About to Go Insane; I May Have Found You Just In Time

[HeyJude]

I don't believe it. I'm just not trustful enough of it, but maybe I'll have more to come.

[Cardinal]

 :cloud9: I don't know why you think people here won't like it. Most of the people know what you said IS TRUTH, in the same way that you just received it. Trust what you heard, that was the voice of the One trying to get you to turn to Him with your whole heart. That was AWESOME. Blessings..... :HeartThrob:

PS. Read the NT over and over until it gets down in your heart. His Spirit will bear witness with it.

[Molly]

1 I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.

2My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth.

3He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.

4Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.

5The LORD is thy keeper: the LORD is thy shade upon thy right hand.

6The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.

7The LORD shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.

8The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.


--Psalm 121

[Redlettervoice]

I don't believe it. I'm just not trustful enough of it, but maybe I'll have more to come.

Let "every thing" that is "within you" praise the Lord.

Let

Let

Let

[firstborn888]

Can you understand this, what it means to be mortally afraid of the entire world, equal parts scared of and pitying of your own family and loved ones, and hovering on the brink of insanity? Can you understand what living like that for an extended period is like?

Hey HeyJude,
  Some of us can understand somewhat, but none of us can really understand the depth of your personal anguish, but let me say I've had at least a good taste of what your talking about - especially with the fear thing. So for now, just let the peace being shared with you sink in the best you can - I can trust God to the rest.
  Welcome to the forum - you'll find a lot of loving caring people here who reflect our loving caring creator.

  Blessings,
- Byron

[sven]

hi Jude, you remind me a bit on me, I'm too tired and too busy to wrote at the moment but when I find the time I'll try to write you some things.

feel welcome here

[Raggedy Anne]

Jude,

Just so you know, there was a time in my life many years ago that I was so deeply depressed I thought God himself was literally pursuing me in order to kill me.  And I did fear I was losing my mind.  And I never thought I'd be able to escape that condition.  So, yes, I've been in a very bad place in my mind and spirit like you are now.  Sadly, I could not talk to anyone about it and had no hint of hope that I could see.  But I kept living because I had children who needed a mother.  That and I also feared death, which kept me from suicide.  I believe most of these very dark spiritual problems I had came from the spirits of fear in various churches.  Religion was a LOT of my problem.  Getting free from the bondage of religion was what I needed, but I was powerless.    Yet I kept searching and one day in the year 2000 I cried out to God and was on my face before him to please help remove me from the darkness and confusion.  Next thing you know, I found Tentmaker and read and read and read and listened to some tapes by Gary Amirault and I was healed and delivered from fear and depression and have never been the same.

Courage!
Anne

[preistsplace]

Hi Hey Jude ,
God loves you intensely. He has not given you a spirit of fear, Because God is love and perfect love csts out fear. Take your time its not about having all the answers or even all the questions, it is about bringing your questions , doubts and fears to the right person
I call him Jesus others call him Yeshua,He loves you and does not wish to see you suffer.
I will be lifting you up in prayer.
If my God Is with me who then shall I fear
The Lord is my shepherd
I shall not want
The angel of the Lord encampeth aroud those that fear (respect) him

[SQ]

Jude,

Just so you know, there was a time in my life many years ago that I was so deeply depressed I thought God himself was literally pursuing me in order to kill me.  And I did fear I was losing my mind.  And I never thought I'd be able to escape that condition.  So, yes, I've been in a very bad place in my mind and spirit like you are now.  Sadly, I could not talk to anyone about it and had no hint of hope that I could see.  But I kept living because I had children who needed a mother.  That and I also feared death, which kept me from suicide.  I believe most of these very dark spiritual problems I had came from the spirits of fear in various churches.  Religion was a LOT of my problem.  Getting free from the bondage of religion was what I needed, but I was powerless.    Yet I kept searching and one day in the year 2000 I cried out to God and was on my face before him to please help remove me from the darkness and confusion.  Next thing you know, I found Tentmaker and read and read and read and listened to some tapes by Gary Amirault and I was healed and delivered from fear and depression and have never been the same.

Courage!
Anne

There must be something about the year 2,000 that is the last time I went to a pentacostal church, God let me know in no uncertain terms it was time to leave.
I stumbled around for about 3 years wondering now what, still haven't found a church, I am not sure there is one in my area that doesn't believe in eternal torment.
I am so glad I have been led to universal salvation, for years I leaned toward annihilation.
There is no scripture proof for ET or annihilation.

[Raggedy Anne]

Jude,

I don't think this is a good time in history to be "church shopping".   Those who have been through what you have been through will not likely prosper in any church.  Besides, they all disagree about dogma - which is CONFUSION.   Read, spend time in praise and worship, rest quietly in the presence of the Lord and wait for Him to speak to you.  That is my advice, for what it's worth. 

I thank God that you have found an Oasis in the desert.   Many here have rivers of living water flowing from them which God poured into their vessels.

Peace -
Anne

[arup]

HeyJude,

I haven't posted on TM in years (or read very much at all).  But, I read your post this night, and wanted to share a bit of my story with you.  I was in a very rough place, spiritually speaking, a few years ago.  Up to that point in my life, I had had a pretty good experience in my walk with Christ.  I can't say why, for certain, but I fell off the wagon - nothing changed particularly in my outward life, but inwardly I had fallen apart.  I can remember specifically one of the moments where something in scripture led me to ask God who he really was.  During that time I believe God really pushed me towards an understanding of his desire and intent to save all through Christ.  Frankly, God has given me more concrete confirmation of that intent than he has of most things - and I am thankful, because I sure needed it at the time.  Since then, he has re-centered me a bit on the more foundational things of Christ... but having the hope of Christ as being ultimately victorious has been an important part of the picture.

Reading your initial post, I recall that you are struggling with the concept of God requiring that you pay "every last penny", so to speak.  When I began studying UR, I had some of the same questions and concerns that you do - and I still do to some extent.  Looking at God that way is troublesome.  However, I have come to realize that seeing God as a Father rather than simply an issuer of judgment is critical in sorthing these things out.  God is not making emotionless decisions to conform us to him.  His heart is that of a Father working with his children in ways that can be painful for us and himself.  In the Gospels, it seems that Jesus is constantly challenging us to see God as a Father...

In my case, it really took some time to work through these things...  I don't know how long it will take for you, but I just want to encourage you...  I hope for your peace - I know it can be a long road...

Andrew

[jesushandsarekindhands]

Jude first let me say thanks for posting and secondly, I know the depths your in right now.  I was in them for a good 3 months.  (Well a bad 3 months) at one point in my life where (in those 3 months) life was UNBEARABLE.
Im not going to go into my nightmare, but i remember thinking "I couldnt feel any worse, its immpossible", and i was right.  I couldnt.

The only thing that would have made that time in my life worse for me was if it had lasted longer, thankfully it only lasted 3 months, but every minute felt like 300 months, every-single-minute.

To be honest, all i could really do was sleep, because i couldnt eat, think, talk, concentrate, anything.

Anyway, ill tell you what saved me and it might work for you.

One day, i stood up.
I said "Right, thats it", (along with a few swear words and punching a few walls), FROM NOW ON, Im going to LOVE people with ALL my heart. 
GOD can BURN me forever if he wants, but this MISERABLE world needs help and IM going to give it to the world, im going to LOVE unconditionally, im going to LOVE everyone, because I dont want ANYONE not even my WORST enemy ever feeling like this."

Soon enough, the fear subsided, as the 'love cast out fear'.

Now...Love IS God.   And that was the lesson he was teaching me then, because like you, i had a mixed up idea of who God was through various teachings, churches, religions etc.

AFTER I decided to live in love, God spoke to me.  Passages i hadnt understood in the Bible made sense, the Bible was falling open at pages that answered deep questions in my mind I hadnt been able to answer.  He CONFIRMED to me that I had found him.

Please Jude, God may want you to do the same now.  Your so lucky you have the internet and people to talk too.  I had noone, Noone understood, no internet in those days either. (Well I didnt have it anyway)  (I was 20...so, that would have been about 1998).

It was a horrible time, but after it i remember walking down the street one day, the sun shining, thinking of God, my family and thinking "Im the luckiest, happiest person on all the earth", and i knew i was right then.

You can get over this, pvt message me anytime, day or night, i will help you till the ends of the Earth with this, you are NOT alone.  I love you, and God loves you even more.  PLEASE let love grab you, let it break you down, let it deep inside you till it fills you right up.  Watch nice TV shows like old episodes of highway to heaven on utube, CRY YOUR EYES OUT, FEEL the love, (Bob Marley REALLY helped me i through his music, i must thank him some day)...Whatever is good and nice and kind and loving, think about all those things, and i know that you will get well soon, and when you do youll make the world in this present time, a little better for all of us, and THAT is ETERNALLY a WORTHWHILE cause.

Lots of love little brother.

[jesushandsarekindhands]

Oh and when you believed God spoke to you.

He did.

[jesushandsarekindhands]

And when I said
"Your lucky you have people to talk to, i didnt".
I dont want you to think of me as saying 'my depression was worse than yours' because it may not have been, i have no idea fully what your going through right now, and anyone who has ever sunk THAT low, would NEVER say any such thing, because noone knows what can go on in another person mind.

But you ARE seeing life through the way YOU THINK it is, but its NOT the way you THINK it is brother.

I love you with all my heart, get well soon.

[MoriahConqueringWind]

I have been crying out, and it seems like the only answers I get are either lies, nightmares, or things I can't even comprehend or be sure I actually saw, let alone understood. I don't want to live any more. ..... There is nothing here for me in this life, and I fear that even if there does come to be something eventually, it's still earthly and by doing anything to go after it ... I'm doing wrong.

Can you understand this, what it means to be mortally afraid of the entire world, equal parts scared of and pitying of your own family and loved ones, and hovering on the brink of insanity? Can you understand what living like that for an extended period is like?

That, and more. Yes.

[MacPherson]

However, the arguments I have NOT been able to refute thus far are of a different type. Bluntly put, the Christian mythos as we are taught it has almost nothing original in it. I don't just mean it's similar to, among others, Buddha, Mithra, Dionysus, Krishna, the Egyptian holy trinities plural (of which Isis/Osiris/Horus are but one), and a host of others. I mean entire mythic cycles are cribbed wholesale from these.

I'm planning on taking these on this year. I am going to study all of these and see if they really do compare to the Christ, the way people say they do.

My guess is there is a resemblance, but no direct correlation to indicate them having inspired the authors of the Bible to make up a religion via plagiarism.

I will say off hand that since we are made by Christ and through Christ, it's a foregone conclusion that what has been established since the foundations of the world, has been hardwired into us. So people coming up with stuff that resembles God's desires and ultimate plan for mankind, is most likely is what  influenced the inventors of this that and the other, which resembles Christ/Christianity, rather than the other way around.

[friendofmankind]

However, the arguments I have NOT been able to refute thus far are of a different type. Bluntly put, the Christian mythos as we are taught it has almost nothing original in it. I don't just mean it's similar to, among others, Buddha, Mithra, Dionysus, Krishna, the Egyptian holy trinities plural (of which Isis/Osiris/Horus are but one), and a host of others. I mean entire mythic cycles are cribbed wholesale from these.

I'm planning on taking these on this year. I am going to study all of these and see if they really do compare to the Christ, the way people say they do.

My guess is there is a resemblance, but no direct correlation to indicate them having inspired the authors of the Bible to make up a religion via plagiarism.

I will say off hand that since we are made by Christ and through Christ, it's a foregone conclusion that what has been established since the foundations of the world, has been hardwired into us. So people coming up with God's desires and ultimate plan for mankind, has most likely influenced the inventors of this that and the other, which resembles Christ/Christianity, rather than the other way around.

There is a lot on UTUBE on the matter if it is any help.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9vm_wh-84D8

[Cardinal]

My guess is there is a resemblance, but no direct correlation to indicate them having inspired the authors of the Bible to make up a religion via plagiarism.

I will say off hand that since we are made by Christ and through Christ, it's a foregone conclusion that what has been established since the foundations of the world, has been hardwired into us. So people coming up with stuff that resembles God's desires and ultimate plan for mankind, is most likely is what  influenced the inventors of this that and the other, which resembles Christ/Christianity, rather than the other way around.

:cloud9: :thumbsup:

[reFORMer]

C. S. Lewis said that the various mythic parallels to aspects of the gospel, of Jesus nature, death and resurrection functioned somewhat in the Gentile world like the Prophets of Israel and Judah who described Christs coming, His works and words, what we know now as the gospel, and other deep mysteries written beforehand worked to bring faith and knowledge in the event God was bringing to pass with the advent of the Son. In other words, the real Adonis came.  There are parallels in other traditions and spiritual paths.  Zen is included in the gospel, although the gospel is not in Zen.  All creation is in travail for the manifestation of the sons of God.  That is a voice describing the need that will be answered with the Presence of the Holy One.  The real in the flesh of all the hopes, of all things good, manifested with the coming of Jesus.  Having attained immortality, whatever He ascended into, He was able to send Himself as Spirit into our innermost beings.  We now have the reality, a sprouting Seed that is the substance of whatever mankind has yearned for, that God has planted to hope for in all creation.

[Cardinal]

 :cloud9:  :thumbsup:

[junkbunny]

Has anyone heard from Jude since August?  The lack of posts since then concerns me...

[MacPherson]

However, the arguments I have NOT been able to refute thus far are of a different type. Bluntly put, the Christian mythos as we are taught it has almost nothing original in it. I don't just mean it's similar to, among others, Buddha, Mithra, Dionysus, Krishna, the Egyptian holy trinities plural (of which Isis/Osiris/Horus are but one), and a host of others. I mean entire mythic cycles are cribbed wholesale from these.

I'm planning on taking these on this year. I am going to study all of these and see if they really do compare to the Christ, the way people say they do.

My guess is there is a resemblance, but no direct correlation to indicate them having inspired the authors of the Bible to make up a religion via plagiarism.

I will say off hand that since we are made by Christ and through Christ, it's a foregone conclusion that what has been established since the foundations of the world, has been hardwired into us. So people coming up with God's desires and ultimate plan for mankind, has most likely influenced the inventors of this that and the other, which resembles Christ/Christianity, rather than the other way around.

There is a lot on UTUBE on the matter if it is any help.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9vm_wh-84D8

Yeah, I've checked into some of that. But I think I'm going to study some of these from the source objectively. There seems to be a lot of lies that are being believed at face value (I know, how shocking).
My brother the very learned apostate Christian laid quite a few of them on me recently. But I really don't think he studied any of this in depth, he's just believing what he's heard (because he's coming up with excuses to preserve his "freedom"). One of the ones that made me laugh is him saying Origen took the "cut you hand off if it offends you " literally and cut something else off. Funny the idea of Origen doing a 180 and taking the hell part as figurative and the maiming part as literal, which of course he didn't. They claim Mithra was born of a virgin woman, the same as Christ. Mithra was born out of a rock. That's I'm sure one of many misnomers I'll uncover. I also found out from reading his writings (rather than based on what someone told me) that it was Justin Martyr who first promoted Sunday keeping and  denounced Christians adhering to the Judaic Saturday Sabbath, not Constantine, as the Seventh day Adventist claim. Amazing what you learn when you go to the source and actually learn. My challenge to any telling me this and that, is, "is that something you learned, or is it something you were taught?"