Tips for Winning Internet Debates

[Kratos]

                       Tactics of Social Discourse


I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an
argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and
steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect,
they don't even invite me.
You too can win arguments. Simply follow these rules:

Drink Liquor
Suppose you're at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding
on the economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about. If you're
drinking some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang
back, afraid to display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls
your date. But if you drink several large shots of Jack Daniels, you'll
discover you have strong views about the Peruvian economy. You'll be a wealth of information. You'll argue forcefully, offering searing insights and
possibly upsetting furniture. People will be impressed. Some may leave
the room.

Make things up
Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove
Peruvians are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that you are underpaid, and you're damned if you're going to let a bunch of Peruvians be better off. Don't say: "I think Peruvians are underpaid." Say: "The average Peruvian's salary in 1981 dollars adjusted for the revised tax base is $1,452.81
per annum, which is $836.07 below the mean gross poverty level."

Note: Always make up exact figures.

If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make that
up, too. Say: "This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's study
for the Buford Commission published May 9, 1982. Didn't you read it?"
Say this in the same tone of voice you would use to say "You left your
soiled underwear in my bath house."

Use meaningless but weighty-sounding words and phrases
Memorize this list:



Let me put it this way

In terms of

Vis-a-vis

Per se

As it were

Qua

So to speak

well, any-who


You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as "Q.E.D.,"
"e.g.," and "i.e." These are all short for "I speak Latin, and you do
not."

Here's how to use these words and phrases. Suppose you want to say:
"Peruvians would like to order appetizers more often, but they don't have enough money."

You never win arguments talking like that. But you will
win if you say: "Let me put it this way. In terms of appetizers
vis-a-vis Peruvians qua Peruvians, they would like to order them more
often, so to speak, but they do not have enough money per se, as it
were. Q.E.D."

Only a fool would challenge that statement.

Use snappy and irrelevant comebacks
You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevent phrases to fire back at your opponents when they make valid points. The best are:



You're begging the question.

You're being defensive.

Don't compare apples and oranges.

What are your parameters?


This last one is especially valuable. Nobody, other than mathematicians, has the vaguest idea what "parameters" means.
Here's how to use your comebacks:

You say "As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873..."
Your opponents says "But Lincoln died in 1865."
You say "You're begging the question."

or

You say "Liberians, like most Asians..."
Your opponents says "But Liberia is in Africa."
You say "You're being defensive."

Compare your opponent to Adolf Hitler
This is your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is obviously right
and you are spectacularly wrong. Bring Hitler up subtly. Say: "That
sounds suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say" or "You
certainly do remind me of Adolf Hitler."

You now know how to out-argue anybody.

Warning: Do not try to pull any of this on people who generally carry weapons.

I hope this helps to elevate our discourse here at Tentmaker.

John

[jenna]

I will use this, although I think you are starting to sound like a nazi. per se. :winkgrin:

[SeekerSA]

Hoo Boy

We shall have to keep an eye on John  :happygrin:

Good stuff

Blessings

[hopeful]

 :mrflo:  That was great! 

Use meaningless, but weighty- sounding words...  :Sparkletooth:

[Redlettervoice]

John, Kratos, that is so funny!  It's sure the opposite of "truth" isn't it? But you
know, GOD made all things!  That really puzzels me sometimes. ha

[GraceFull]

Tee hee!!! Well, any-who, let me put it this way, as it were, in terms of superciliousness, you've, per se, attained the ultimate.

[SeekerSA]

See if you can figure this out

The slight inclination of the cranium is as adequate as the spasmodic movement of the optic to an equine quadraped devoid of its visual capacities.

Scintillating scintillating, microscopic asteroid, querying the origins of your inception; distantly elevated above aqueous spherical orb, symbolic, carbonious, composition, compressed via the medium of extraneous heat and pressure heavenly elevated

[Cardinal]

 :cloud9: LOL.....all I got out of that was a blind horse and a star....

[Reverend G]

Sorry,
  I gave up on that technique back in October of 2005, though Jagermeister was the primary "fuel".  Prior to that of course, I think I had an doctorate in teaching that course of debate!!!

[Pierac]

John,

Can I have my paper back?  :laughing7:

Paul

[GG]

Please sir, Please sir....

A nod is as good as a wink to a blind horse.

Twinkle twinkle little star, up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky....


did I do alright sir?

GG

[hopeful]

I feel so privileged to count so many intellectuals among my friends!   :laughing7:

[jenna]

Please sir, Please sir....

A nod is as good as a wink to a blind horse.

Twinkle twinkle little star, up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky....


did I do alright sir?

GG

Very good! I had to go back and re-read that twice before I got it. :thumbsup:

[martincisneros]

That's scary, John.  That's exactly what the strategy was of the last ETer that tried to debate me, i.e., improvise, improvise, improvise!!

Improvised facts
Improvised logic
Improvised intelligence
Improvised knowing God
Improvised speaking ability
Improvised having the love of God in their hearts
Improvised New Testament Greek
Improvised Scripture references
Improvised Scripture cross-referencing
Improvised wit
Improvised humor
Improvised anointing
Improvised calling
Improvised sanctification
Improvised hope
Improvised joy
Improvised seminary degrees

etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc.