missing faith and spiritual stability

[anti_nietzsche]

Hello,

sorry for coming here again but I really need advice and prayers and any spiritual help you could think of.

My coming to belief in God was coupled with getting schizophrenia. It's been difficult because when you want to help yourself when you have schizophrenia then you want to go back to earlier times when you were still healthy. And in my earlier times I was an atheist so I am "feeling my way" back there and then have issues with my capacity for believing because in my youth I had no training in faith, just lived for the moment.

And I am very frightened of the bible, particularly the Old Testament but also some of the New for the way the people talk there, which feels rather judgmental to me. Even Paul who otherwise wrote many good things, at places digs into a spirituality of retribution (Thessalonians comes to mind), and not universal grace and forgiveness. It's like the early christian gave in, first they followed Jesus' law of love then they gave up and like the rest of the world wanted their God to kill their enemies.

I don't know what to make of it. I want to lead a life of goodness and justice, but the bible confuses me about it. Did you ever read through the Law of Moses in detail? I know you believe in the eventual salvation of everyone, but in the Law of Moses God consigns so many people to the grave. I don't know how many millions of people must have died or at least outcast by the religious people on grounds of Moses' law. Because of that reason, and because I want to serve a good God, I think that the law of Moses was only a jewish invention that was not better than other religion-based laws of the time. It has some good in it, like the Sabbath laws or the law of Jubilee, but mostly it's just another man-made thing. In anyway, I think Jesus has abolished it and I dwell on that a lot and it gives me comfort and it is part of my lutheran faith (I was baptized lutheran in 2008).

But I miss being really stable in God. I think He should be like my friend and father to me, and I to him as friend and son, but when I read the bible it's such a scaffold of different things that all seem contrary to a goodhearted faith. Also the Gospels have that, imho, when Jesus asks us to desert and quit loving our families and things like that, things I just do not want to do.

What would you do in such a predicament? Continue to trust the bible? How? There is so much blood on its pages...

Greetings,

Daniel

[gregoryfl]

I am a man familiar with affliction—under the rod of God's anger. He has led me—brought me into darkness, not into light. He truly turned his hand against me, again and again, all day long. He made my flesh and skin prematurely old; he broke my bones. He laid siege against me, surrounding me with bitterness and suffering. He has forced me to live in darkness, like those who are long dead. He has walled me in so I cannot escape; he placed heavy chains on me. Indeed, when I cry out, calling for help, he shuts out my prayer. He impeded my way with blocks of stone, making my paths uneven. He is like a bear that lies in wait for me, a lion in hiding. He forced me off my path, tearing me to pieces and making me desolate. He bent his bow, aiming at me with his arrow. He caused his war arrows to pierce my vital organs. I have become a laughingstock to all my people, the object of their taunts throughout the day. He has filled me with bitterness, making me drink wormwood. He broke my teeth on gravel, covering me with dust. You have removed peace from my life; I have forgotten what prosperity is. So I say, "My strength is gone as is my hope in the LORD." Remember my affliction and homelessness—wormwood and gall! My mind keeps reflecting on it, and I become depressed.

This is what comes to mind, and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD's gracious love we are not consumed, since his compassions never end. They are new every morning—great is your faithfulness! "The LORD is all I have," says my soul, "Therefore I will trust in him." The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the person who searches for him. It is good to hope and wait patiently for the LORD's salvation. It is good when a young man carries the yoke of discipline in his youth. He is to sit apart and remain silent, because the LORD has laid it upon him. Let him fall face down in the dust, so there may yet be hope. He will endure being slapped in the face, bringing him public disgrace. Indeed, the Lord will not always reject us—though he causes grief, his compassion abounds according to his gracious love. For he does not deliberately hurt or grieve human beings. When any of the prisoners of the earth are crushed underfoot, when a person's rights are perverted in defiance of the Most High. When a man is thwarted in his appeal does the Lord condone it? Who can command, and it happens, without the Lord having ordered it?

Do not both good and evil things proceed from the mouth of the Most High?
(Lam 3:1-38)

Does the experience of Jeremiah sound familiar to you? Here is the same person who might seem to be schizoprenic here. Some can only see God in the latter portion of this chapter. Some can only see him in the former. The last statement is one that is likely to stumble a lot of people, since they cannot possibly see how evil can proceed from the mouth of a good God. And although this will no doubt cause controversy, it is absolutely essential to understand what we read from the way of life, the culture, and the mindset of the ones doing the writing and speaking. One prime example of this is how you concluded that we must desert and quit loving our families...which is not what Yeshua said.

Ronen

[gregoryfl]

I am one who is also very well acquainted in my own personal way with what you are struggling with. It is only in scripture such as what I shared in Jeremiah that has helped me make sense of so many contradictory things I see in this world today, as well as in history past. Thankfully, whether you trust the scripture or not, or trust God or not, will never change his view of you, for Yeshua is God's mind made up and forever settled about you.

Wishing you much shalom (wholeness) my dear brother,

Ronen

[anti_nietzsche]

Hi Ronen,

yes I know what you speak about and also the words of Jeremiah speak to me. But I have issues with my mind, specifically schizophrenic issues of hearing/seeing someone who is not there, which gives me trouble. I thought perhaps I have a demon but if this is the case I can't get it to leave. I tried anything from rebuking, to praying, I also tried fasting once but the demon came back. It's hard to understand this for me, and it's hard to live with because because of the voices I can't be as enthusiastic about faith things as I would like.

God bless you,

Daniel

[Dandelion]

Hi Daniel,

Although I have not had your challenges, I have had other ones, regarding theology and circumstances. I suppose that is more common, than not, for many of us.

What I suggest is that you become connected with a church or community, with sound teachers/pastors/ministers, who can help guide you through some of the seeming conflicting stories, verses, etc. in the Bible.  I am a firm believer that the Bible is our story of Salvation, and, as such, needs to be viewed, ultimately, as a whole, though we do analyze specific verses and whatnot, at times. 

Perhaps our moderators could give you some suggestions, or you could visit various churches, etc. and see where the Spirit is leading you. Of course, most of them will preach Hell, on some level, but, I personally still believe we can gain much from some of these sources, nevertheless.

I am willing to help you, in my limited way, as well. You can always message me if you have any questions or want to discuss various churches, denominations, and so on. I am somewhat knowledgeable, but I am sure there are others more qualified than myself.

I will keep you in my prayers. One thing I know very well.....how long, winding and sometimes difficult our journey to wholeness and spiritual stability, can be. But, don't look to arrive, because that, I believe, will only happen when we meet Him, face to face.  Try to enjoy the journey, no matter how treacherous at times......it is always about learning who God is and how to trust Him. The Holy Spirit is and will be with you. And, very importantly, do not be afraid. Fear can, in our minds, confuse the messages of the Spirit, I believe.

Be blessed, Daniel, and know that God will never leave your side.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.  Romans 12:2

D.

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