My name is Robert, but you can call me Rob. I'm a 25 year old who's gotten a bit (a lot! haha) of a late start in life. I have an anxiety disorder and struggle with generalized anxiety, panic attacks, and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). One of my greatest fears growing up was a fear of me and the ones I love going to hell. I always felt like I wasn't good enough for God, and that those who I loved and looked up to weren't good enough for God either. When you're raised as a Christian traditionalist, which is what I call Christians who believe in an eternal punishment, it seems that no one or nothing is good enough for God. And as someone who's not entirely certain about his sexuality, which I'm not, it only adds to the fear of the uncertainty. It's scary being told that your sexual preference will get you a one way ticket to hell. With all of these doubts and all of these scare tactics being used against me, is there really any question as to why I might struggle with anxiety? No. No there is not. :laughing7:
Earlier this year I had a very strange night where my OCD started to get out of control. All I could do is go online and read these biblical passages about hell, and I obsessed on all of my friends and family members needlessly burning there forever. I spent an entire night crying, asking God why he would allow such a place to exist. Many traditionalists have told me that life is just a test and if we pass we inherit the kingdom of heaven and if we fail we'll forever perish in hell. Why would God create such a test for us to take - stupid, simple minded, Earthly beings who are unable to see the big picture? It seems so cruel and far more wicked than anything the devil has done. In fact, it reminds me a lot of the Saw movies where a killer sets people up to torture and punish them and justifies it by saying that they had a choice not to do the bad thing he punishes them for. What kind of God would do that? Luckily, during the terrible night I was having, I discovered this site and Christian Universalism.
I had never heard of it before, but as soon as I read about it I felt an incredible weight lift off my shoulders. It matched up with everything I had ever thought made sense. It renewed my faith in Christianity and helped me to love God again. Unfortunately, there is no Christian Universalism church where I live, so it's a struggle for me not to worry about the salvation of myself and those I love. Every now and then I'll come across something - usually a website - and it'll scare me and cause me to question Universalism. That's one of the reasons I'm joining this site. I need to be around others who believe what I believe. Contrary to everything else that's been said in this post, I am not weak minded. I am someone who is very sensitive and yearns to be closer to the truth. Since discovering Universalism, some of my friends have been very supportive. My mother has been somewhat supportive as well. Of course, there are others who believe that I'm taking a path that will lead me to the depths of hell. Still, I stand firm in my belief in Jesus and Universalism and am willing to agree to disagree with them.
I feel like someone who has been brainwashed for 25 years. Every now and then what I was told before will creep in and cause me to worry or judge others. I am working on that. I am working on a lot of things. In no way am I perfect or am I striving to become perfect. I just want to become comfortable with who I am. Growing up I've had a lot of health problems. Like I said before, I'm not 100% sure what my sexual orientation is. I haven't had a very structured life - I was home schooled, which caused a lot of isolation and loneliness. My family is not what I'd call "normal," and I could probably use a few more supportive friends. In spite of all of this, I've kept a very bizarre and sometimes outrageous sense of humor. I'm not one of those people who lives and breathes their religion. I don't avoid certain movies nor do I beat myself up if I curse. I don't go around preaching to people, but I will mention Universalism when discussing religion. I like to laugh and I like to make others laugh. Words that are often used to describe me are: crazy, insane, funny, inappropriate, smart, outspoken, soft hearted, and weird. Haha.
I apologize for any over sharing or rambling I did. I don't really know how to do these types of posts. I hope everyone enjoys having me around. Feel free to say hi. :newb:
HI Rob ,
glad to meet cha !
hang in there :grin:
we are all in this together
you are not so alone bro
GoD LOVE ya ,, rose
Hi HealingMe,
I'm shure you will find rest through the truth found on this site.
A good starting point: http://www.tentmaker.org/ScholarsCorner.html
Hi Rob. Welcome to Tentmaker. You mentioned on another thread being from Charleston, S.C. I'm not sure how close this would be to you, but there's a couple of UR Churches in South Carolina that I can point you in the direction of from the Christian Universalist Association's database of UR Churches:
Eagle Mountain Fellowship
Thomas and Donna Nicholson, Ministers
Trident Academy Science Building
1455 Wakendaw Road
Mt. Pleasant, SC 29464
843-425-2511
tomnicholson14 @ comcast.net
and:
Pauline Church of Christ
Pastor Rick R. Farwell
Address of Meeting Place:
3036 Fairview Road
Leesville, SC 29070
Mailing Address (if different):
523 Wagontong Road
Wagener, SC 29164
Telephone: 803-564-3464
Website: http://www.geocities.com/tws490
Email: Rick_f_29164 @ yahoo.com
I've placed spaces in the email addresses simply to try to do my part in protecting them from spam bots online, but obviously the email addresses wouldn't have any space in the middle of them when you're actually using them.
Hi Rob,
I'm 27 so we are very close in age (which I'm always glad to here of). I too dealt with anxiety on levels of thinking when it came to salvation. It's been a little more than two years since God led me to the truth. It's okay feeling the way you do. It's such a divine moment when you realize God is showing you the truth of his word, but a the same time it's a little scary, realizing what you have been taught all of those years were lies: plus the fact that on all accounts people that believe in Universal Reconciliation are highly outnumbered.
This is my place of fellowship. Not only is there not a church that teaches these things around me, I know of no one who thinks like me. God tested me right in the begining when I first learned of these truths. The few christian friends I had my age that I shared with totally rejected it. I have since lost all contact with them.
But the price was worth it. Keep studying, read papers and take comfort in the love of God. You will always have nay sayers against what you believe, but you don't have to worry about always having the right response: that will come with time. Some people get so anxious to prove traditionalists wrong they go out of their way to debate and end up getting burned because their heart wasn't in the right place. By the way I have an odd sense of humor myself, I just chalk that up to God using the foolish things of this world...
The best thing I can tell you about your struggles with your sexuality and things of that nature is to pray, pray, and continue to pray. And trust, trust, and continue to trust. Trust in his love, and know that we all are dealing with shortcomings. The last thing we need to do is to sink into condemnation: but to have peace in his sacrifice and perfection.
Hope to hear from you soon.
God Bless