My earliest understanding of God

[anna274]

Dec 14:  37th anniversary of my mother's death (after a 2 year struggle with cancer --she was only 73 years old)

Always this date brings to my mind and heart my earliest memory of God, parents, siblings, relatives, sickness, death, funeral, burial-- and especially the glow on Mom's face when she told me "Oh, don't cry, Tommy's with God, he's so happy and he will never be sick again."  WITH GOD, HAPPY, NEVER SICK--words written in my innermost being.

The date:  October 22, 1938 - I was 4 1/2 years old.  Dad and Mom, American born Germans leased land from the Bureau of Indian Affairs, Fort Yates, ND.  We lived on the Standing Rock Indian Reservation, Sioux County, ND until I was 5 l/2 years old.

We were a family of 6 children:  4 girls, 2 boys.  Tommy, the youngest, was born on August 22, 1938, much to the delight of the whole family...especially mine - I was so excited to have another brother.

But Tommy was a sickly infant.  Early in the morning of October 22, 1938, at the plea of Mom, Dad took our horse and wagon (I did say 1938!) to fetch Aunt Margaret, a midwife, highly experienced in caring for infants.  I stood tiptoe by the window, anxiously watching/waiting for Dad and Aunt Margaret.  When I saw them coming around our old barn, I jumped with great joy, ran to Mom, yelling "They're here!  They're here!."  With face all aglow, Mom said "It's too late.  Tommy is gone."  I started really bawling... quickly she said "Oh, don't cry.  Tommy's with God, he's so happy, he will never be sick again."  It mattered not that I saw Mom and Aunt Margaret wrapped Tommy in a small soft blanket, placed him into the small wooden box that Dad and Uncle Anton fixed, and later I saw the box lowered into a deep dark hole.  Tommy is WITH GOD, HAPPY, NEVER SICK.

At 4 1/2 years old, I knew absolutely nothing about spirit, soul, body...(75 years later, I still don't fully understand spirit, soul, body) but I knew/believed God... to be WITH GOD, HAPPY, NEVER SICK.   At 4 1/2, I had no responsibilities and therefore was free to focus only on God, happy and never sick. Long story short:
The words WITH GOD, HAPPY, NEVER SICK written in my heart slowly were/are being written indelibly in blood...  the blood of the cross--the reason why Tommy and all of mankind can be WITH GOD, HAPPY, NEVER SICK.  (Col 1:20 And having made peace through the blood of His cross, by Him to reconcile all unto Himself; by Him, whether they be in earth or in heaven.)

to be continued  to include two more deaths in that same time frame 1938-1939 which in a very real sense was my introduction to Jesus Christ Savior of ALL men.

[JulieTang84]

Dear Anna,

Words cannot express my feelings right now as I to lost a little brother named David. I was only 2 at the time, yet my mom spoke the same words as yours.

Like a slap to the face, I now understand why I rejected the teachings of the church and school which I attended at an early age

Their words did not say: Happy, Free, No Pain, or With Father singing with the angels, like my mom's

I can only imagine all that you went through growing up.   :friendstu:

All my love,

Julie  :HeartThrob:

[anna274]

Julie

Re:  rejected the teachings of the church and school which I attended at an early age

I never rejected any of the teachings... in fact, it was the church and school that I attended at an early age that  taught me about God's great love for us through bible stories from the OT and NT.  Hell was never an issue.  Actually, I honestly cannot recall my earliest memory of hell.  My challenge lay more in the fact that my parents as well as our pastor had such a reverent fear (awe) of God that I wondered if I could ever be good enough for this great God.

My greatest concern has been and still is... whose name are they lifting up...whose name are they honoring, glorifying, praising.... (the word "name" as used in the Scriptures includes all that the person is)

Let us pray for all to grow in grace and in the knowledge of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, Savior of all men.  To Him and to Him alone be all glory both now and for ever.

[JulieTang84]

Anna:


Re:  I never rejected any of the teachings... in fact, it was the church and school that I attended at an early age that  taught me about God's great love for us through bible stories from the OT and NT.  Hell was never an issue. 


Sadly, Hell was always am issue with me. Sure I was taught that Father loves, but only those who love Him. All the others, including my little brother whom I cannot remember though my mom said I adored him, would burn in Hell forever because he wasn't baptized and didn't know Jesus. This was pretty tough considering the Love I knew from my parents did not match in any shape or form the "love" I was told Father had. I was crushed, if that was love: I didn't want any part of it.


I agree with you regarding whose name (very being) is being lifted up. I believe praise and worship is not simply lip service, but something that is done 24 x 7. Jesus the man was the perfect conduit for Fathers Love. When each of us let go of all need to understand and replace it with KNOWLEDGE (which cannot be explained) from the Holy Spirit, then we too will cease to be as we are now and only do and say what Father gives us.


I differ just a little in as much as all Praise and Glory should go to Father just as Jesus taught. NOT this this is a big deal, because Jesus said He and Father are One and one day we will KNOW we are all too.


Love Julie  :HeartThrob:

[anna274]

Re:  Sadly, Hell was always an issue with me.

I cannot even begin to imagine how horrific that was...especially for a 4 year old. And I am aware that there are many others that have suffered greatly because of the teaching regarding hell.  Thinking about this horrible pain and the need to forgive even those false teachers, I'm reminded of an issue that has inflicted great pain on me-- an issue that I have not yet been able to forgive. I've been looking for the post in which Livingstone shared a truly beautiful exhortation on the need to forgive.  I'll find it, print it, and post it again... I believe the topic is FORGIVING AS WE HAVE BEEN FORGIVEN.

Julie, thanks for this reply.  It has encouraged me to take another look at just how loving and forgiving I am.  love and prayers, anna

[Ross]

The need to forgive those false teachers-

I used to agree with my brothers who have studied much theology.
Awareness of the truth showed me they are far from the truth of what was achieved by Christ.

The truth in Rom 9;11 explains, for me, that God is working all things according to His plan.

talking about Jacob and Esau;

" In fact, they not having been born yet nor having practiced anything good or bad,
in order that the purpose of God, by way of election, might stand NOT by works,
BUT BY HIM that was calling."

This said after talking in Rom 8;28 " Further we know that God causes ALL things to work together for good unto them who love God, to them who are such as HE HAS CALLED according to His purpose."

There are many disputes about His election.


Rom 9;17,18 " For the scriptures say that God told Pharoah,
   ' I have appointed you for the very purpose of displaying my power in you and that My name might be proclaimed in all the earth. Therefore God has mercy on whom He wants, and He hardens who He wants to harden."


So I think my brothers are still in Egypt under the bondage of the law, thinking they have to do something to claim/earn their position.
I used to hold them responsible for much rubbish and bondage they put on me. Always feeling I had to do something, even though not sure what. Always felt something was missing.
I also used to look at people like Hitler, Khan, Attila... and hate them.

Paul, himself, said that he was the chief sinner who had acted in un-belief.
1 Tim 1;15 " Christ came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the chief. But God HAD MERCY on me as a prime example of His great patience with the worst sinners.

Rom 11;33-36 " Oh how great are God's riches and wisdom and knowledge. How impossible it is for us to understand His decisions and His ways!
For who can know the Lord's thoughts?
Who knows enough to give Him advice?
And who has given Him so much that He needs to pay it back?
For everything comes from Him and exists by His power and is intended for His glory. All glory to Him for all the ages. Amen!"

The truth sets us free from sin and the law.
Rom 8;15 " You have NOT received a spirit of servitude leading back to fear,
but you have received a spirit of son-ship, whereby we are exclaiming Abba! Oh Father!"

* Just attempting to show that those you are struggling with have acted in un-belief according to the traditions of man. That do not yet know the truth until their appointed time.

[JulieTang84]

Ross:  * Just attempting to show that those you are struggling with have acted in un-belief according to the traditions of man. That do not yet know the truth until their appointed time.

Amen!  This is why we must show love, patience and compassion, in fact all the fruits of the spirit.

Such as these are not wilfully blind, HOWEVER, it is we who are wilfully mocking Father, Christ and the Spirit if we choose to condemn and NOT LOVE.

Hate closes doors, love opens them. Light shines through an open door, may we always shine.

Love Julie :HeartThrob: