The believers struggle with Mental Illness

[Paul Hazelwood]

Hello everyone

Thought I would start a thread with a few details of my struggles with depression / anxiety.   
It took quite a while for me to formulate some thoughts, I decided that rather than trying to elaborate on so much I would put it all in a basic outline form to get the ball rolling here.  I am not pretending to be an expert, it is from years of fighting my depression that I have a grasp of at least a part of this sickness.


1. Depression /anxiety manifests in many forms and intensities.  It is every bit as much of a real physical ailment as anything else that is outside the brain.

2. Depression / anxiety patterns can be induced through environment, diet, and genetics the same as any other physical ailment.

3. "Get over it" is a way of saying you really do not care.

4. This is a tough one to work out and explain.  I will clarify this in the future, I just wanted to get the basics out there to get this started. Personally I have treated people in my life badly due to my depression and anxiety.  The root of the behavior is not actually caused by the people I treated badly.  They simply have traits that trigger
things in the brain that developed long before I knew them. These behavioral triggers cause an uncontrollable reaction no different than flinching when a lightening bolt hits.

5. There is no shame in taking anti-depressants , unfortunatly, some people can try to make it a shameful or even an evil thing. Part of my struggle was listening to some "prayer warriors" tell me that the medication would keep me from getting healing from God.  When your desperate, you may listen to almost anything.

6. Healing can be a long process.  If we are to believe scripture then this journey some of us are on in this area is for a reason.  I have to acknowledge one thing.  If it were not for my depression, I do not think I would have come to know the wonderful Love of Christ my Savior.   If not for trying to find what was wrong with me, what I needed to do, I would have not read the bible as much as I did, putting away what others say it means and looking for what God wanted me to find.

If it were not for crying out to God to tell me why I would feel lonely in the midst of people, why I felt like giving up when there was no reason, and many other emotions that just didn't fit the circumstances,  I would of never dug deep into scripture to discover truths far beyond what we percieve certain words to mean.   I would of never realized that all of the words that man uses to instill fear are actually expressions of LOVE from the Father.


So with that said, I am thankful for a season that appears to be diminishing as the medication I am on is helping, the counseling I am getting is helping and as this trial is hopefully fading away, I am forever saturated with what I came to discover about the wonderful God of Love that will not ever, ever, allow one lost Sheep to stay wandering away from him.

[Nancy]

Hi there Paul,

We must be in sync or something because i was thinking the exact same thing.  Last week i stopped taking my meds because i felt that i wasn't spiritual enough on them!
What a stupid thing to do!
I am back on them now!

Godbless
Nancy

[Paul Hazelwood]

Hi there Paul,

We must be in sync or something because i was thinking the exact same thing.  Last week i stopped taking my meds because i felt that i wasn't spiritual enough on them!
What a stupid thing to do!
I am back on them now!

Godbless
Nancy

Nancy,   

I pray for you that God leads you one day to not have to take your medication.  God loves you on or off the medication and there is nothing that will cause him to love you less.

Our circumstances can make it appear that way because religion has turned the Loving powerful God of Scripture into a Genie in a bottle and if you Rub the bottle just right and rub it better than someone else, you will get more wishes.

It's ridiculous.

[jabcat]

I agree, it is a connection between physical/mental/biochemical brain functions.  Many are born with the genetic predisposition, then the right (or wrong) set of circumstances/stressors trigger it and set it in motion.  Also, sometimes a trauma can actually change the way the brain functions.  I believe in healing.  I also believe that God gives us remedies besides an immediate, "explosive" miracle.  Many of the medications we have are plant based, and we know Who made the plants  :Sparkletooth:. 

I understand the guilt thing...I've seen someone I know very well, who is an intense believer, struggle with his depression.  He thinks he'll either get healed or die from whatever's wrong with him, that it's not right to take medication when IMO, God may have already supplied a remedy or at least a help, for what ails him.  I know this...when I don't take my antidepressant, my brain chemicals don't work correctly, my thoughts get distorted (even more than usual  :laughing7:), my emotions become intense and extreme, and I end up "not being a very good Christian".  It's real hard to pray, worship, and love others when your head's not attached to the rest of your body :faint:.

I give the analogy to folks that if they had diabetes, they'd manage what they eat (analogous to stress), they'd be willing to get helpful ideas/tips on managing their disease (counseling), and they'd take insulin (Prozac, Paxil, etc.).

Anyway, God's supreme, He knows what I need even before I ask, and He can either use Zoloft to help me, or He can reach right in and take away any need for it if He so chooses and it fits His will for my life. 

God's blessing, James.

[Craig]

5. There is no shame in taking anti-depressants , unfortunatly, some people can try to make it a shameful or even an evil thing. Part of my struggle was listening to some "prayer warriors" tell me that the medication would keep me from getting healing from God.  When your desperate, you may listen to almost anything.

Hi there Paul,

We must be in sync or something because i was thinking the exact same thing.  Last week i stopped taking my meds because i felt that i wasn't spiritual enough on them!
What a stupid thing to do!
I am back on them now!

Though I hope never to be in depression like I was 9 years ago which put me on meds, the number one lie, is that we don't need them. Every time someone went off the meds because someone said it isn't a Christian thing, or spiritual thing, or whatever, it just got worse.

Today, I will never go on meds again, but if I fall into depression, I know other ways to deal with it, such as B vitamins and working out. We live in a sick society, and medication sometimes is needed because we don't eat like we should, and we don't work like we did.

[jabcat]

 :mthumbsup: That's great if your depression level is such, and your body responds in such a (+) way to more natural remedies.  Some of us aren't quite that fortunate, and as you say, it is often then a mistake to go off the meds, especially if it's more of a chronic, severe depression such a Major Depressive Disorder, Severe, Recurrent, or Dysthymic Depressive Disorder than can be pretty much life-long.  You're right though, Craig, some folks are able to do some more natural things like supplementation, exercise, even Cognitive Behavioral Therapy that corrects the thought distortions that feed the mood disorder, and they respond beautifully.  If there are folks reading that can do that, or if God heals you miraculously, fantastic!  Otherwise, God may provide the helping hand through the wacky shrink with the prescription pad  :wacko2: (known and worked with a few).  God's blessing, James. 

[firstborn888]

I agree with all that has been said here. I will add that the power of God can cure anything, but I will probably not be turning down any pain pills till that happens!

Once someone (a preacher in a service) told me if I would pull out my trach tube and throw it in the trash God would heal me :mshock:.

Now understand - I had suffered THOUSANDS of sleepless nights, suffocation, suicidal sleep deprivation induced insanity over a 12 year period and during one particularly difficult period didn't stay at home with my wife and kids for almost 2 years (!) FINALLY, I got gotten some relief with the trach tube and vent. Then one month into the relief this guy tells me this???

Sensing NOTHING in the young man's statement except evange-lastic zeal - I laughed out loud. I said "Dude, the ONLY way I would ever pull this out is if God gave me crystal clear personal instruction - and even then I'd probably cry and scream about it for a few days first. So this sensational stunt isn't going to happen today".

OMG. :grin:

blessings,
- Byron

[Craig]

lol

[Paul Hazelwood]

Everyone is different and I do not want this thread to cause anyone to not try vitamins, diet and excersize to avoid anti-depressants.  But do not let the manner of one persons success be the pattern that you think you must try to stick to.

I hope one day not to have to take them if for nothing else so I can spend that money on something else, LOL.

I take vitamins and I am in a profession that is somewhat physical, I work on cars so there is wrenching, lifting, walking all day, I also play basketball 1 or 2 times a week for several hours at a time.  I am probably more physically fit than some people who work out a few times a week because this is a 6 day a week thing and I have been doing it for 25 years now.

I have spent the last 5 years trying to avoid taking them.   The constant cycle of  "bad behavior",  "Remorse", "Apologies", "Being Forgiven"  Rinse,  Repeat,  took its toll in ruining friendships, and almost destroying my marriage.    People do not realize that the cycle I just talked about is no different than taking drugs, it is a form of self medication.   There is a "high" during the remorse, apology part of the cycle, and it becomes addictive.

I guess I finally was willing to try anything and finally the last step was giving the anti-depressants a shot. 

I have only been on one that doesn't affect me badly with side effects for about a month and a half,  I do notice a difference to the positive.  I am hoping it can help retrain my thought processes so that eventually I can stop taking them.

However, I am willing to take them  the rest of my life or whatever God wants me to do. 

Counseling is important also, through that I was able to learn how many patterns of behavior develop, you can learn where the triggers stem.

I was at one point a staunch skeptic of repressed memories until I was proven completely wrong.  My Dad apologized to me one time for something he said to me.   I did not even remember that he said it, so his apology , at the time, didn't really mean a whole lot.  Probably because I wanted him to apologize for all the things I did remember.

Well, through a counseling session, it came upon me when my Dad said that to me and I then understood why I repressed it and why it affected me so deeply and skewed similar incidents with other people and was the trigger.

These kinds of things will help the healing process along and maybe as I work through these various things it can help diminish the need for medicine.

[Paul Hazelwood]

I agree with all that has been said here. I will add that the power of God can cure anything, but I will probably not be turning down any pain pills till that happens!

Yes he can, and think about this,  can you imagine what was going through someones mind as Jesus made mud from his spit to paste onto the blind mans eyes.

I mean, if it is more spiritual to not use some object for healing,  I guess Jesus was not very spiritual that day.


John 9:6 Saying these things, He spits on the ground and makes mud out of the spittle, and anoints the blind man on his eyes with the mud,

[Craig]

I have spent the last 5 years trying to avoid taking them.   The constant cycle of  "bad behavior",  "Remorse", "Apologies", "Being Forgiven"  Rinse,  Repeat,  took its toll in ruining friendships, and almost destroying my marriage.    People do not realize that the cycle I just talked about is no different than taking drugs, it is a form of self medication.   There is a "high" during the remorse, apology part of the cycle, and it becomes addictive.

I go through cycles of depression and I was behaving in a manner I could not recognize and therefore I could not change it. The truth is, my parents and friends have told me I should be on medication even as far back as a few months ago, because I would just react strangely to situations which shouldn't have problems. I changed my diet, changed my vitamins, nothing worked.

That was until I did pray and ask the Lord to reveal the root of the problem. Lo and behold, the Lord woke me up and began to minister to me through a vision. Enough outside feedback from friends and family made it easy to see how it was affecting them, but internally I did not know what was driving me. All of a sudden, I knew my triggers and I knew why. Since then, I have had no stress, depression or a care about it. I know exactly what triggers my depression and it was behavioral. Even though I tried on medication, I was on vitamins, I was on workout routine.

So yes, everyone is different, and I do believe the Lord heals! We just have to also remember, the blind man born blind, for most of his life remained blind until the moment Jesus healed him. The reason? He was born blind for that moment that Jesus healed him, so that God would get the glory. So our healing is in His time as well.

It is also good to have friends who understand.

[Paul Hazelwood]

So yes, everyone is different, and I do believe the Lord heals! We just have to also remember, the blind man born blind, for most of his life remained blind until the moment Jesus healed him. The reason? He was born blind for that moment that Jesus healed him, so that God would get the glory. So our healing is in His time as well.

Yes indeed, I spent many hours agonizing the religious thinking that "I had not positioned myself properly" to get healing.  I followed the rules, prayed all the prayers, attended all the services, served in the church, tithes, gave offerings, about bankrupted my family waiting for those flood gates to open 30 - 60 - 100 fold return,  AMEN HALLELUIA JEEEEZUUUUS.

At one point I couldn't take it anymore and had a very big emotional outburst at some people in the church.  I am not proud of that, in fact, I thought I had done gone crazy and it was the catalyst for seeking out professional help.
All the tools, all the lessons, were only teaching me how to do it with my own strength under the guise of serving God.


Fortunatly I am learning the real truth that you mention above.  Maybe the hard way, but I am glad to be free of the chains of religious solutions that were slowly choking the life out of me.

It is also good to have friends who understand.

Amen

[whyiloveitaly.com]

Hi all:

I'm not gonna put in quotes because I wouldn't know where to stop or where to end.

This past week my wife's cousin died of cancer. (He was almost 60.)
I prayed a lot for him in the last week or so.. more than I believe I've ever prayed for anyone. I even told God, "You can't go back on Your Word! If we ask for bread, You can't give us a stone!" I prayed in tongues. I sweated. I bound spirits of unbelief and asked the Lord for healing and to be faithful to the "ask and ye shall receive."

Well, he died anyway.

And it made me re-evaluate some scriptures, and reinforced others.

The Lord Jesus truly is our only hope. He is our life, and He has power over all of us. It is just beautiful to read your initial post, Paul-- how that suffering has led you closer to Him; and that what man intends for evil God uses for GOOD and for LOVE.

Since the Lord brought me here to Italy, things have been different for me. In America, the idea is that "everything is possible." Here in Italy, the idea is that "nothing is possible." Well, almost.  :Sparkletooth:

I too began to have panic attacks, which started almost a year ago. They too, led me to trusting Him further. And when I feel sad for no reason, thinking about Jesus clears things up every time, even though it's not all so easy.

But suffering is what being a Christian is all about. At least that's my view today. It's not the prosperity gospel I heard so much of when still in the States. I believe we are called to suffer, in order to learn. Some people say that we are supposed to suffer in order to be like God, because He also has suffered, perhaps even before He created all that He has created.

Here's a link to a really talented guy who wrote a song about panic attacks. I still get a kick out of it, how true it is. Enjoy!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lKYDcAsahXY

Love to all,
Brian