Hey Gang, I have never made it a secret that I think I am one rotten guy. I mean it. I am not just a sinner. I don't just do bad things. I intentionally do them. I do them regularly. I like leading a secretive, covert lifestyle.
This is not a 'poor me' post. I need some feedback.
Molly is always telling me to just forsake sin and be good. But you know what? Even when I get on a 'good' roll, I always know I could be better. Like working hard where I work instead of watching movies or writing posts when I probably should be working.
Now tell me, what is God going to do with someone like me? I have a job where I can pretty much do as I want and come and go as I want. I'm not sure but I believe I take advantage of it big time. I say I'm not sure because I can justify myself most of the time. I am a master at justifying myself. I'm sure I even delude myself!
I don't really know when it's the subtle serpent whispering to me or the Spirit of God.
What will God do with me? I am so spoiled. I feel like the rich man in the rich man and Lazuras story. I really do. I am pretty selfish although people think highly of me. I've got most people I know, wife and friends included, totally faked out. I am a fun, good guy on the surface but I am a subtle liar, thief, and very selfish. (Been married 23 years and never buy my wife gifts is one example. I mean never, Christmas, her birthday, never.)
I want to be good and disciplined and I love it that I believe God will fix us all but oh the fixing I need!
Well, I'll leave it at that for now.
cp
Things Change at a Drop of Hat Cp, when we least expect it.
Blessings
:icon_flower:
Quote from: claypot on March 12, 2009, 11:28:19 PM
Hey Gang, I have never made it a secret that I think I am one rotten guy. I mean it. I am not just a sinner. I don't just do bad things. I intentionally do them. I do them regularly. I like leading a secretive, covert lifestyle.
This is not a 'poor me' post. I need some feedback.
Molly is always telling me to just forsake sin and be good. But you know what? Even when I get on a 'good' roll, I always know I could be better. Like working hard where I work instead of watching movies or writing posts when I probably should be working.
Now tell me, what is God going to do with someone like me? I have a job where I can pretty much do as I want and come and go as I want. I'm not sure but I believe I take advantage of it big time. I say I'm not sure because I can justify myself most of the time. I am a master at justifying myself. I'm sure I even delude myself!
I don't really know when it's the subtle serpent whispering to me or the Spirit of God.
What will God do with me? I am so spoiled. I feel like the rich man in the rich man and Lazuras story. I really do. I am pretty selfish although people think highly of me. I've got most people I know, wife and friends included, totally faked out. I am a fun, good guy on the surface but I am a subtle liar, thief, and very selfish. (Been married 23 years and never buy my wife gifts is one example. I mean never, Christmas, her birthday, never.)
I want to be good and disciplined and I love it that I believe God will fix us all but oh the fixing I need!
Well, I'll leave it at that for now.
cp
You can't make the natural man spiritual, cp. Only God in you can do that.
I'd suggest you go here and start reading or listening: www.sigler.org
Quote from: Taffy on March 12, 2009, 11:33:26 PM
Things Change at a Drop of Hat Cp, when we least expect it.
Blessings
:icon_flower:
Taf, I'm not kidding here. I should have brought this up a long time ago with you all because of 2 reasons......1. Its been going on for a very long time and 2. You all have some good insight.
I have been raised to protect myself in almost any and all ways. Sure I was taught to be honest, honest enough to get by. I don't intentionally hurt anyone. My motto is that I don't do damage unless necessary and then almost anything goes.
I have built a fortress around myself and activities and I'm sure I will not complain if and when the roof drops in but I just don't see how God will let me get away with my lifestyle too much longer. I almost envy those crooks that get caught because now they don't have to hide their true selves any longer. I'm sure I will not willingly change which just confuses the heck out of me. I'll need to be caught and I fear this. I'm sure I will not be caught by people but God knows, He knows!
cp
Quote from: Doc on March 12, 2009, 11:44:08 PM
Quote from: claypot on March 12, 2009, 11:28:19 PM
Hey Gang, I have never made it a secret that I think I am one rotten guy. I mean it. I am not just a sinner. I don't just do bad things. I intentionally do them. I do them regularly. I like leading a secretive, covert lifestyle.
This is not a 'poor me' post. I need some feedback.
Molly is always telling me to just forsake sin and be good. But you know what? Even when I get on a 'good' roll, I always know I could be better. Like working hard where I work instead of watching movies or writing posts when I probably should be working.
Now tell me, what is God going to do with someone like me? I have a job where I can pretty much do as I want and come and go as I want. I'm not sure but I believe I take advantage of it big time. I say I'm not sure because I can justify myself most of the time. I am a master at justifying myself. I'm sure I even delude myself!
I don't really know when it's the subtle serpent whispering to me or the Spirit of God.
What will God do with me? I am so spoiled. I feel like the rich man in the rich man and Lazuras story. I really do. I am pretty selfish although people think highly of me. I've got most people I know, wife and friends included, totally faked out. I am a fun, good guy on the surface but I am a subtle liar, thief, and very selfish. (Been married 23 years and never buy my wife gifts is one example. I mean never, Christmas, her birthday, never.)
I want to be good and disciplined and I love it that I believe God will fix us all but oh the fixing I need!
Well, I'll leave it at that for now.
cp
You can't make the natural man spiritual, cp. Only God in you can do that.
I'd suggest you go here and start reading or listening: www.sigler.org
Thanks Doc and I will. This is so cool. I never thought of discussing this with you all before but I want this fixed now. I know I can't do it (don't even want to in some strong ways) but why is God letting me hang myself!!!!!
cp
Here's my day.....
I should.....
Work a 8 hour day.
What I usually do..........
Go into work to get away from the kids and watch movies or read books or post here. I do keep my duties up to date and my boss is happy but he knows little to nothing of what I do.
cp
Thanks for being Candid cp, :icon_flower:
Not many truly speak from within,
You sound familiar, bearing in Mind the Romans never succeeded in felling Wales,, its Full of WALLS :icon_king:
Just Add RED hair , and someone who KNEW no fear ...ya Just may Guess who? :icon_king:
Thanks for sharing Cp :icon_flower:
Quote from: Taffy on March 12, 2009, 11:56:40 PM
Thanks for being Candid cp, :icon_flower:
Not many truly speak from within,
You sound familiar, bearing in Mind the Romans never succeeded in felling Wales,, its Full of WALLS :icon_king:
Just Add RED hair , and someone who KNEW no fear ...ya Just may Guess who? :icon_king:
Thanks for sharing Cp :icon_flower:
Taf, I am dense as well as a no good slob. Are you speaking about yourself? I could really use some help here. I have felt guilty, but obviously not guilty enough, for way too long.
cp
Quote from: claypot on March 13, 2009, 12:06:28 AM
Quote from: Taffy on March 12, 2009, 11:56:40 PM
Thanks for being Candid cp, :icon_flower:
Not many truly speak from within,
You sound familiar, bearing in Mind the Romans never succeeded in felling Wales,, its Full of WALLS :icon_king:
Just Add RED hair , and someone who KNEW no fear ...ya Just may Guess who? :icon_king:
Thanks for sharing Cp :icon_flower:
Taf, I am dense as well as a no good slob. Are you speaking about yourself? I could really use some help here. I have felt guilty, but obviously not guilty enough, for way too long.
cp
Indeed Yes Cp, Myself, Im that good looking chap in my avatar...Gee Ilness has Taken its toll from those days.
Im just saying Its a Progression Bro,We are all unique and He deals with each of us accordingly, Trust In Him and walk in what Pleases Him, Listen to HIS voice ,...
Perfection In the Making By HIS hands... :icon_flower:
Quote from: claypot on March 12, 2009, 11:28:19 PM
Hey Gang, I have never made it a secret that I think I am one rotten guy. I mean it. I am not just a sinner. I don't just do bad things. I intentionally do them. I do them regularly. I like leading a secretive, covert lifestyle.
This is not a 'poor me' post. I need some feedback.
Molly is always telling me to just forsake sin and be good. But you know what? Even when I get on a 'good' roll, I always know I could be better. Like working hard where I work instead of watching movies or writing posts when I probably should be working.
Now tell me, what is God going to do with someone like me? I have a job where I can pretty much do as I want and come and go as I want. I'm not sure but I believe I take advantage of it big time. I say I'm not sure because I can justify myself most of the time. I am a master at justifying myself. I'm sure I even delude myself!
I don't really know when it's the subtle serpent whispering to me or the Spirit of God.
What will God do with me? I am so spoiled. I feel like the rich man in the rich man and Lazuras story. I really do. I am pretty selfish although people think highly of me. I've got most people I know, wife and friends included, totally faked out. I am a fun, good guy on the surface but I am a subtle liar, thief, and very selfish. (Been married 23 years and never buy my wife gifts is one example. I mean never, Christmas, her birthday, never.)
I want to be good and disciplined and I love it that I believe God will fix us all but oh the fixing I need!
Well, I'll leave it at that for now.
cp
Hey cp, ya got an opening where you work? Sounds cool to me :laughing7:
Quote from: Tony N on March 13, 2009, 12:19:53 AM
Quote from: claypot on March 12, 2009, 11:28:19 PM
Hey Gang, I have never made it a secret that I think I am one rotten guy. I mean it. I am not just a sinner. I don't just do bad things. I intentionally do them. I do them regularly. I like leading a secretive, covert lifestyle.
This is not a 'poor me' post. I need some feedback.
Molly is always telling me to just forsake sin and be good. But you know what? Even when I get on a 'good' roll, I always know I could be better. Like working hard where I work instead of watching movies or writing posts when I probably should be working.
Now tell me, what is God going to do with someone like me? I have a job where I can pretty much do as I want and come and go as I want. I'm not sure but I believe I take advantage of it big time. I say I'm not sure because I can justify myself most of the time. I am a master at justifying myself. I'm sure I even delude myself!
I don't really know when it's the subtle serpent whispering to me or the Spirit of God.
What will God do with me? I am so spoiled. I feel like the rich man in the rich man and Lazuras story. I really do. I am pretty selfish although people think highly of me. I've got most people I know, wife and friends included, totally faked out. I am a fun, good guy on the surface but I am a subtle liar, thief, and very selfish. (Been married 23 years and never buy my wife gifts is one example. I mean never, Christmas, her birthday, never.)
I want to be good and disciplined and I love it that I believe God will fix us all but oh the fixing I need!
Well, I'll leave it at that for now.
cp
Hey cp, ya got an opening where you work? Sounds cool to me :laughing7:
Place is hurting and I think I could be doing something more to help out but I truely don't think it is hurting from my antics. I am fullfilling my duties although I could be doing more which might help the place go. Been there 17 years. God has given me enough rope to hang myself and I'm doing a good job of it but I just can't bring myself to quit. I'm a hard worker when I set my mind to it but I am also a very good director so I direct others to do most of my work. The work gets done and the boss is happy.
Hey Taf, it's the walking in what pleases Him that bothers me. I think what would please Him is if I had the cahoonas to up and quit and do some honest work but then I'd probably be a complainer. God's got His work cut out with the likes of me!
cp
QuoteGod's got His work cut out with the likes of me!
Ya Think :HeartThrob:
No problem
:icon_flower:
Quote from: claypot on March 12, 2009, 11:52:43 PM
Quote from: Doc on March 12, 2009, 11:44:08 PM
Quote from: claypot on March 12, 2009, 11:28:19 PM
Hey Gang, I have never made it a secret that I think I am one rotten guy. I mean it. I am not just a sinner. I don't just do bad things. I intentionally do them. I do them regularly. I like leading a secretive, covert lifestyle.
This is not a 'poor me' post. I need some feedback.
Molly is always telling me to just forsake sin and be good. But you know what? Even when I get on a 'good' roll, I always know I could be better. Like working hard where I work instead of watching movies or writing posts when I probably should be working.
Now tell me, what is God going to do with someone like me? I have a job where I can pretty much do as I want and come and go as I want. I'm not sure but I believe I take advantage of it big time. I say I'm not sure because I can justify myself most of the time. I am a master at justifying myself. I'm sure I even delude myself!
I don't really know when it's the subtle serpent whispering to me or the Spirit of God.
What will God do with me? I am so spoiled. I feel like the rich man in the rich man and Lazuras story. I really do. I am pretty selfish although people think highly of me. I've got most people I know, wife and friends included, totally faked out. I am a fun, good guy on the surface but I am a subtle liar, thief, and very selfish. (Been married 23 years and never buy my wife gifts is one example. I mean never, Christmas, her birthday, never.)
I want to be good and disciplined and I love it that I believe God will fix us all but oh the fixing I need!
Well, I'll leave it at that for now.
cp
You can't make the natural man spiritual, cp. Only God in you can do that.
I'd suggest you go here and start reading or listening: www.sigler.org
Thanks Doc and I will. This is so cool. I never thought of discussing this with you all before but I want this fixed now. I know I can't do it (don't even want to in some strong ways) but why is God letting me hang myself!!!!!
cp
Actually, I misspoke slightly. God wants to remove the carnal from you by filling you completely with Himself, until there's nothing left of "you". In other words, the inside out. You can't do it from the outside in; neither could I. You are not who you think you are.
I also want to encourage you with the fact that in my natural man, I have struggled much as you have. Your story sounds very similar to mine. I was living two lives, very much as you described of yourself. I have been a believer all my life. But two years ago, God began to truly introduce Himself to me, and I can now feel Him growing in me, and He's in the process of swallowing up everything that is my natural self that I inherited from Adam, and replacing it with himself. That's something I have never been able to do, no matter how hard I've wanted to fix it or tried to fix it. But Christ in you is the hope of glory, bro.
If A is equal to your success :umnick: :scratchhead: :JCThink: then this must be the formula: A = X + Y + Z
X is work when necessary.
Y is play on the computer as often, as possible.
Z is keep your mouth shut and don't say a word.
"Life isn't about waiting in the eye of a Hurricane, it's about learning to dance in the storm as God leads."
However, don't consider a gift for your wife, be that gift! :declare: :Peace2: :yes:
peacemaker
Quote from: peacemaker on March 13, 2009, 03:08:51 AM
If A is equal to your success :umnick: :scratchhead: :JCThink: then this must be the formula: A = X + Y + Z
X is work when necessary.
Y is play on the computer as often, as possible.
Z is keep your mouth shut and don't say a word.
"Life isn't about waiting in the eye of a Hurricane, it's about learning to dance in the storm as God leads."
However, don't consider a gift for your wife, be that gift! :declare: :Peace2: :yes:
peacemaker
I am helped.
Hey PM, you hit the nail on the head. When the discussion of gifts comes up I always say "Hey, you got me babe!" Doesn't always work for some reason but I hear ya.
Man, life is tough and full of guilt. Seems like I spend most of my life trying to ignore things that may and do cause guilt. Hmmmmmmmm.
cp
:cloud9: cp, have you ever had the baptism in the Holy Ghost? I'm not asking to be nosy, but it seems to me that most of your comments would gradually come to a reconciliation of sorts, if the HG was busy "burning down the house", :mshock: LOL......Blessings....
Quote from: peacemaker on March 13, 2009, 03:08:51 AM
If A is equal to your success :umnick: :scratchhead: :JCThink: then this must be the formula: A = X + Y + Z
X is work when necessary.
Y is play on the computer as often, as possible.
Z is keep your mouth shut and don't say a word.
"Life isn't about waiting in the eye of a Hurricane, it's about learning to dance in the storm as God leads."
However, don't consider a gift for your wife, be that gift! :declare: :Peace2: :yes:
peacemaker
The eye is where you dance, otherwise you get blown over.
I am learning to dance in the eye.
QuoteMan, life is tough and full of guilt. Seems like I spend most of my life trying to ignore things that may and do cause guilt. Hmmmmmmmm.
How about you just stop doing things that cause guilt? :bigGrin:
Psalm 37:37
Mark the perfect man, and behold the upright: for the end of that man is peace.
CP,
Go to the store after work and pick her up a Starbucks. Start small. As for the work thing, habits are difficult to break. The wife issue is more pressing at the moment.
Quote from: Sarah on March 13, 2009, 03:34:04 PM
CP,
Go to the store after work and pick her up a Starbucks. Start small. As for the work thing, habits are difficult to break. The wife issue is more pressing at the moment.
:cloud9: rofl.... :thumbsup:
Sounds like God may be leading you up to another paradigm shift. God is bringing things to your attention that he's been working on in you. The thing about the life in Christ is, it's more of a ride than a walk. He prepares the way, he gives you the strength, he equps you with whatever is necessary to fulfill his will in your life.
He's not giving you a "honey-do" list with the expectation of "you" straightening all of this out . . .he's letting you know the list is being worked out "through him". Just be obedient to the voice OF INSTRUCTION within you. I capitalized that because there are usually a lot of voices in us . .and most of them bring confusion, doubt and arguments . . .but the Spirit brings instruction. It's not an order . . . you still have the choice to either do it or not . . .but there are always consequences in all decisions we make.
My first advice for you is . . .relax . .find a place of rest where there is no condemnation, no finger-pointing, just you and God . . .it could be while you're watching your movies . . .oh, by the way . . I'm terrible at being self-directed as well. I'd much rather have an assignment with a deadline, or a routine of activity. But if they just leave it up to me to find work . . .I'm heading straight for the computer, and it's not to work on a project.
Just so ya know . . you're not alone. But God seems to do really well with misfits.
Quote from: Cardinal on March 13, 2009, 03:08:12 PM
:cloud9: cp, have you ever had the baptism in the Holy Ghost? I'm not asking to be nosy, but it seems to me that most of your comments would gradually come to a reconciliation of sorts, if the HG was busy "burning down the house", :mshock: LOL......Blessings....
Don't know Card. Not even sure what that means.
I just know myself. It just seems I can never get where I want to be. Kind of like the Romans 7 thing. Is this just a perfectionist attitude?
Molly, I appreciate you telling me to just be good but where does it end? Are you perfectly good? I ask this seriously. Do you get to the point where you say to yourself that you are good enough or are you constantly having to stop what you are doing or thinking and trying to do good?
Sarah, thanks and I have started small. I actually bought her a rose a week or two ago and wrote on the card that it was just because.
Nathan, here is a big one for you. You say 'Just be obedient'. That's the problem. I want to be perfectly obedient but I am not. Molly says to just do it but I don't. Isn't that weird? I do hear what you are saying in the rest of your words about the work being done in me. God, I base all I am on that. I am His workmanship......... My resistance to His work in me is a mystery to me. Why I don't just do what I know is right is beyond me.
cp
It's cuz you are a finished work . . . .IN PROGRESS..
Quote from: Nathan on March 13, 2009, 07:29:46 PM
It's cuz you are a finished work . . . .IN PROGRESS..
Amen Brother Amen.
I fear what I may still have to go through to get to the end. Seeing Jesus on the cross enters my mind.
cp
He'll lead you no where that he has not already equpped you to enter in to. Just because your mind can't see it, doesn't mean that it's not already a done deal, all you need to do is live it out . . .with your mind engaged in knowing, or not . . . doesn't matter. What matters is that you're heart be willing to let God lead it.
claypot, have you read this? I copied this from another thread, thought it was needed here. claypot, if you will quit beating yourself up over everything, I bet you will see an improvement in yourself sooner than you think.
CHB
So God can'tuse you eh?
« on: April 26, 2008, 01:03:39 AM » Quote
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The next time you feel like GOD can't use you, just remember...
Noah was a drunk
Abraham was too old
Isaac was a daydreamer
Jacob was a liar
Leah was ugly
Joseph was abused
Moses had a stuttering problem
Gideon was afraid
Samson had long hair and was a womanizer
Rahab was a prostitute
Jeremiah and Timothy were too young
David had an affair and was a murderer
Elijah was suicidal
Isaiah preached naked
Jonah ran from God
Naomi was a widow
Job went bankrupt
Peter denied Christ
The Disciples fell asleep while praying
Martha worried about everything
The Samaritan woman was divorced -- more than once
Zaccheus was too small
Paul was too religious
Timothy had an ulcer
AND...
Lazarus was dead!
Now! No more excuses! God can use you to your full potential.
Besides you aren't the message, you are just the messenger.
QuoteMolly, I appreciate you telling me to just be good but where does it end? Are you perfectly good? I ask this seriously. Do you get to the point where you say to yourself that you are good enough or are you constantly having to stop what you are doing or thinking and trying to do good?
Well, no I'm not perfectly good yet, but don't tell anyone here.
Look, I'm not sure what we're talking about exactly, but it's not about us trying to be something we're not. It's about us becoming something we were always meant to be. He wants to bless us. All the 'thou shalt nots' are really about what will make his blessing possible. So if I lie to my husband (assuming I had one), I am not only hurting myself, I am hurting him, too. I am taking the blessing away from both of us. Why would I want to do that?
It's not about a rulebook. It's about a way of life that makes his blessing possible. That's the way I see it. He just wants to give us every good thing we could ever possibly want. He wants to give us peace and joy and life. Isn't that what we would give our own children if we could?
1The king shall joy in thy strength, O LORD; and in thy salvation how greatly shall he rejoice!
2Thou hast given him his heart's desire, and hast not withholden the request of his lips. Selah.
3For thou preventest him with the blessings of goodness: thou settest a crown of pure gold on his head.
4He asked life of thee, and thou gavest it him, even length of days for ever and ever.
5His glory is great in thy salvation: honour and majesty hast thou laid upon him.
6For thou hast made him most blessed for ever: thou hast made him exceeding glad with thy countenance.
7For the king trusteth in the LORD, and through the mercy of the most High he shall not be moved. --Psa 21
QuoteWell, no I'm not perfectly good yet, but don't tell anyone here.
To late...published locally come tomorrows Headlines :icon_king:
As my granny used to say..."well, what ails ya?"
Ok, I'm going to pick out one thing from your first post. Now, I'm not saying the following is YOUR reason, but it is A reason. Just as an example, to help illustrate a point: <--did I emphasize that enough? :Sparkletooth:
Ok. Maybe you don't buy your wife gifts, because deep down... you don't feel secure with her love, maybe in some weird way you don't want to buy her gifts, because you don't want her to love you just because you buy her gifts, you want her to love you for YOU. This is just one example of the havoc that can be wreaked in a person's heart and mind when they are operating too much out of their carnal self and not enough out of their spiritual self.
FEAR. Instead of actively LOVING your wife, you are too concerned with your own thoughts and fears and insecurities. Fear builds upon itself. And it's like a magnet, seeking out and attaching anything to itself, that can back up and give validation for the fear. Whatever fear it may be.
Perfect love casts out all fear.
You have the original fear (wife doens't love me for me. she only loves me because I buy her stuff.) Then you don't buy her gifts on her birthday. That somehow deep down makes you feel oddly more safe/comfortable/loved. Because your wife is still here and she is still talking to you, so maybe she DOES love you. even though you didn't buy her a gift. hmmm. ok, so you feel a little better for awhile. Then the guilt sets in. You may not recognize it as guilt, but it's a nagging feeling of guilt around the edges of your mind. This eventually makes you feel like a bad husband, so your fears of your wife not loving you MAKE SENSE. Well why should she love me? I don't even buy her presents! IT's a CYCLE! An endless cycle.
Everyone gets stuck in these type of endless cycles. There are all kinds of different scenarios.
The way you start breaking out of them is to start trying to operate out of your spiritual side.
How do you do that?
Actively seek out and practice the FRUITS of the spirit:
Love
Joy
Peace
Longsuffering
Kindness
Goodness
Faithfulness
Gentleness
Self-control
Look up the fruits of the spirit and you can usually find a good description for each.
PRAY and ask God to help you. THAT IS KEY. It just is....
God wants you to talk to Him.
The more you try to ACTIVELY just... LOVE.. (as a verb!) LOVE! the more your carnal self, your selfish self, your ego self tends to sit back in the background a bit. It's a wonderful feeling when your EGO takes a back seat. It makes you kinder, it slows you down, gives you patience, compassion, etc.
EGO = Easing God Out. It's true. It really is.
I am far from "perfect". NO-ONE is perfect. No-one is "good" all the time.
We are HUMAN. However, we can decide every minute of the day which side to operate from, the carnal self, the EGO or the spirit. Life is easier, and far more beautiful when you try to operate out of the SPIRIT more. (Spirit: remember the fruits of the spirit? That's what I'm talking about.)
Try to live life like it's "heaven" already, AS MUCH AS YOU CAN. How would you be in heaven? Selfless or selfish?
Loving or fearful? compassionate or trampling over others? honest or dishonest? FORGIVE others quickly and easily FORGIVE YOURSELF quickly and easily! Do you know why? Because like I said, try to live NOW like it is heaven already.. meaning, in "heaven" there will be PERFECT love and absolutely NO misunderstandings. See people in the FUTURE tense. See yourself in the FUTURE tense. With all the crap stripped off and there's nothing but LOVE left. Because THAT is the way it IS GOING TO BE. We are all, ALL going to love each other with perfect, crystal clear, LOVE. See that reality NOW as much as you can. The person that wronged me years ago, I know will feel so sorry that they did that. The people that I have hurt and may not have even realized, I will be aware of it and will be so sorry and just LOVE those people. Do you see what I mean? We do not see clearly. We are living in shadowlands, man. Shadowlands don't last forever. We may be here physically, but our HEART and our MIND and our ACTIONS can rise above the shadowlands. Our HEART and our MIND and our ACTIONS can act like they are in "heaven" NOW and act accordingly.
(Just try. It's a struggle sometimes, yes. but you do the best you can. You're going to fail everyday. That's a guarantee. So what? But struggling is a good sign. It IS a struggle. But it's a good struggle. It really is.) :icon_flower:
We look at ourselves too much. Our eyes are pointed INWARD instead of OUTWARD. This causes a tremendous amount of problems. The more you focus on yourself, the more "problems" you will come up with. Trust me, on that one.
Well.... I should probably stop rambling.
Hope some of this made sense. Just trying to maybe give you some stuff you can use, something practical that might help. know what I mean?
peace..
Good stuff and gang, remember, I'm not making this a pity party about me. I know I'm not alone is these struggles. I want to bring this stuff out because I think all of us deal with this stuff and the best way I know to bring it out is to use my self as an example.
I want to be good. I am a great guy according to some, most probably. It's just I see God and I see what would make Him proud and I am not there yet. Yes, I know He will get me there and I know, in Christ I am there, yet I am just being honest about my struggles.
To tell you the truth some more, I really don't think I will change too much in this phase of life. Call it lack of faith or whatever but let me ask you all, have you really changed much in how you deal with and react to life? My basic instincts kick in when I'm in trouble. Sure I think I am different because of growing in Christ and maybe I am but it really doesn't show too much. I was a good guy before I met God 29 years ago and I am about the same today. I really am. Yes, maybe I would have been worse if I had not 'met' God but you get my drift.
Yes I will always try to to good and overcome weakness as I see them but I will also fall back on old habits and lifestyles to get me through the real hard times. They have worked for me before and I know they will work for me again.
The biggest thing I know I or anyone can do is to be honest with God. I am telling Him all these things that I write to you all. I am asking for help. I am putting the ball in His court so to speak. I do know salvation has come to me and I also expect salvation to come and keep coming in all sorts of ways but I am what I am for now.
I am a child of the King. I am not beating myself up. I am being honest. I know I am a child of the King yet I know I am a bum of the highest order. I do look away from myself as much as I can. I look to Jesus and I try to think of others often and how I can serve. Yes, including my wife and giving her flowers. Yet I can't but help to look at myself from time to time and it is a beautiful and ugly sight I see. How can it really be any other way?
cp
Quote from: claypot on March 14, 2009, 04:30:36 PM
To tell you the truth some more, I really don't think I will change too much in this phase of life. Call it lack of faith or whatever but let me ask you all, have you really changed much in how you deal with and react to life?
a resounding...
YES!For years..I was full of biterness, anger and hatred.
Because of things that happened in my life.
I still had a "kind" heart.
But I seethed with hatred. and bitterness. especially hatred FOR God.
Doesn't make sense.
But my outer person was just a mess.
A more impatient, selfish, fearful, angry person did not exist.
I was pretty ick.
God CAN change you. :happy3:
It's a process.
Don't give up.
and CP... God IS proud of you.
He sees your heart.
and it's not as grim as you may think... :laughing7:
:HeartThrob:
Quote from: sparrow on March 14, 2009, 05:07:02 PM
Quote from: claypot on March 14, 2009, 04:30:36 PM
To tell you the truth some more, I really don't think I will change too much in this phase of life. Call it lack of faith or whatever but let me ask you all, have you really changed much in how you deal with and react to life?
a resounding...
YES!
For years..I was full of biterness, anger and hatred.
Because of things that happened in my life.
I still had a "kind" heart.
But I seethed with hatred. and bitterness. especially hatred FOR God.
Doesn't make sense.
But my outer person was just a mess.
A more impatient, selfish, fearful, angry person did not exist.
I was pretty ick.
God CAN change you. :happy3:
It's a process.
Don't give up.
and CP... God IS proud of you.
He sees your heart.
and it's not as grim as you may think... :laughing7:
:HeartThrob:
Man Sparrow, I must be a poor writer or communicator...... sometimes anyway.
I know God is proud of me, as He sees me in His beloved. Yet I know He hates the Esau of which I often side with. I am not being hard on myself here. I find it great that God hates the 'Esau'! It is a most necessary thing to my and the salvation of all.
I too understand fully the big change that does come upon people when God moves in. Did you notice that I said that before I cared one whit about God, 29 years ago, that I was a resonably 'good guy'? For me and many others, there was/is no real big 'surface' change in our lives. And the changes that have occured I can account for just from the experience of growing older in this world. I'm a great adaptor!
It's almost expected of Christians to say they have been changed in amazing ways yet it just isn't true of many, while it is true for many others.
I know so many Brothers whose love for God is tremendous and who have served God longer than I and who still struggle with problems they have had from the beginning. (I always remind them of what I see though. When these Brothers are confronted with the same old problems I tell them what I see. I see them going to God. I tell them that when the problems arise they go to God for help and when life is good they go to God and praise Him. I tell them they got it made. No matter what happens in their lives they go to God!)
cp
Quote from: claypot on March 14, 2009, 05:28:26 PM
Man Sparrow, I must be a poor writer or communicator...... sometimes anyway.
I know God is proud of me, as He sees me in His beloved. Yet I know He hates the Esau of which I often side with. I am not being hard on myself here. I find it great that God hates the 'Esau'! It is a most necessary thing to my and the salvation of all.
I too understand fully the big change that does come upon people when God moves in. Did you notice that I said that before I cared one whit about God, 29 years ago, that I was a resonably 'good guy'? For me and many others, there was/is no real big 'surface' change in our lives. And the changes that have occured I can account for just from the experience of growing older in this world. I'm a great adaptor!
It's almost expected of Christians to say they have been changed in amazing ways yet it just isn't true of many, while it is true for many others.
I know so many Brothers whose love for God is tremendous and who have served God longer than I and who still struggle with problems they have had from the beginning. (I always remind them of what I see though. When these Brothers are confronted with the same old problems I tell them what I see. I see them going to God. I tell them that when the problems arise they go to God for help and when life is good they go to God and praise Him. I tell them they got it made. No matter what happens in their lives they go to God!)
cp
Ahh, I see. No you are not a bad communicator, I'm a bad understander. :mblush: :grin:
I see what you're saying. will write more later... runnin' late as usual... be back later.
Quote from: Molly on March 14, 2009, 03:21:23 AM
Look, I'm not sure what we're talking about exactly, but it's not about us trying to be something we're not. It's about us becoming something we were always meant to be. He wants to bless us. All the 'thou shalt nots' are really about what will make his blessing possible. So if I lie to my husband (assuming I had one), I am not only hurting myself, I am hurting him, too. I am taking the blessing away from both of us. Why would I want to do that?
It's not about a rulebook. It's about a way of life that makes his blessing possible. That's the way I see it. He just wants to give us every good thing we could ever possibly want. He wants to give us peace and joy and life. Isn't that what we would give our own children if we could?
I don't completely disagree with that, but at the same time I believe there is a separation from our behavior and Gods blessings for the most part. God doesn't need to withhold or give a blessing to know that what we sow we reap.
I was able to obtain the love of my life and was drunk when it happened, ( lol, come on out with the jokes, I've heard em all :happy3:)
lol, but my point is that is a blessing and God didn't wait for me to behave in order to allow it to happen. Many things in my life is a result of sowing and reaping and that is a law God has put in place for believers and unbelievers alike and thats why Christians get so confused that a bad ole Satan worshipper can be prosperous while a Christian who is oh so diligent and faithful and pleasing to God looses his Job.
It's not confusing at all. We are on a path to righteousness and there is no harm in striving to do the right things and of course, things can go better in our life if we do the right things. But it is not a gaurantee that we will not face evil in our lives that has to be overcome no matter how good a person thinks they can be.
Many of the issues in this life are spiritual, you can over come spiritually in the midst of physical destruction whether self induced or beyond our control.
CP,
I'm glad you got your wife a rose. I was worried...although I still am. I think I would feel unappreciated and taken for granted if my husband didn't acknowledge me on special occasions. To be honest, the best thing that my husband does on my birthday or around it is that he cooks my favorite meal...and doesn't require me to clean up afterwards. It doesn't have to be anything big, just a gesture to show you think about her and count her as special and consider her.
Yes, we all have our beast to contend with. I am well aware of the selfishness that resides within me. But I heard something once that really stuck with me. In the working environment employee's are more profitable when their strengths are stengthened as opposed to targeting improving weaknesses. I have taken this to heart. I will not allow myself to dwell on my weaknessess because it is unproductive. I find that when I become passionate about the things I love and become involved in something I am interested in, it builds me up and even my weaknessess are not so weak anymore. This may not seem too spiritual but I also find that my Father treats me this way. It seems that when He shows me a glimpse of myself through his eyes, it is never about my weaknessess.
I desire to see you fulfilled and overflowing in love, joy and peace! Don't settle.
Love, Sarah
CP,
Desire makes the world go 'round. When you want something bad enough you will ask/seek/knock and obtain. Till then?
http://www.myvideo.de/watch/749094/Lifehouse_Sick_cycle_carousel
Quote from: Sarah on March 15, 2009, 06:04:18 AM
CP,
I'm glad you got your wife a rose. I was worried...although I still am. I think I would feel unappreciated and taken for granted if my husband didn't acknowledge me on special occasions. To be honest, the best thing that my husband does on my birthday or around it is that he cooks my favorite meal...and doesn't require me to clean up afterwards. It doesn't have to be anything big, just a gesture to show you think about her and count her as special and consider her.
Love, Sarah
I've been married only 20 years . . .and I'm just learning now that it's not the candy, flowers or cards that move my wife the most . . .it's the personal notes, poems and such that I write. It actually started by accident . . .I couldn't find a card that even came close to what I felt . . .so I bought a blank card that had a pretty picture on it . . .and wrote a little bit . . .okay .. maybe it was a little more . . .like almost a whole page . .but I just let the experiences she and I had together in the previous year or so . . .personalized it by mentioning the kids and whatever . . .and it amazed me at how something so simple to me, would move her to tears. So ever since, I try to do the same pattern . . .and she continues to love them.
Quote from: Nathan on March 16, 2009, 07:32:37 PM
Quote from: Sarah on March 15, 2009, 06:04:18 AM
CP,
I'm glad you got your wife a rose. I was worried...although I still am. I think I would feel unappreciated and taken for granted if my husband didn't acknowledge me on special occasions. To be honest, the best thing that my husband does on my birthday or around it is that he cooks my favorite meal...and doesn't require me to clean up afterwards. It doesn't have to be anything big, just a gesture to show you think about her and count her as special and consider her.
Love, Sarah
I've been married only 20 years . . .and I'm just learning now that it's not the candy, flowers or cards that move my wife the most . . .it's the personal notes, poems and such that I write. It actually started by accident . . .I couldn't find a card that even came close to what I felt . . .so I bought a blank card that had a pretty picture on it . . .and wrote a little bit . . .okay .. maybe it was a little more . . .like almost a whole page . .but I just let the experiences she and I had together in the previous year or so . . .personalized it by mentioning the kids and whatever . . .and it amazed me at how something so simple to me, would move her to tears. So ever since, I try to do the same pattern . . .and she continues to love them.
Nathan, you and I continue to be much alike. I have done that too and now you have encouraged me to do more. I too had good results but stopped for some reason.
Sarah, worry about nothing, pray about everything but thanks for caring and making suggestions.
FB, actually your encouragement really helped too. I am glad I WANT to be better. Wanting something is the best motivator.
cp
Quote from: claypot on March 12, 2009, 11:28:19 PM
Hey Gang, I have never made it a secret that I think I am one rotten guy. I mean it. I am not just a sinner. I don't just do bad things. I intentionally do them. I do them regularly. I like leading a secretive, covert lifestyle.
This is not a 'poor me' post. I need some feedback.
Molly is always telling me to just forsake sin and be good. But you know what? Even when I get on a 'good' roll, I always know I could be better. Like working hard where I work instead of watching movies or writing posts when I probably should be working.
Now tell me, what is God going to do with someone like me? I have a job where I can pretty much do as I want and come and go as I want. I'm not sure but I believe I take advantage of it big time. I say I'm not sure because I can justify myself most of the time. I am a master at justifying myself. I'm sure I even delude myself!
I don't really know when it's the subtle serpent whispering to me or the Spirit of God.
What will God do with me? I am so spoiled. I feel like the rich man in the rich man and Lazuras story. I really do. I am pretty selfish although people think highly of me. I've got most people I know, wife and friends included, totally faked out. I am a fun, good guy on the surface but I am a subtle liar, thief, and very selfish. (Been married 23 years and never buy my wife gifts is one example. I mean never, Christmas, her birthday, never.)
I want to be good and disciplined and I love it that I believe God will fix us all but oh the fixing I need!
Well, I'll leave it at that for now.
cp
I sure can relate to a lot of that personally. What comes to mind is: It's those who don't/can't see their faults, who have a bigger problem. Same goes for those who don't feel the need for God to change them. As for how other percieve you, they might not be as unable to see the real you as you might think, and you may not be as clever hiding your true self as you might think, as far as how they rate you.
I'm reminded of what the Wizard of Oz said to the Tin Man.
"And remember, my sentimental friend ..... that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others."
Quote from: Brian on March 16, 2009, 11:48:07 PM
Quote from: claypot on March 12, 2009, 11:28:19 PM
Hey Gang, I have never made it a secret that I think I am one rotten guy. I mean it. I am not just a sinner. I don't just do bad things. I intentionally do them. I do them regularly. I like leading a secretive, covert lifestyle.
This is not a 'poor me' post. I need some feedback.
Molly is always telling me to just forsake sin and be good. But you know what? Even when I get on a 'good' roll, I always know I could be better. Like working hard where I work instead of watching movies or writing posts when I probably should be working.
Now tell me, what is God going to do with someone like me? I have a job where I can pretty much do as I want and come and go as I want. I'm not sure but I believe I take advantage of it big time. I say I'm not sure because I can justify myself most of the time. I am a master at justifying myself. I'm sure I even delude myself!
I don't really know when it's the subtle serpent whispering to me or the Spirit of God.
What will God do with me? I am so spoiled. I feel like the rich man in the rich man and Lazuras story. I really do. I am pretty selfish although people think highly of me. I've got most people I know, wife and friends included, totally faked out. I am a fun, good guy on the surface but I am a subtle liar, thief, and very selfish. (Been married 23 years and never buy my wife gifts is one example. I mean never, Christmas, her birthday, never.)
I want to be good and disciplined and I love it that I believe God will fix us all but oh the fixing I need!
Well, I'll leave it at that for now.
cp
I sure can relate to a lot of that personally. What comes to mind is: It's those who don't/can't see their faults, who have a bigger problem. Same goes for those who don't feel the need for God to change them. As for how other percieve you, they might not be as unable to see the real you as you might think, and you may not be as clever hiding your true self as you might think, as far as how they rate you.
I'm reminded of what the Wizard of Oz said to the Tin Man. "And remember, my sentimental friend ..... that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others."
Just when I think I've heard it all something new gets through. Thanks Brian.
I should be thankful that I do know how much of a bum I am and I do really not want to be this way. It's like looking at another person when I look at myself. I just got done right this minute telling my kids that I am very tired of being a human. They just laugh and look at me funny and continue picking their noses or whatever they do!
cp
"God works in you both to will and to do of His good pleasure" :thumbsup: