Okay Church, I have a question...

[Lefein]

I figured this should be a good thing to take before the congregation here...

What should you do, when someone for various reasons...various very legitimate reasons; makes you so viciously angry with them? - and I don't just mean "makes you miffed" I mean the person constantly, and consistently provokes you to high wrath...seething, brooding, tear their head off in broad daylight because they've absolutely provoked your deepest ire, fire in your belly kind of anger...

I rarely get the emotion of real anger, but there are certain things should never be said, or done...These have been done abundantly, consistently, constantly, without fail, and exponentially.

So...what does the assembly say to a situation like this?

Now, I am no babe in Christ, I am not perfect...I have not arrived...but I am far beyond "Mary had a little lamb" theology.  And I know that anger isn't all that nice.  But there is a point in which it becomes ludicrous on the part of the adversary who provokes it so thoroughly, and with such punctual fidelity!

And I want to know how to properly deal with the adversary, and I'd like to know what God would do with the adversary, considering the light of God's remedial justice...Not out of condemnation do I ask this, but out of simply knowing the field of battle, and the logistics of things...so that I can move accordingly in the will of God to pray properly in turn.

To avoid certain things that I can already expect...This is to be considered from here on out a "hypothetical" question, from a questioner whose ministry, and witness is being negatively affected by the adversary; who is wanting an unbiased, and thoroughly Truth filled, and acceptable answer...

[Nancy]

hi lefein,
I don't know if you are aquainted with Eckhart Tolle but i have been interested in his teachings for some time now.  The thing with emotions is that if you have them you have them, they are there. How to deal with them? Accept that they are there, don't try to force them away. Notice the anger and it will subside. What you resist persists, what you look at goes away.

Godbless
Nancy

[Molly]

It's hard to give advice without knowing the particulars.  So just generally, for myself--

I mean the person constantly, and consistently provokes you to high wrath...seething, brooding, tear their head off in broad daylight because they've absolutely provoked your deepest ire, fire in your belly kind of anger...

This has happened to me a lot in my life lol.  First, I always consider it a satanic attack, that is, that the person is being used by satan to provoke me.   So, I have learned to distance myself from the particular person versus their behavior.  This helps you to become objective.

Anger gives us a message about our spiritual surroundings in the same way that physical pain gives us a message about our physical surroundings.  This is a spiritual battle.  That's the way I look at it.  If you touched a hot stove, you would feel pain.  Your body is giving you a message to protect you.  Diabetics routinely lose their legs because they do not feel pain, even in the face of long term festering infection.

Anger protects us and alerts us that there is something spiritually toxic in our environment.  It alerts us to danger.  Therefore, anger is good.  But, anger over a long period of time is not good for a variety of reasons.  

Therefore, my first choice is always to get away from the person [as in, remove your hand from the hot stove].  Be in their presence as little as possible.  Don't reward the behavior that is causing your anger.  [Often, even fighting back is rewarding it].  Ignoring it is better often than fighting back.  If being verbally confrontive is necessary [to give the message I am not going to engage in this game], it should be short, and to the point.

In other words, you need to assert your boundaries with the person in a safe and constructive way, if possible, or leave, if not.

These have been done abundantly, consistently, constantly, without fail, and exponentially.

This person is constantly violating your boundaries.  I had to learn how to gently and firmly instruct people that they were not allowed to do that [by me].  It's amazing the outrageous things people say and do [especially to females] that they would never normally do.  Often,  I just let it go and make a joking and kindly dismissive remark back.  Sometimes [rarely] it's necessary for me to flatten them before I walk away.  But, I always try to give the message 'stop' while letting the other person save face.

Often, when you tell these people no, they will escalate.  It's predictable.  Just stand firm.

I also take it up with God.  I ask God to protect me, give me strength, help me work it out--and he always does.  The last time this happened to me, it was God who flattened the person.  I didn't have to do a thing lol.

If it's a work situation, it needs to be managed by strategy because you cannot get away from that person.  Coming up with a strategy, a plan, also helps you to become objective.   That is the goal--to not allow this person to destroy your peace and happiness.  

People have all kinds of different intentions and motives.  They might be having a bad day, in pain themselves and want to kick somebody else to share the pain, worried, anxious, or just plain mean. Maybe they've never been taught boundaries.   Often, they are just looking for attention because they feel they don't matter to anyone.  This is why a kind word turns away wrath.  They feel they are not being heard by anyone and just want someone to pay attention to them, even if it's negative attention.  Or they might be addicts.  Or need to feel powerful by putting you down.  Or going through a difficult divorce.  Or anything.  So they are looking for someone to dump their anger onto.   If I can give my anger to you and watch you get angry instead of me, that can be cathartic. That relieves me of my burden temporarily.  This is all done subconsciously--they do not know what they are doing.  

That's why pulling away from the situation and analyzing it alone or with a friend is always helpful.  Then, instead of just reacting, [which gives them all the power to control you], you can stand, centered in yourself.  Don't forget--

1 John 4:4
Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world.

[santikos]

it depends on who the person is, we are not sure if it is a co-worker, family, friend, etc.. I must admit that i rarely get angry. and i mean rarely. Recently i began to have a dislike for 2 members of my church, they are leaders. i contemplated as to why i began to not like them. it was because of their doctrine. How do i begin to lose this dislike? well, God lead me to begin praying for them and their families. when i see them i make sure i go and hug them and say hi. maybe you should begin to pray for this person and his/hers family members. talk to the person as to why they do what they do. Do they know you do not like the way they treat you? have you expressed your feeling to this person?  Once again we are not aware of the details, but this is not a healthy way to respond to a particular person. i hope this helps  a little.

[LS]

I agree that praying for someone is one of the best ways to turn your heart around.

Also, I had the experience once of finding a co-worker extremely difficult, although I didn't get angry as you've described. But I prayed for God to help me see "something" in this person the way God saw him.  Jesus died for him and loves him, so I asked God to help me love him in some measure as well.  God's reply was very amusing and very sweet; I found a very small thing to love about the other person, and that was enough to soften my heart.  God answers prayers in surprising ways sometimes!   :HeartThrob:

Good luck to you and I'll be praying for you  :grouppray: