My testimony, how God did a miracle.

[jesushandsarekindhands]

Hello everyone.

Rather than make this a massive testimony, I want to just get to the points.  You can believe or not believe, I don't really care anymore.  I've had so many Christians calling me a liar, or Satanic or banning me from their 'Christian' web-sites and been not welcome in Churches for so long...I just don't care anymore.  I answer to God, not to man.
Everything I'm about to tell you is the truth.

My name is Marc.
I'm from the UK.

I wasn't raised in a Christian home.  When I was a child I used to read a bible which my dad had lying around.  I LOVED Jesus.

When I was 20 I went to work abroad.  I hated the experience.  I hated being away from my family, I hated it so much I became severely depressed and had to come home right away.  For the next three months I suffered terrible panic attacks and a fear of death.  I turned to the bible for answers but found no comfort, just mixed messages which I couldn't understand. 
In those 3 hellish months I lost 2 stone, I couldn't eat, all I could do was sleep, my waking hours were full of torcherous thoughts, and I would spend all of them trying to piece together whether or not their really was a God, if he was fair, if he loved me, or if I was just another bit of hell fodder as the churches would have me believe.

One day, I stood up and said "Right thats it", and I got my act together.  From now on, God or not, there was too much suffering in the world for me.  From now on I was going to love people, everyone.  I was going to give the world my love.

Soon enough I discovered that love is the strongest thing in the universe.  EVERYTHING made sense.  I can't explain this to you, you'll just have to take my word for it.
Lets put it this way; I was so intune with the universe I could wake up at a certain time any given morning at exactly the time I wanted too...I was just totally tuned into all things.  I felt really close to God, infact, when I looked for questions to my answers about him now, the Bible seemed to 'fall open' at pages in the Bible which would answer them.  I felt like I really knew God, since, I knew love, and I read then that God was love and I had no doubts whatsoever.

Life is hard, and to cut a long story short, I backslid out of this feeling of great love.
Years passed.  Losing my love meant losing my God, i started to make mistakes.

I met a girl who after some years ran away with my child.
I tried for years to get to see my child, but the mother hated me, she was a very cruel person.  The law was no help, the women have all the rights in such matters.
After sometime, i figured it would do my child a lot less damage if i just left her life altogether as her mother was turning her against me so I decided that that is what I would do eventually, when i was ready.  You have to understand how much I loved my daughter, which, again...I just can't explain.  Even all these years later without seeing her still, I still would die for my child a billion times over without even thinking about it...I promised God when she was born I would always look after her...But I couldn't.
One day, i broke down, i was at the end of my rope.  Crying on my knees and screaming to God I begged for him to help me.
Suddenly the sky opened up and thunder shook the house. 
"Whoa", I shouted.  Then I thought..."Oh dear is God angry...Please don't hurt them God!!"  I shouted aloud.  I really did believe that God was angry with what they had done and that the thunder was a sign that the was on my side in some way.

Now, i didnt think much more about this...It was silly...wasn't it?

Well a few weeks later i had an access visit to see my child.
My ex girlfriend (the one that took my child away) lived 50 or so miles away, so my parents drove me through.  I entered her house and she looked at my suspiciously and said "Did you see the thunder a few weeks ago?"  She looked at me as if I had something to do with it.  I felt a cold shiver run down my spine.
"Yes", I said.
She said "Well I was staying at my parents that night...It was horrible...A lightning bolt hit their house and cut off all the electricity and even the phone lines".
I said no more...But I knew then that God had given me a sign.

Years later, to cut a long story short, after being so confused about the church doctrines, and visiting churches that were no friends to me etc, I began to give up on God again...The God they told me about, indeed the God i was reading about in the bible at times just didnt 'fit' with the God I knew.
They said i was satanic, and that the devil had done the thunder thing.  (Like Satan controls the weather).
Now...I had always been gay, but never admitted it to myself because i didnt want to be and i believed that God hated gays.
Nevertheless i was gay...another thing that caused me major problems in my life and especially with God.

One night, (another night at the end of my rope im afraid), i thought "I might just end my life".  So many other young gay people did this, who believed that God hated them and would burn them forever for being gay.
I thought "I just cant take this anymore."  I had asked God to kill me many times before this if he wasnt happy about me being gay...But, well, he hadnt.

So on my knees again and praying to God again in a great time of need.  He answered me.
Now, i know a lot of miracles, if you would call them that dont happen to people, but im not boasting, i had nothing to do with these things that God did, he just did them, and i want to tell you them because its true.

Anyway (Im 27 now) on my knees, crying, praying, angry at God he could hate people for being gay and for making us that way, confused because most of the dogs in my neighbourhood are gay!  Confused because it WASNT MY CHOICE that i was gay.  I HATED being gay, i was even homophobic to an extent (probably because of false religious teachings) I didnt want to lose my family through it or my friends, I JUST DIDNT WANT THIS!!!
Anyway, i fell down on my knees and poured my heart out to God.  My radio was on in the background as all this was taking place and suddenly the song 'I want to break free' by Queen came on the radio.
"Hmmmm" I thought.
I continued to pray and pray and pour my heart out to God.
The song ended.
The DJ on the radio said -
"You know i think this song is really speaking to someone tonight....Lets play it again".
And they did.
I thought....
"Hmmmmm".
But i felt a LOT better.
Did God answer me?  Did he love me?

My suspicion was confirmed when the next morning i was woken to my radio alarm playing the song...."I want to break free".

I got the message.

"Ok God, so your ok with gay people" I said, "Lets find out".

It wasnt long before i read in the original languages of the Bible that the sin of sodom was inhospitality, that the word 'effeminate' means someone 'weak' or 'spiritual coward'...That the word 'homosexual' wasnt even IN the original language, but was added and no one to this day really knows what it means.  The closest description we have in English is 'temple prostitute.

Everyone.  I've had a long walk with God, its been rocky and I havent kept my faith at times.  I've been punished a lot.  I never believed in a God that would hurt anyone, never believed God would send his creation to hell....I've been led here now.
I'm the kind of guy that would rather take sides with an honest atheist than a dishonest Christian, I'm no respector of people.  All ive ever cared about is getting to the truth, and since believers and non believers have supressed it, lied to make their sides win a debate etc etc, the truth is very hard to find.  But, the truth is simply this 'love'.

Theres a lot more I could say, but I'll leave this on first and see if I get banned before I spend my time typing more.

I pray, unlike every other Christian place i have ever entered, that I will be welcome for my beliefs, and for my testimony, because I want to be with other Christians, but if not, I WILL shake the dust from my feet and move on.  I'm here to please God, not man.
You don't have to believe the miracle stories i've told, you don't even have to take my word for it that God loves gays or he will one day save all men.
But one day, you WILL believe me, either in this life or the one to come and whether I am welcome here or not, know that God loves you, and I love you all as well, with all my heart, soul, mind and strength.

Yours faithfully,

Marc.

[WhiteWings]

Hello everyone.

Rather than make this a massive testimony, I want to just get to the points.

This must be the most massive none massive intro post :laughing7:

You can believe or not believe, I don't really care anymore.  I've had so many Christians calling me a liar, or Satanic or banning me from their 'Christian' web-sites and been not welcome in Churches for so long...I just don't care anymore.  I answer to God, not to man.

If you hang out here and read (past) messages you will notice you are not unique in that experience.

:welcome: Marc :reachout:

[jesushandsarekindhands]

Wow, im welcome!

Now THAT is a miracle.

[Cardinal]

 :cloud9: Welcome to the Tent, Marc...........we are (for the most part) all aware that God would and will have all men to be saved, whether in this life or the next. About the only thing in that regard that all don't agree on, is just HOW that is going to transpire. Pull up a chair and join us. Coffee or tea?  :happygrin: Blessings....

[Taffy]

Welcome Mark ,from another Outcast who also abides in the UK :icon_flower:

TY for sharing your testimony with us all :icon_flower:


well If Cards offer the coffee of tea, ill provide the digestives , not sure they get those state side Marc..lol


:icon_flower:

[jesushandsarekindhands]

Thank you Cardinal.

I'm not sure how God is going to save all mankind either.
All I know his, he can break any man down, he's done it to me often enough.

I always imagine it like the end of braveheart...The enemies of Wallace are CRYING out for his blood....
...."KILL HIM, RACK HIM, TORCHER HIM, CUT HIM UP, HANG HIM".
Wallace had killed their husbands, their brothers, their soldiers, HATED by
the English....They wanted to see him SUFFER.

Then....

"Mercy!"  Someone shouted.  "Oh God have mercy on him, he's had enough"
"MERCY, MERCY!!!"
And they began to turn against the man that was executing Wallace...HE became the 'baddie'.

All I know is if God says to me on Judgment day -
"Marc...Here are your enemies.  They have repented of their sin, as you have and now in my image you can all be friends, kiss and make up, because were all stuck here for eternity now!"  
I'll be very, VERY happy, because I don't want anyone left behind.

[jesushandsarekindhands]

Welcome Mark ,from another Outcast who also abides in the UK :icon_flower:

TY for sharing your testimony with us all :icon_flower:


well If Cards offer the coffee of tea, ill provide the digestives , not sure they get those state side Marc..lol


:icon_flower:

Thank you for welcoming me...It means a lot to me.

[Molly]

Hi Marc--

I loved your testimony.  Sounds like the God I know.

I've had that experience, too, of having the same thing presented to me three times in a row.  It gets your attention! lol

:welcome:

[jesushandsarekindhands]

Hi Marc--

I loved your testimony.  Sounds like the God I know.

I've had that experience, too, of having the same thing presented to me three times in a row.  It gets your attention! lol

:welcome:

Molly....its always THREE times isnt it!!!?
He must know the first time we will say...
"Hmmmm"....
The second time well doubt again and say...
"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm".
Then the third time well say....
..."OK its finally sunk in!"

Wow, it really is all true.  He really does love us all. 
Forgive me, i've doubted a lot lately, ive been through a lot and just starting to find him again.
He's been so good to me.  I wish I knew him better to thank him and give him the thanks hes worthy of.

[sparrow]

All I know is if God says to me on Judgment day -
"Marc...Here are your enemies.  They have repented of their sin, as you have and now in my image you can all be friends, kiss and make up, because were all stuck here for eternity now!"  
I'll be very, VERY happy, because I don't want anyone left behind.

I really like that.
Thank you for being you.
Welcome to the forum, my new friend.  :HeartThrob:
love,
sparrow

[jesushandsarekindhands]

All I know is if God says to me on Judgment day -
"Marc...Here are your enemies.  They have repented of their sin, as you have and now in my image you can all be friends, kiss and make up, because were all stuck here for eternity now!"  
I'll be very, VERY happy, because I don't want anyone left behind.

I really like that.
Thank you for being you.
Welcome to the forum, my new friend.  :HeartThrob:
love,
sparrow

Thank you Sparrow, and I love you too, with all my heart, and i love your poem as well...

"I knelt to drink,
And knew that I was on the brink
Of endless joy. And everywhere
I turned I saw a wonder there."

It makes me happy just hearing that!

Marc. 

[sparrow]

 :icon_flower:
It's an excerpt from a poem by someone named John Piper.
I don't really know anything about the guy... just the poem.

Here's more:

...And as I knelt beside the brook
To drink eternal life, I took
A glance across the golden grass,
And saw my dog, old Blackie, fast
As she could come. She leaped the stream—
Almost—and what a happy gleam
Was in her eye.

I knelt to drink,
And knew that I was on the brink
Of endless joy. And everywhere
I turned I saw a wonder there.
A big man running on the lawn:
That's old John Younge with both legs on.
The blind can see a bird on wing,
The dumb can lift his voice and sing.
The diabetic eats at will,
The coronary runs uphill.
The lame can walk, the deaf can hear,
The cancer-ridden bone is clear.
Arthritic joints are lithe and free,
And every pain has ceased to be.

And every sorrow deep within,
And every trace of lingering sin
Is gone. And all that's left is joy,
And endless ages to employ
The mind and heart to understand
And love the sovereign Lord who planned
That it should take eternity
To lavish all his grace on me.

O God of wonder, God of might,
Grant us some elevated sight,
Of endless days. And let us see
The joy of what is yet to be.
And may your future make us free,
And guard us by the hope that we,
Within the light of candle four,
Are glorified forevermore.

[martincisneros]

Hi, we love you with absolutely all of our hearts, but no solid New Testament Greek scholar takes the homosexual references in the New Testament so flippantly.  There's nothing new under the sun, per Ecclesiastes, and what exists these days existed back then and inhospitality wasn't the only abomination of Sodom and Gomorrah.  No New Testament Greek scholar treats the Greek in that way with regards to Romans 1 and half a dozen other passages that doesn't personally have a gay agenda and want to really really really stretch (distort) the meaning beyond the plain sense.  It's no different than anything else has to repent of, even if it means with strong tears and lots of fasting and prayer to be broken free from that.  It's no more deserving of death than any other sin, but it's unquestionably a sin that Jesus came to take away with His own Blood and by taking every thought captive per 2Corinthians 10 so that people could be transfigured by the renewing of their minds per Romans 12 so that having put on the New man, according to Ephesians, then the relations that God created in the beginning would be the basis for God's New World that's being inaugurated one heart at a time under the scepter of Jesus Christ thru the Great Commission.

[jesushandsarekindhands]

Wow, its so beautiful.  Imagine, being in the company of perfect love FOREVER, with no more fear or anything...no night there because God lights it...all our friends, everyone happy...Imagine we could spend eternity making friends with all the billions of people that ever lived.  We could talk to someone for 100 years in one sitting if we wanted lol!  Whoa what a thing to think about, imagine all the things that God could make, he can do anything!....And an infinite universe and unlimited time to do amazing things, which are probably so amazing i cant even imagine.

But as it is written, "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined the things that God has prepared for those who love him."
1 Corinthians 2:9


Im going to make an effort to love more, ive not been doing enough lately, need to cast of some of my doubts and just let the love flow baby yeha!

[jabcat]

Welcome jhkh.  I agree Martin.  I am no one's judge.  With the apostle Paul I say that the things I want to do, I don't do, and the things I don't want to do, those things I do.  However, I believe God calls us all into a life of denying self and walking in obedience to Him – and only through His empowerment are we able to do so.  

It is also not my place to condemn, but I will express my understanding.  I believe there indeed are scriptures that teach us that an active homosexual lifestyle are not God's will, including Romans 1:26-31.  I know there are many other sins and conditions involved there as well – all that is not of God will be lovingly but with a surety dealt with by our Father.  Nothing unclean will get by His presence.  He will cleanse us, either now as we take up our cross, deny ourselves and follow Him, or later in His lake of divine purification.  

Putting the homosexual issue aside (although I believe the issue is also addressed in the following) I also understand scripture to teach that any and all sexuality between 2 people is to be within the bounds of marriage.  Anything else is sin and against God's plan and will.

Again, I am not anyone's judge, I fail in many areas. I have been guilty of some of the very things in the Romans passage and others, and have suffered with bitter tears.  But as the subject has been so openly broached, I feel it is my obligation to respond.   IMO, we are to seek to please and follow Him, always looking to Him for the ability/empowerment to do so. 

James.  

[jesushandsarekindhands]

Hi, we love you with absolutely all of our hearts, but no solid New Testament Greek scholar takes the homosexual references in the New Testament so flippantly.  There's nothing new under the sun, per Ecclesiastes, and what exists these days existed back then and inhospitality wasn't the only abomination of Sodom and Gomorrah.  No New Testament Greek scholar treats the Greek in that way with regards to Romans 1 and half a dozen other passages that doesn't personally have a gay agenda and want to really really really stretch (distort) the meaning beyond the plain sense.  It's no different than anything else has to repent of, even if it means with strong tears and lots of fasting and prayer to be broken free from that.  It's no more deserving of death than any other sin, but it's unquestionably a sin that Jesus came to take away with His own Blood and by taking every thought captive per 2Corinthians 10 so that people could be transfigured by the renewing of their minds per Romans 12 so that having put on the New man, according to Ephesians, then the relations that God created in the beginning would be the basis for God's New World that's being inaugurated one heart at a time under the scepter of Jesus Christ thru the Great Commission.

I guess it depends on how you interpret the scriptures.  It's different when your son is gay or your best friend or you yourself are, and you have no control over it....Especially when your told your hell fodder for something you have no control over....It isn't like telling a lie.  I could stop that, or being nasty, that can be worked on.  It's inbuilt, and unless you've been there, you really can't debate about it, you can only guess what the scriptures say with the greatest intent through 'a dirty glass' (I Cor. 13).

But does the clay ask the potter, "Why did you make me this way"?
Why should i feel sinful for being the way I was made?  
Also my revelation from God makes me know he is ok with it, so I've stopped seeking mans approval.

And I love you too!

[jesushandsarekindhands]

Guys im not here to debate about whether my being gay allows me to be accepted by any of you.  God has excepted me, 'just as i am'.  And if God want's me to be straight, then I'm sure he will let me know, but until such times, I have his revelation that he loves me, and it's ok.

Romans 14:23 But he who doubts is condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith; and whatever is not from faith is sin.

One man considers one day more sacred than another; another man considers every day alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind.

And lets face it.  Most Christians would argue with the idea of universal salvation, including myself to a degree, but I'm not here to debate, I'm here to meet people of a like mind because I have TWO things to do.
Love God and my neighbour as myself.

I will concern myself with those things, because debating is fruitless.

[jabcat]

You're right, no debate needed.  However, I will address another point you made to Martin about God making you a certain way.  Simply based on that statement, new research shows there is no "gay gene", no inherent, strictly biological pathway to homosexuality.  One could also say "God made me to be angry", or "God made me to beat my wife", or "God made me to murder"..."so who am I to argue with God"?  As with many things, IMO, we have choices to make, including accepting our sins or taking them to God for help.

I don't expect to "talk you out of or into anything".  No one is asking for a debate, and God is all our Judge.  I am responding to specific things you voluntarily posted, and letting you know my understanding.

No stones to cast, just expect that there may be other viewpoints when things are offered in discussion.

James.

[Cardinal]

 :cloud9: Amen Jab.......no stones to cast at all. The woman caught in adultery is as the soul of all of us, who starts out not joined to the Spirit of the Lord in motive of the heart or in acts, but becomes His spotless bride in the end. Blessings to all......

[jesushandsarekindhands]

It saddens me that you all picked up on the gay thing so soon, rather than see me as a brother...even a human being.

But I don't know where you get your 'facts' from jabcat, but they don't sound like facts at all.

There is no ancient Hebrew word for 'natural' or 'unnatural'. Natura is the Greek phusis, i.e., what is material. Homosexuality is as material as heterosexuality.

Same sex pairings are found in more than 450 species.  Natural then for animals AND humans.

Same sex pairings are found in virtually every human social group. It is essentially impossible to argue convincingly that such a wide-spread behaviour is 'un-natural'.

Thirdly all the major professional medical, psychiatric and psychological bodies in the western world now accept that being gay is as natural as being left handed.

So, someones distorted view of a few verses of scripture isn't really going to suddenly make me straight.  I fought it for 27 years, not bad going really.  Shall I waste the rest of my life too loving a woman I can't love and ruining her life?  Or perhaps I should spend my life alone just to please you and your version of the scriptures?

Love transcends all boundaries, and this IS the final thing I will say on the matter.

Deeply saddened you picked up on the gay thing, but at the same time I'm not because I know who I've trusted.

[jabcat]

New research, readily available, check it for yourself with an open mind. The mapping of the human genome.  Evidence of what many still really knew all along.  The assumptions of the past 30-40 years were apparently misguided.

You brought it up and you must know it is a controversial topic.  I don't want to assume, but did you have a motive for bringing it up?  Testing the waters perhaps? 

P.S.  No one has rejected you or derided you.  Responding to what you offered. 

James.

[Beloved Servant]

Oh! please!
Brethren!
No sin of the flesh or of the mind is any different from another. They are all the same.
A lie, an adultery, a theft, a fornication (same sex or opposite).
All these are the same thing!
There is no gray area here.
If you think it; YOU DID IT!
Now put away your vain imaginations!

If you think it; YOU DID IT!

[jesushandsarekindhands]

New research, readily available, check it for yourself with an open mind.  The old assumptions were apparently misguided.

You brought it up and you must know it is a controversial topic.  I don't want to assume, but did you have a motive for bringing it up?  Testing the waters perhaps? 

P.S.  No one has rejected you or derided you.  Responding to what you offered.

James.

I won't debate further.

Of all the things you could have asked me, about the miracles God worked in my life, about his great love he shown me, about my background, ANYTHING you picked up on the ONE little thing you DON'T like about me because of your distorted view of scripture and/or your own prejudice and now you want to debate on it, well you won't get a debate from me.

As I have said, God doesn't mind.  Why do you?
I've just come out of hell in my mind through years of wicked doctrines, would you have me go back?
Am I not serving God by loving him and my neighbour as myself?
Do you think that because I'm gay it means I have sex with men? 
Do you know ANYTHING about what being gay actually means?
Do you know me?
Did you take the time to get to know me first before you jumped on me with the 'whole gay thing'?

No, you didn't!

2 Samuel 1:26 >>
   
NIV©I grieve for you, Jonathan my brother; you were very dear to me. Your love for me was wonderful, more wonderful than that of women.

Now go and learn what that means before you question the way God created me my friend.

[jesushandsarekindhands]

Oh! please!
Brethren!
No sin of the flesh or of the mind is any different from another. They are all the same.
A lie, an adultery, a theft, a fornication (same sex or opposite).
All these are the same thing!
There is no gray area here.
If you think it; YOU DID IT!
Now put away your vain imaginations!

If you think it; YOU DID IT!

LOUD CHEER.

Someone here knows what he's talking about, praise the Lord.

[jabcat]

Would you like to remain here?  I've shown you respect, I ask the same from you.  I've not demanded anything, yet you make all sorts of assumptions and at least border on accusations of my intent.  Many of our problems we create ourselves, and it appears you come with that attitude.  Not too late to back it off a little.