I quit.

[MacPherson]

But I made a personal oath to regularly attend for at least one full year.

Why? I'm just curious....
Maybe.. you need some time away.
Just because you made a personal oath doesn't mean you can't change your mind.

Sorry, that just popped out at me and I had to comment.

Maybe what you need... is alone time.
Just you and God, without "religion", without a bunch of other people's opinions?

Well... I don't truly know your situation, but it was just a thought..

:HeartThrob:,
Sparrow

Well, here's the thing. I'm a recluse by nature. And I spent 15 years away from church (and people period) except for a couple of brief stabs at attendance. Before that I attended church with family and that involved a lot of get-togethers. Home groups, restaurants, movies, concerts, camp outs etc. So the only people I feel comfortable being around are Christians. About seven months ago I had what, for lack of a better term, I'd call a psychotic episode where I became stark raving terrified of hell. It was at this time I realized how isolated I was. I kept thinking of all the brothers and sisters I used to know, who I could've turned to in a time of crisis like this, and now I had no one to turn to. Plus I missed all the good times we had.

God lead me to a wonderful small fellowship right off the bat. Most of the NT is about fellowshipping and fellowships. There's much more to it than "religion" and other peoples opinions. There's love, support and edification. Recently a member's mother died, and he expressed his heartfelt gratitude to the fellowship for all their loving support (I say "their" because I was out with the flu at the time). Anyways, it's all that I could ask for in a fellowship.

But, in being such a recluse by nature, I didn't want to end up drifting way after I had gotten a certain amount of fill. So I made a commitment to remain faithful for a full year. I figured by a year's time, I will have grown roots. And if nothing else, it's a personal challenge.

Even secular doctors stress the importance of belonging to some sort of fellowship. Most health gurus will stress the nurturing importance of getting/giving a good hug on a regular basis. I belong to a very huggy fellowship. Most, hopefully all, of us share a very important thing in common; that we love the Lord our God with all our hearts, minds, souls and strength and one another as our own selves.
So, yeah, I'll be there tonight. A couple hours spent with cheerful people whom I love and who love me, isn't going to deprive me of alone time. Especially considering I live alone and even have a job where I pretty much work alone. Even if I attend both Sunday services, Monday school of theology (Historical Books), Tuesday home group, Wednesday Bible study and Saturday men's fellowship - I'm still alone the vast majority of the time.

Ahhh, solitude.

[MacPherson]

Thanks to all of you. I think I'm okay now. Just a "bi-polar" episode or heavy attack.
Here's something that was shared with me that I'm sure you'll all find edifying.

Hi Brian,

As I said at Joe's, there is a difference between being "undecided" about a thing, on the one hand, and being "confused" about it, on the other. The second could possibly lead to a nervous breakdown. The first does not necessarily even lead to discomfort.

It seems that uncertainty, or indecision, about a subject could lead to confusion if a person felt some particular urgency about understanding something about which insufficient information was presently available. The perceived urgency might stem from one of two possible factors:

1) the perception that an immediate grasp of the subject is essential either to the acquiring of some indispensable benefit, or to the avoidance of some serious harm; or

2) a dislike for long-term learning—leading one to insist on understanding today everything that one hopes ever to understand, so as not to have to ever learn anything in the future.

Now, I can't see why gaining a correct understanding of the meaning of Revelation, or of the exact fate of the lost, or even of the question of unconditional security, would be seen as an immediate necessity (or even an eventual necessity!) by one who has made a commitment to follow Jesus forever. That person is not in danger of sharing the fate of the wicked, nor of doing anything that compromises the security of his salvation, nor of being unprepared to face whatever the future may hold.
Even the more-important theological concerns, like that of gaining a full understanding of the exact relationship of Christ and the Father, does not seem to pose an urgent requirement——or else we should have expected Jesus to waste no time in sitting down with His disciples and giving them lessons about that subject (which we have no record of His ever doing).

It seems to me that loving God with all your heart and loving your neighbor as yourself, and determining to follow Jesus and trust God are all matters that do not require sophisticated theological understanding. More detailed, and more accurate, knowledge can be gained along the road, so long as we are continuing to shoulder His yoke and to learn from Him.

Obsession with side issues is a distraction from the devil——and is probably one kind of idolatry. We will learn our theology at Jesus' feet, if we remain in proximity by an active pursuit. The Holy Spirit will lead true disciples, eventually, into all truth——though it will be at His chosen rate, not ours. Our study of the scriptures is essential, but we will gain true understanding no faster than the Holy Spirit chooses to grant us His insights.

As for the differences in opinion between Bible teachers of equal intelligence and dedication, this need not be so astonishing either. There is more to the enterprise of learning than mere intelligence. There is the additional gauge of a man's willingness to learn——even at the cost of a potentially humbling change of mind on matters that one has defended publicly! This is the factor sometimes called "teachableness," which is a specie of humility, or at least of meekness. None of us is free from pride, prejudice and preference in our studies. Where any of these factors are interfering with our objectivity, even superior intelligence cannot help us over hurdles found in controversial settings.

The more a man has publicly declared his views on a subject——even to the point of defending them against rival viewpoints——the more tempted he will be to remain of the same mind and to increasingly demonize other viewpoints (which is usually a sure sign of insecurity). Once this attitude has been adopted, both prejudice and pride tend to guarantee that the affected man will do no more learning on the topic in question. The waters are often further muddied by any of the following:

1. If a man is a professional, hired by an institution that expects him to toe the party line, he has much more reason to remain narrow-minded and unteachable;

2. If a man admires (and possibly wishes to please) well-known personalities, or denominational superiors, that are associated with one side of a controversial question, this can lock him into a poorly-supported viewpoint, out of which he could otherwise easily find his way;

3. If a man feels that changing his mind will cause him to appear to be wishy-washy, or unstable in the eyes of his audience or his congregation, and thinks that "standing strong" means never changing your mind to accommodate better information, then he is not likely even to give a fair hearing to viewpoints rivaling his own.

When you consider that most public ministers have one or more of these factors putting pressure upon them to conform, it removes any sense of mystery as to why professional ministers (regardless of their theological persuasion) rarely see themselves as being in error, and, hence, rarely grow beyond the understanding they derived from their earliest teachers.

[Nathan]

GREAT ADVICE!!!  HANG ON TO WHOEVER IS SHARING THAT!!!!

[MacPherson]

GREAT ADVICE!!!  HANG ON TO WHOEVER IS SHARING THAT!!!!

Well, I didn't get his permission to post that or attach his name to it. But I'll roll the dice that he won't mind if I do or try to sue me. That was, Steve Gregg, host of The Narrow Path radio show. Go to www.thenarrowpath.com to listen to 365 radio shows along with dozens of hours worth of teachings and debates all free of charge with very easy download even with dial-up. Or find out if your local radio station carries his show. So everyone can hang on to him.

[MacPherson]

I've come to realize something. Not given my history since kindergarten, that it should come as any surprise. But I'm firmly convinced I have a mild form of bipolar disorder.
The last few days were like a Jekyll and Hyde thing. I emailed a long ranting diatribe to several pastors and teachers. I included Martin in some of it, and I'm sure he will attest to the fact that I was obviously having a meltdown over nothing. Now that the fever has past, my attitude is; Okay so pastors and teachers can't agree on esoteric controversial subject matter. Big deal.

Just wanted to add that I showed up at church last night, and my pastor just lovingly laughed off all the scathing emails I sent, saying "I didn't know what to do with them after a while." And my Universalist slash hell isn't eternal punishment leanings are out of the bag. He simply said that I'll have to decide which teaching is right.

God is working something out here.

[Seeker]

Brian,

I've been really struggling with trying to understand God.  I'm confused between a God that is filled with love for his people (what I feel in my heart), and the God that most modern day religions paint (An angry God who will do as he please if we do not obey).

For what it's worth, reading over your experience really helped me because I've been going through something similar, thank you for sharing it.

SeekerRuth

[willieH]

willieH: Hi SeekerRuth... :welcome:

Brian,

I've been really struggling with trying to understand God.  I'm confused between a God that is filled with love for his people (what I feel in my heart), and the God that most modern day religions paint (An angry God who will do as he please if we do not obey).

For what it's worth, reading over your experience really helped me because I've been going through something similar, thank you for sharing it.

SeekerRuth

Ruth, take this for what its worth... when I look or search for GOD, I begin with the thought that HE loves me MORE than ANYONE and EVERYONE put together...

I am not fearful of my WIFE who has loved me for 33yrs or my Daughter of 31 years, or of my best friends, etc... and GOD loves me MORE than ALL THEM put together...

So why should I be "afraid" of Him?  Well, ...I'm NOT!  Hey, I look up into the heavens or in my wifes eyes or watch a great musician, and find AWE for Him in ALL THOSE...  But FEAR as in "terror" of Him?

Nah... to HELL with HELL... it is a man's invention... distorting the LOVE of GOD who LOVED us soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much that He gave His only begotten Son to redeem us all from this mess!

Hope this helpsya... don't be afraid of Father... He created all this, and there is INTENTION in all that is occuring in ALL of us... and it ends up GOOD!  For ...ALL...  :boogie:

I write this as I am in Radiation therapy for Cancer... :heat:

Peace be untaya...  :cloud9:

...willieH  :Sparkletooth:

[Nathan]

Willie, you live what I preach!   Now, if only I could do the same. :thumbsup:

[CHB]

willie, how are you doing bro? What do the Doctors say concerning your prognosis? I pray you are doing much better and are on the road to recovery.  :Pray:

CHB

[Sarah]

Willie,

Your words are beautiful!! Your confidence and reliance on the Father's love are contagious!

Love, Sarah

[willieH]

willieH: Hi everyone... :hithere:

Thanks for you nice comments...  :cloud9:

I am doing pretty good!  I've had 12 of 33 treatments... a little tired here & there, but mostly normal...

I love you all and will be much more active when I get back home (early April)...

My wife and I, praise Father for all of you... and your support!

...willieH  :happygrin:

[Paul Hazelwood]

Nah... to HELL with HELL... it is a man's invention... distorting the LOVE of GOD who LOVED us soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much that He gave His only begotten Son to redeem us all from this mess!

Hi Willie,   I agree with that whole heartedly.

[willieH]

willieH: Hi Paul!  :hithere:

Nah... to HELL with HELL... it is a man's invention... distorting the LOVE of GOD who LOVED us soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much that He gave His only begotten Son to redeem us all from this mess!

Hi Willie,   I agree with that whole heartedly.

Hope you are doing well bro...  :cloud9:

...willieH  :happygrin:

[jabcat]

Boy Brian, do I understand.  We the body are uh, quite interesting to say the least...enjoy your time with the Lord, bro. 

[CHB]

willieH: Hi everyone... :hithere:

Thanks for you nice comments...  :cloud9:

I am doing pretty good!  I've had 12 of 33 treatments... a little tired here & there, but mostly normal...

I love you all and will be much more active when I get back home (early April)...

My wife and I, praise Father for all of you... and your support!

...willieH  :happygrin:

willie,

Glad to hear you are doing ok. Thank the Lord and God's many blessings to you and your wife. Miss reading your posts. :icon_king:

CHB

[jabcat]

I missed that...GREAT!

[Redlettervoice]

Hello Brian,

I came by here to check on YOU!!!

:thumbsup:

[MacPherson]

Hello Brian,

I came by here to check on YOU!!!

:thumbsup:

Wow, Thanks! The Love of Jesus shines through the gloom, until it finally evaporates. So one can laugh any lie and even death in the face. Still in the valley of shadow, but it's getting steadily brighter. And this little light of mine is starting to shine.

[Paul Hazelwood]

Hello Brian,

I came by here to check on YOU!!!

:thumbsup:

Wow, Thanks! The Love of Jesus shines through the gloom, until it finally evaporates. So one can laugh any lie and even death in the face. Still in the valley of shadow, but it's getting steadily brighter. And this little light of mine is starting to shine.

Hi Brian, you serve a greater purpose than you may ever know right now bro.

[Cardinal]

 :cloud9: Hang in there Brian.....joy comes in the morning...... :thumbsup:

[jabcat]

Reminded me of this old song from my childhood;

Joy Comes In The Morning

If you've knelt beside the rubble of an aching, broken heart,
When the things you gave your life to fell apart;
You're not the first to be acquainted with sorrow, grief or pain,
But the Master promised sunshine after the rain.

Hold on my child, joy comes in the morning,
Weeping only lasts for the night;
Hold on my child, joy comes in the morning,
The darkest hour means dawn is just in sight.

To invest your seed of trust in God in mountains you can't move,
You have risked your life on things you cannot prove;
But to give the things you cannot keep for what you cannot lose,
Is the way to find the joy God has for you.

Hold on my child, joy comes in the morning,
Weeping only lasts for the night;
Hold on my child, joy comes in the morning,
The darkest hour means dawn is just in sight.

The darkest hour means dawn is just in sight.
Just in sight!

[MacPherson]

All this time while I've been running around in circles, banging my head against the wall, and having meltdowns over what different men are telling me. All good men. All worthy teachers. All garners of my respect... Jesus has been patiently standing beside me, waiting for me to put my eyes back on Him and Him alone.

Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will never pass away.
Matthew 24:35

[Redlettervoice]

Brian, nothing could be truer than what you've spoken here.
It will "always" be so.  "Always" ....that's why the HOLY SPIRIT
comes "IN YOU" to speak to you Himself.  God is Jealous. ha
And you quoted one of my old favorite SONGS!  Joy comes in
the Morning.  Bless you, Brian.  Bless you.

All this time while I've been running around in circles, banging my head against the wall, and having meltdowns over what different men are telling me. All good men. All worthy teachers. All garners of my respect... Jesus has been patiently standing beside me, waiting for me to put my eyes back on Him and Him alone.

Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will never pass away.
Matthew 24:35