Farting in church

[WhiteWings]

An old lady learned toward her husband in church and said:
"I just quietly farted. Do you think anyone noticed?"
The husband replied:
"I think when we get home we should change the batteries in your hearing-aid!"

[Taffy]

A man worked hard all day digging the garden and felt very stiff and sore.

His wife fluttered about him, pleased with the amount of work he had done and anxious to get him to do some more.

"Have a nice soak in the bath and I'll bring you a drink," she suggested smiling.

"Good idea," says the husband looking forward to being waited on

He's in the bath when she comes in with a nice glass of Scotch which he accepts happily

"If there's anything else you'd like just call," says the wife as she leaves the bathroom.

When she got halfway along the landing the husband relaxes completely and  breaks wind in the bath.

A few minutes later, despite it being a very warm Summer's evening, the wife comes in with a fluffy bed warmer

"What the heck is that for?" asks the husband snappily

"Oh Darling," says the wife, flustered, "I thought I heard you say, "Whataboutahottawaterbottle,","

[WhiteWings]

Taffy,

Sounds like a perfect name for a welsh town!  :pointlaugh:

/EDIT
What brand of hearing aid that wife was wearing?

[martincisneros]

What's worse is farting in Church when you're wearing a wireless microphone -- OR.....going to the restroom with a wireless microphone and not realizing that the thing is still on and the speakers are still turned way up in the sanctuary.......and you have [very outspoken] diarrhea.....

That's all I'm going to say about that.........

[WhiteWings]

That's all I'm going to say about that

Half information is usably most the enjoyable...


BTW Do you happen to know what the range of a wireles set is Martin? :happy3:

[Craig]

What's worse is farting in Church when you're wearing a wireless microphone -- OR.....going to the restroom with a wireless microphone and not realizing that the thing is still on and the speakers are still turned way up in the sanctuary.......and you have [very outspoken] diarrhea.....

That's all I'm going to say about that.........

I went to inspirational speaker event once. In that event, the guy forgot to turn of his microphone during the break. We could hear him urinate and then when he was done, say very boldly, "I have no clue what I am saying, I am presenting the wrong presentation! Man, I hate this job."

Needless to say, the guy who was paying for the event, didn't pay him.

[WhiteWings]

"Honesty always pays"

Another myth debunked  :laughing7:

[martincisneros]

That's all I'm going to say about that

Half information is usably most the enjoyable...

BTW Do you happen to know what the range of a wireles set is Martin? :happy3:

It depends on the model of the wireless, the layout of the building and various other factors.  That didn't happen to me, but I've wished I'd been in that service after I heard about that having happened.  I'd of been laughing histerically, on purpose, just to rub it in.  I'd be nervous about zapping myself with electricity to wander into a restroom or kitchen with a wireless set.  Plus, as far as I'm concerned, if there's the slightest question mark on the long-term safety of using cell phones, then why keep anything wireless on you longer than you have to?

I went to inspirational speaker event once. In that event, the guy forgot to turn of his microphone during the break. We could hear him urinate and then when he was done, say very boldly, "I have no clue what I am saying, I am presenting the wrong presentation! Man, I hate this job."

Needless to say, the guy who was paying for the event, didn't pay him.

Why would anybody pursue doing that, just so they could say they hated what they were doing?  If you want to hate what you're doing, get a job in a fast food restaurant, cleaning toilets, or in certain types of customer service.  Now, I can understand being in a teacher setting and you're not much on going on and on about a subject you're not too big on, but needed a paycheck and happened to have a Master's degree that a local school would accept.  But anything approximating inspirational or teaching ministry, I can't understand backing one's self into a corner that badly over doing that.  That's someone that needs to fast and pray for about 4 days without food and water until they get something from God worth sharing, whether it's overtly Gospel related or related to whatever other type of inspirational work that one is becoming a part of.  God can make it not only bareable, but enjoyable.  That dude got pushed into seminary or into some other form of inspirational vocation by his relatives!

Then again, without the anointing and calling of God, absolutely anything in this life can become one's bane.  Life's too short for trying to experiment or trying to figure out what one wants to do when God's already got a plan that's 100% successful and 100% each individual's total enjoyment!  But most people won't shut up long enough for Him to say anything about it, though.

No, that was a burp and not a fart :laughing7:

[Craig]

I have no fear of farting or burping on stage, and have done it many times with great response! Haha.

I have always done public speaking and I am very good at it but never able to get a career out of it. I have done large events and I have pastored a church, it is where I felt the best, the greatest and at home. I could speak to dozens, hundreds and thousands of people and have no stage fright or fear, it is where I am called to be personally but no doors have ever been opened to me.

[WhiteWings]

That's all I'm going to say about that

Half information is usably most the enjoyable...

BTW Do you happen to know what the range of a wireles set is Martin? :happy3:

It depends on the model of the wireless, the layout of the building and various other factors.  That didn't happen to me, but I've wished I'd been in that service after I heard about that having happened.  I'd of been laughing histerically, on purpose, just to rub it in.  I'd be nervous about zapping myself with electricity to wander into a restroom or kitchen with a wireless set.  Plus, as far as I'm concerned, if there's the slightest question mark on the long-term safety of using cell phones, then why keep anything wireless on you longer than you have to?

WhiteWings looking for a serious answer in the jokes section.....?  :laughing7:

The correct answer is: Just fart enough  :laughing7:



:hithere: :hithere: :hithere: :hithere:

^
|
Just waving a fart away

[ChuckK3]

Kinda makes me want to have a big bowl of baked beans before church service. :laughing7:  Nothin like letting one rip during an ET sermon.

Hmmm, as a matter of fact, I haven't had baked beans in months.  They really go good with Boston brown bread.

Chuck

[WhiteWings]

Gas and fire isn't one of the best combinations chuck :laughing7:

[ChuckK3]

Gas and fire isn't one of the best combinations chuck :laughing7:

Wings,

    Mebbe I'm trying to cause an explosion.  :laughing7:

Chuck