Are You A Male Or A Female Scientific Quiz?

[FineLinen]

Neither man nor rat can properly fold the laundry -DAVE BARRY-

Are you a male, or a female? To find out, take this scientific quiz:

1. Your department is on a tight deadline for developing a big sales proposal, but you've hit a snag on a key point. You want to go one way; a co-worker named Bob strongly disagrees. To break the deadlock, you:

a) Present your position, listen to the other side, then fashion a workable compromise.

b) Punch Bob.

2. Your favorite team is about to win the championship, but at the last second the victory is stolen away by a terrible referee's call. You:

a) Remind yourself that it's just a game, and that there are far more important things in your life.

b) Punch Bob again.

HOW TO SCORE:

If you answered ''b'' to both questions, then you are a male.

I base this statement on a recent article in The New York Times about the way animals, including humans, respond to stress. According to the article, a group of psychology researchers have made the breakthrough discovery that -- prepare to be astounded -- males and females are different. The researchers discovered this by studying both humans and rats, which are very similar to humans except that they are not stupid enough to purchase lottery tickets.

The studies show that when males are under stress, they respond by either fighting or running away (the so-called ''fight or flight'' syndrome), whereas females respond by nurturing others and making friends (the so-called ''tend and befriend'' syndrome).

This finding is big news in the psychology community, which apparently is located on a distant planet. Here on Earth, we have been aware for some time that males and females respond differently to stress.

We know that if two males bump into each other, they will respond like this:

FIRST MALE: Hey, watch it!

SECOND MALE: No, YOU watch it!

FIRST MALE: Oh yeah? (They deliberately bump into each other again.)

Two females, in the identical situation, will respond like this:

FIRST FEMALE: I'm sorry!

SECOND FEMALE: No, it's my fault!

FIRST FEMALE: Say, those are cute shoes! (They go shopping.)

If the psychology community needs further proof of the difference between genders, I invite it to attend the party held in my neighborhood each Halloween. This party is attended by several hundred small children, who are experiencing stress because their bloodstreams -- as a result of the so-called ''trick or treat'' syndrome -- contain roughly the same sugar content as Cuba.

Here's how the various genders respond:

--The females, 97 percent of whom are dressed as either a ballerina or a princess, sit in little social groups and exchange candy.

--The males, 97 percent of whom are dressed as either Batman or a Power Ranger, run around making martial-arts noises and bouncing violently off each other like crazed subatomic particles.

Here are some other gender-based syndromes that the psychology community might want to look into:

The ''laundry refolding'' syndrome:

This has been widely noted by both me and a friend of mine named Jeff. What happens is, the male will attempt to fold a piece of laundry, and when he is done, the female, with a look of disapproval, will immediately pick it up and re-fold it so that it is much neater and smaller. ''My wife can make an entire bed sheet virtually disappear,'' reports Jeff.

The ''inflatable-pool-toy'' syndrome:

From the dawn of human civilization, the task of inflating the inflatable pool toy has always fallen to the male. It is often the female who comes home with an inflatable pool toy the size of the Hindenburg, causing the youngsters to become very excited. But it is inevitably the male who spends two hours blowing the toy up, after which he keels over with skin the color of a Smurf, while the kids, who have been helping out by whining impatiently, leap joyfully onto the toy, puncturing it immediately.

I think psychology researchers should find out if these syndromes exist in other species. They could put some rats into a cage with tiny pool toys and miniature pieces of laundry, then watch to see what happens. My guess is that there would be fighting. Among the male researchers, I mean.

It's a shame, this male tendency toward aggression, which has caused so many horrible problems, such as war and ice hockey.

It frankly makes me ashamed of my gender.

I'm going to punch Bob.

[hopeful]

The "inflatable-pool-toy" syndrome:

From the dawn of human civilization, the task of inflating the inflatable pool toy has always fallen to the male. It is often the female who comes home with an inflatable pool toy the size of the Hindenburg, causing the youngsters to become very excited. But it is inevitably the male who spends two hours blowing the toy up, after which he keels over with skin the color of a Smurf, while the kids, who have been helping out by whining impatiently, leap joyfully onto the toy, puncturing it immediately.

:laugh2:

[Cardinal]

 :thumbsup:  :laughing7: :mrflo: Another good one. But what if the females also want to punch Bob occasionally? Does that mean we're transgendered, or does it just mean that Bob ran over the pool toy with his bobcat, narrowly missing the small child, even though his wife told him not to try to move 20 tons of dirt around from his latest backyard project, when the grandchildren were visiting?  :mblush: WHAT?! It was strictly hypothetical...... :winkgrin:

[FineLinen]

:thumbsup:  :laughing7: :mrflo: Another good one. But what if the females also want to punch Bob occasionally? Does that mean we're transgendered, or does it just mean that Bob ran over the pool toy with his bobcat, narrowly missing the small child, even though his wife told him not to try to move 20 tons of dirt around from his latest backyard project, when the grandchildren were visiting?  :mblush: WHAT?! It was strictly hypothetical...... :winkgrin:

There are times, Bob needs to be punched. Oh well, there is a day coming when

A Lion Shall Lie Down With The Pigs

HERE

[Redkora]

Another good one. But what if the females also want to punch Bob occasionally?

:thewife:  :happygrin:

[dboutwell]

Gosh, yall funny people...have a Merry Christmas!  :laugh2:

[Cardinal]

 :cloud9: OMG Finelinen, that pix was great! I love Siberian tigers.....they are my favorite of the jungle animals. There is a guy in a city just north of Indianapolis here that has actually got a big cat sanctuary at his home, in a suburb that has neighbors all around him. He has a permit, and his pens are twice the required guidelines for containment as a zoo.

I heard about it and got to go, and he had 33 lions, tigers, and one black panther. You can get about 6 ft away from them, and I was just transfixed. In the zoo, you can't get that close and so you really have no idea how BIG they really are. Their paws are dinner plate size! I got to see a Siberian tiger and an albino one, up close and personal like that as they were sunning themselves on their "cat house" that day. Now if I could only have petted one......Blessings to you.....

[joian]

FineLinen I took this to lunch and am afraid I made several others want to know what I was reading.........incredibly funny......Sent it to Jack and we both had a good laugh.......he sent it to his son Tyler......and I'm sending it to my daughters........should travel the internet from there....
Thanks for sharing your most keen insights and great sense of humor.....


And a little off subject......We had a gal from New York by the name of Diane....come on our Sonshine blog and eventually e-mail me and Jack.  She said Jack's posts reminded her of a guy she used to know from another forum, who went by the name FineLinen.....it delighted me to tell her we were enjoying your wonderful writings here at Tentmaker and gave her the link.........it is a small world.........what a blessing you are.......and the halloween parties you describe evidently were  ours we just weren't introduced......lol

And Card you are sooooo funny........I too think I am female on the outside..........and my brother's on the inside........never punched Bob, but I think I am capable........LOL

[martincisneros]

males and females are different

Really?  I thought that that was just an Urban legend.  Women waste their time running for President of the United States just like we do!