILLIONTIMES1 dimmed)
IT WAS PURE
IT WAS LOVE
SO PURE I BURNED, LITERALLY EVERY ATOM OF MY BODY WANTED TO FLEE FROM THE PRESENCE I FACED; I KNEW INSTANTLY THAT NOTHING I HAVE DONE OR NOT DONE; WOULD CHANGE THE FACT THAT I WILL BE FOREVER WITH NO CHANCE TO LOOK HIM DIRECTLY INTO THEY "EYES" so to say
i dont know how long this went, i begged to have mercy. And in total desperation I (not physically, i COULDNT MOVE AN INCH) my "Soul" tried to annhillate itself.
At this moment, everything stopped, i had words "in my hearth" :"Why are you doing this son, i gave my son for you"
"You are going to be a sheperd, Proclaim that i am Love and Victory"
Well, my old Church members (drove me 3 times into the psychatrie, trying to get me arrested for beeing insane, two times it didnt work) the third time i got angry, so the doctors did hear i was talking about my "vision" so i ended up, in psychatrie. Well i was only 30 days in there because the doctors didnt see any danger for me or others, despite I DID NOT STOP to talk about God and my "vision".
Its now two years since it happened, and since that time there was one Thing I KNEW i had to research. Universal reconsiliation. I did , and i found life filling Joy from deep down my hearth, the more I saw the truth, Love prevails, Love wins.
Strange things going on in my life since then.

Well hi i am Josh, a warrior of Light

[Lazarus Short]

Welcome to Tentmaker!  :friendstu: :gimmefive: :friendstu:

You are on the right track.

[saintwalee]

 :welcome: Gijang.

Thank you for sharing your testimony.

In my distant past I had contemplated suicide and prayed to Jesus for help, but there was only darkness, no response at all. I felt totally abandon. So that day, I attempted suicide - but it failed (long story).

Looking back at that now, I see I was not living in righteousness and wasn't willing to turn from my sins, I only wanted his grace. It doesn't work that way, as I found out.

Anyway friend, it looks like you have truly longed for God's love and with many struggles. I pray  :Pray: that He may bathe you in his love, peace and truth.

Again, welcome.

[eaglesway]

Beautiful testimony Josh, welcome to Tentmaker :o)

[Gijang]

 :friendstu: thx bros