I need help, i'm in crisis (again)

[Shadrak-Daniel]

Hello i don't know whether i'm posting in the right thread but lately, a few months ago, i've began to spiral deeper and deeper into depression and anxiety because of struggles with life and a lot of issues related to faith.

I find myself unable to trust or for that matter respect God anymore and am also subtly terrified of his punishments.

In my head i know him to be love and to *eventually* restore all and everything to Himself, but that doesn't bring me comfort in moments of desperation, and mental exhaustion.

I used to love Him a LOT and i mean that literally when i was saved, but drop by drop i could not digest the sufferings he allows His believers to go through on a constant basis, nor seeing that believers end up homeless in this world, or their children killed and/or raped and many other believers ending up in hospital with cancer.

Then in my despair i remember how He treated His chosen people the Hebrews, that due to their complains and ingratitude He straight out went and killed them. Opening the earth to swallow them, serpent bites... etc etc...

In my heart i cannot find myself in the position of loving what now i call on a repetitive basis, a hypocrite and sociopath or the supreme hypocrite and sociopath being.

And because i find myself falling in a deep spiral of trully toxic hatred at Him, that i genuinely feel my life drained due to the shear emotion, i become even more terrified that because i insult him that he will kill me in some horrible fashion.

And then i ask myself, if he is Love, why doesn't He cure me of this sickness? And why does He resume to PUNISHMENT instead of compassionate healing. He's supposed to be all understanding and all-loving yet He Killd his children and tortures those who are products of their environments.

I cannot find solace and release in faith, i'm in constant torment of rage and anxiety at God and my Local Church is not somebody i can ask for help because they are the eternal tormenters kind...

The conclusion is this: I find myself in a vicious loop, i become scared and depressed at my life's situation, then all the bad stuff God has done and or good stuff He has abstained from doing - fill my head, and i start feeling betrayed by God, and start hating him more and more, and i insult him in truly horrendous ways. Then i become frustrated that Justice can't really touch Him and make Him change because he made it.

Then i become terrified that at some point he's either going to kill me or some other member of my suffering family through some disease or accident...

I find it i can't pray for help because He simply doesn't answer my prayers or He does in a way that requires my participation. (which i can't offer due to my distress)

how can somebody get out of this curse i find myself in?
I cannot forsake God because i know him too well to know that there's no point in doing that, but i can't really trust him for safety as not even those that trust him for safety are safe or provided for...

[jabcat]

I thought someone might have replied by now.  I think they will.

In the meantime, it's easy to say "trust" and often hard to do.  But we are to do so.  Finding out how inside each of us can be the challenge.

In a sense, we do "hold on" to God.  On the other hand, IMO, in the biggest sense, He holds onto us.  We're not big enough or strong enough to complete this ourselves.  From the cross, to the everyday walk, He has to do it for us and through us, or it can't get done.  That's wny He said

He who began a good work in you will complete it.
We are sealed by the Holy Spirit until that day [of full redemption].
Nothing can separate us from His love;  "neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

There will be more to come from others.

[Andrew]

I have found myself in darkness at times, having negative thoughts towards God. I have found that it may be a test to see if we will truly fight our flesh, and overcome through the testing period. The key is not to give up, to keep fighting to believe that God is good, and that He will never cast us out forever. One way I have been taught by a mentor is to dance and sing to worship music when facing an attack from the enemy  - this works to confuse the enemy. I feel like this may be a difficult ask for you at this time but that you could do it because deep down you know that He is love from the experiences you have had. And also when trying to stop negative thoughts you can try the three step method that Dan Duval teaches 1. confess that you are having these thoughts 2. Agree to repent and turn away from those thoughts and then 3.say that you break all agreements with those thoughts in Jesus name - that method has helped me. But, ultimately, remember that everything is not as it seems, and that there may be a logic behind events that we may not be capable of understanding the reason for it from our finite minds. You have to have faith that all things are working for our good, and that when it's  all said and done, everything will be made right. 

[Shadrak-Daniel]

Yes thank you. I find it really hard to do this when i'm in distress, because i really can't feel Him at all! Many a times i try to do exactly what i've been doing since saved and revealed the Victorious and Complete Gospel of Jesus the Saviour of The World.

And that is meditate on Yahshuah The Son of Glory and infinite Mercy, no matter the thoughts and feelings. I just find my mind not receiving the peace, maybe i failed at practicing this enough times and the Enemy has managed to build a stronghold in my subconscious,
But i feel like my brain is hurting at the pressure i apply on focussing or praying to Him. And when i fail at this even more fear strikes and i get angry that he leaves me to suffer like this.

That's when these spirals take over me.
But were it not for Yahshuah (Jesus) i would be dead by now anyway, THAT's how important His Salvation and revelation of the True Gospel was for me!...

[Ross]

Many a times i try to do exactly what i've been doing since saved and revealed the Victorious and Complete Gospel of Jesus the Saviour of The World.

And that is meditate on Yahshuah The Son of Glory and infinite Mercy, no matter the thoughts and feelings.

One tiny word can make a lot of difference .  " I "
Every time "I" try to solve my problems I fail, or only just come to be convinced of the need for some out-side help.
As a child my dad would only help when I called out. This would first have many attempts of my own .
Then my dad could help with most things. However there was always a hidden obstacle.
40 years later I now recognise that obstacle, but only because of being corrected by my Heavenly Father.
I am now fully convinced of the need for a saviour of ALL mankind.
The truth of being created in the flesh as a preparation before becoming spiritual explains, for me; that before passing the exam we have to go through the test.
I.M.O that test is life. We make mistakes as we learn and Christ corrects them one by one. Some correction needs to be immediate, some much slower and deeper so they are not rushed but rather take years.

Meditating on an infinite concept whilst being in a finite state of being will miss much of the data which is actually in the system already. So much like being a novice on the computer I used to blame the computer when said computer would not do what "I" thought was right. Having grown a little I appreciate more than when I started. Still much to learn. So do I blame the computer, the designer, the marketing people? Or recognise my own failings and the need for a good correct teacher.

Christ is that teacher in reality. Yet many people try to delete Him, correct Him, say they understand Him yet fail to act accordingly.
The flesh is a powerful thing. Paul points out the struggle.

Then Paul says we are to put on the armour of God.
The helmet- I KNOW I am saved by Christ's work.
My shield of faith is Christ's faith, not mine. ergo One Faith, One baptism...  this is what Christ has literally done for us before we were even born.
My belt of truth, being saved by Him and His provision, keeps the shirt from being ripped off my back.
And His love never fails- even when we cannot see that love quite as clearly as we would like to.

Even though you are struggling, He will not fail.
I.M.O Christ is breaking the flesh and exposing the problems you see within yourself so that you will completely be giving Him the credit for His works and not trusting in your own efforts.

Gal 2;20 " I have been crucified with Christ and  It is no longer I who live but Christ Who lives in me. This life I live in the body I live by
    the faith of the Son of God, Who loved me and gave His life in my behalf."
    vs 21 " I do not nullify or set aside the grace of God, for if I am righteous through the law then Christ died in vain."

I.M.O this is why we are to take up the cross daily, as part of that reminder that His love never fails and we are All saved for a glorious future. The fact of ages to come helps to show that all mankind will be changed according to God's plan and process, not mans'.

[bushy]

 In the beginning was the WORD, and the WORD was with God, and the WORD was God.

"THE WORD IS NEAR YOU, IN YOUR MOUTH AND IN YOUR HEART "

speaking to one another (and yourself) in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord;

[jabcat]

 :HeartThrob:

In the beginning was the WORD, and the WORD was with God, and the WORD was God.

"THE WORD IS NEAR YOU, IN YOUR MOUTH AND IN YOUR HEART "

speaking to one another (and yourself) in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord;

:HeartThrob:

[marie glen]

Amen, we need a lot of healing.. Once when yielding/submitting myself to Him an image came to mind, a kind of funny one, but it suggested to me that once I think I?ve gotten down to the very floor of my being as far as being submitted, that?s when I need to start pulling up floor boards..
     NOT any type of self flogging of course! ..As a matter of fact, I?m a real stickler for ?peace?. Learning inner peace even when there?s outer noise and distraction. I named my website ?inner monastery?, now it?s a blog. Someone should start a ministry or teaching called ?the bread and the wine? - the spiritual bread, our daily bread - I see the New Testament as our loaf - and the new wine of His Spirit.. Which carries us through our days (?beneath are the everlating arms?). The bread gets dipped into the wine.

Many (many, lol) years ago when I needed much inner healing of heart and mind, I was sitting on an old bench under some plum trees that some grape vines grew up into and throughout, having a bit of ?Quiet Time? with the spiritual bread and wine, when it seemed as though the Lord gave me this spiritual daily formula (haha, He made me as partial to formulas.. and also riddles involving letters and numbers ..in my bible studies).
     The formula is like this, there?s four seasons of the year, and three major times of day (which add up to the ever present perfect 7 (lol) and so! I should have three daily quiet times of the spiritual bread and wine, throughout those four seasons. :gsmile: Sad to say, it?s still a struggle to get the additional two consistantly, afternoon and evening, though I?m better at the evening.. But it?s the slow peaceful aiming at that ideal/goal.. plus the A.M. one is pretty solid (in the structure of an inner monastery).
      I use this reading schedule which I decided to call an ?enter the story? reading schedule - https://inner-monastery.blogspot.com/p/daily.html - I blended thegospels into two six month readings, and read the letters in the order believed written. Acts and Revelation are read as weekly readings.
      Psalms is on a number system of Jan is 1-20; Feb is the 20?s; Mar 30?s; April 40?s etc.. til Dec is 120-150 which the Psalms are shorter so it works perfectly.. Proverbs is easy to figure out.. Some years I also read the prophets (in the order believed written). When I read through the rest of the Old Testament it?s not by a schedule but with lots of notes or commentary on interesting history notes or trivia.
    Don?t give up! I remember the verse the Lird ministered to me when I was emotionally/mentally on unstable ground - ?I will build you, stablish you?. And, ?there is nothing impossible to Him? Lk.1:37. Nothing. Universal Reconciliation (Eph.1:10, etc, etc) is no problem for Father God Most High and His ?forever preeminent? Son, the ?First/proto? - the prototype.. All done and accomplished by Him, not us.
:hiya:


     

[jugghead]

If I may be so bold:

Hello i don't know whether i'm posting in the right thread but lately, a few months ago, i've began to spiral deeper and deeper into depression and anxiety because of struggles with life and a lot of issues related to faith.

I find myself unable to trust or for that matter respect God anymore and am also subtly terrified of his punishments.

Is this not living in fear?

In my head i know him to be love and to *eventually* restore all and everything to Himself, but that doesn't bring me comfort in moments of desperation, and mental exhaustion.

Is not the desperation caused by fear? Does not fear drain you of life?

I used to love Him a LOT and i mean that literally when i was saved, but drop by drop i could not digest the sufferings he allows His believers to go through on a constant basis, nor seeing that believers end up homeless in this world, or their children killed and/or raped and many other believers ending up in hospital with cancer.

Fear does not let peace enter in

Then in my despair i remember how He treated His chosen people the Hebrews, that due to their complains and ingratitude He straight out went and killed them. Opening the earth to swallow them, serpent bites... etc etc...

Are we not appointed to each die once? Don't fear that, for you can only be ressurected AFTER you die

In my heart i cannot find myself in the position of loving what now i call on a repetitive basis, a hypocrite and sociopath or the supreme hypocrite and sociopath being.

Decisions based in fear lie about our loving Father

And because i find myself falling in a deep spiral of trully toxic hatred at Him, that i genuinely feel my life drained due to the shear emotion, i become even more terrified that because i insult him that he will kill me in some horrible fashion.

Fear is the vortex bringing you down

And then i ask myself, if he is Love, why doesn't He cure me of this sickness? And why does He resume to PUNISHMENT instead of compassionate healing. He's supposed to be all understanding and all-loving yet He Killd his children and tortures those who are products of their environments.

a spirit of fear sees it as "punishment" whereas a spirit of hope sees it as "training"

I cannot find solace and release in faith, i'm in constant torment of rage and anxiety at God and my Local Church is not somebody i can ask for help because they are the eternal tormenters kind...

fear is your tormentor

The conclusion is this: I find myself in a vicious loop, i become scared and depressed at my life's situation, then all the bad stuff God has done and or good stuff He has abstained from doing - fill my head, and i start feeling betrayed by God, and start hating him more and more, and i insult him in truly horrendous ways. Then i become frustrated that Justice can't really touch Him and make Him change because he made it.

fear won't let go of the bad stuff, it feels betrayed and hates and then insults

Then i become terrified that at some point he's either going to kill me or some other member of my suffering family through some disease or accident...

fear is ruling again rather than peace in knowing He loves you and will finish in you what He started

I find it i can't pray for help because He simply doesn't answer my prayers or He does in a way that requires my participation. (which i can't offer due to my distress)

Let Him finish

how can somebody get out of this curse i find myself in?
I cannot forsake God because i know him too well to know that there's no point in doing that, but i can't really trust him for safety as not even those that trust him for safety are safe or provided for...

"CURSE" is a perspective, "TRAINING" is an understanding

Be at peace and LET HIM FINISH WHAT HE STARTED

Greater is He who is in you (His Spirit of Peace) than he who is in the world (the spirit of fear)

FOR HE SHALL OVERCOME

[Shadrak-Daniel]

 :iagree: :thumbsup:
Thank you brother for the reminder and for the Grace of God in you to point out my very words so that i can understand my position!

And thank everybody here who have rushed to help in the teaching that God is doing in my life  :thanks:

[darryl]

i  get what u saying...life an be harsh n sum of the Bible seems very harsh....i try focus on good things God does..like wonders of my digestive system so can enjoy nice food God has made....the beauty n cuteness of a lil puppy or cat....the lovely parts of the Bible like 1 Corith 13 re love....n talking to God n tryin hear his sweet voice..it all helps counteract the harsh bits of life

[darryl]

focussing too much on harsh bits of bible can be distractive...bible says, the letter kills but the Spirit gives life

[FineLinen]

There are moments in every life when hope seems hopeless. In those episodes, one is called into a deeper union and communion, as our Father draws us into His vastness. After 65 years of His overtures to me I am awakening to how small my trust in Him really is.  Fear not, He will consumate His work in you and every one of us!

[DavidFord]

.... i could not digest the sufferings he allows His believers to go through on a constant basis, nor seeing that believers end up homeless in this world, or their children killed and/or raped and many other believers ending up in hospital with cancer

If it's any consolation, everything 'bad' that happens to people simultaneously happens to Jesus:  'Whatever you did to the least of these, you did to Me.'

Also, God often restricts his involvement in the world to working through willing humans.
If many more individuals partnered with God to combat homelessness, there'd be a lot less homelessness.
If many more individuals partnered with God to bring God's healing power to others, there'd be a lot fewer cases of deadly cancer.

[marie glen]

I see there are some great answers here.. Though I?ve only read a little. Times of stress.. that pressure from the enemies (dark entities/messengers) and the negatives seem to pile up, is when I try to remember that those times are the best times to conciously in prayer yield myself to the Lord.

Why has God allowed death? If he?d not included in Eden the option to stray/imperfection, he woukd have had to withhold thinking and reasoning ability too. And if he intervened for one he?d have to intervene always, and then what?s the point?

I always take comfort in these verses as they show how all who have died, next thing they know, they will be resurrected. For the Lord said, ?all those in the tombs? (graves) ?will hear His voice and will come forth? (from the graves/tombs) ?these (the not saved b4 death) will rise into aionian-kolasis *AGE*LASTING-CORRECTION (translated punishment making lots of trouble) but the righteous into aionian life? having gone through ?correction? now during this lifetime. (Jn.5:28;Mt.25:46;REV.20)
:Peace2: The Lord bless.. :Pray: