Last night was really, really hard.
As some of you know I am now living with my cousin (Who just lost her 13 month old baby). She has in her words "forced herself to believe in God again" because she refuses to believe her baby is just stone cold dead. She did believe in eternal torment, as we both grew up in a traditional christian home. Because of this belief she was pretty sure that the she was going to hell herself because she feels incapable (she has Bi Polar) of being a "True Christian" .
She would often break down, saying she deserves Hell, but she does not want to go there because she will never see her baby again.
God led me to UR, but It was a secret I had for awhile, I did not want to tell my cousin about UR just in case she gets manic has a bi polar episode and ditches Jesus all together. Because of her short attention span, she often reads the bible and comes out in rage, an example: "And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father." John 14:13, she once read that and was raging mad at God for weeks, because she had asked "In Jesus's name" for her baby not to die, and he died.
I was determined not to tell her about my revelation, because I feared that she would hop skip to the bible, look up every hell fire, damnation verse there is and try to convince herself (and me) of eternal hell fire. Or she would get incredibly confused and give up all together. However there was one night, she was talking about hell, how she was going there, and she was glad God took her baby away so he could never go there. I felt compelled to tell her the good news, every bone in my body was screaming "Tell her!" In fact it was almost like my whole life had led to this point. So I told her, and she thought I was crazy, but curiosity got the best of her and she more and more began to understand what I was saying to her, to the point she believed it (well kinda) herself.
I would urge her to study the bible, pray to God that he will reveal his truth to her so she can glimpse even just a speck of his never failing love, unfortunately she bluntly said "I can not read and interpret the bible like you do". I knew she would see it black and white, I felt compelled to tell her how she was missing not only the shades of grey, but every colour of the rainbow.
Oh dear, I felt bad. I wish I could just teach her, but somethings you must discover for yourself. She told me that I am like the person that helped lift the lame person to Jesus. That because she is incapable she must solely depend on me to get to Jesus.
This is something I've been wrestling with, I am not her Saviour, Jesus is, I am so afraid of letting them both down.
I then overheard her talking about me last night, she was talking to her partner and they were reading the bible, and the whole time I could hear her say "Look, here it is, eternal suffering! Sarah is only 21, shes got a long way to go, but it's confusing because I want to believe what she says, and I want to believe in a God that will save all, but Sarah will have to accept the fact that God is not the God of what we want him to be, he is God and unfortunately there is a hell, and twisting scripture to suit your cause will not save you from hell. I know I have been asking her a lot of questions lately but I must not encourage her, I don't want her confusing me I think shes stuffing me up."
Oh how deep the blackness is. Tears welled up in my eyes, what if what she was saying is correct? What if I was corrupting her? What if I was leading her astray? This was a dark moment indeed, and I did what I knew would be the only thing that could help me, I cried out to God. I cried, and cried and cried until a dark thought entered my mind, a thought that I was compelled to say out loud, a thought that I knew I had to say, I had no choice whatsoever, when this entered my mind I knew this is where I would lay down everything for the truth, for Jesus.
"God if I am false, If I've been preaching your name falsely strike me down dead right now, do not let me wake up in the morning and utter a single word against you, let me corrupt no one, punish me if I have sinned, do not let me deceive anyone in your name, I am not willing to be a servant of Satan."
I knew the severity of my words, and I was torn between the truth and my own life, once you utter those words to an all knowing, all hearing God there is no going back. I felt guilty for giving God an ultimatum, but I really was that desperate to know the truth once and for all.
I am still unsure if me asking that of God was the right thing to do, but strangely I have been at peace since.
Anyone had a similar experience?
I'm sorry for you, bless you, and yes I have. Dwell on this.
YHWH is your Dad.
Jesus is the One Who gives peace.
No experience exactly like yours, but your cousin needs you. None of us come to Jesus on our own, well maybe a few, but we are all dragged into the Kingdom, by one means or another. None of us are on our own, but share an unbroken bond that stretches across continents and centuries, back to the twelve apostles. It is a chain of believers, sharing the Good News generation after generation.
In my case, I was an atheist for some years. My father prayed for me, but there were no results. In time, he got his own life in line with Jesus as he kept praying for me, and things began to happen in my life which I can not easily explain. A college friend invited me to an evolution vs creation lecture. One of my med tech instructors filled me in on OT history. In time, I was dragged into the Kingdom, and I was not even looking to go there. No, in fact, at first, I really didn't want to go there, but here I am today on Tentmaker.
You need to be such a link for your cousin. :gimmefive:
Hey MissZ. :)
The fear of hell goes deep and there is a constant battle going on for our minds. Of course we all know who wins in the end. :thumbsup:
Your cousin sounds a bit like my husband. He wants to believe it fully but is hesitant because of the fear of being deceived. And I have also had people accuse me... the pastor's wife of the church I used to attend cornered me while holding my daughter after she found out that I believed in UR and she was in tears telling me not to lead my precious little one astray. It was not a fun time to say the least, the pastor and my husband were also there and they were basically all calling me a deceiver. :sigh:
There is a verse that has greatly blessed me in the past year or so. I can't even remember where it is or how exactly to quote it but basically it says that if you are deceived in any way God will bring it to light for you. (If anyone knows it please feel free to post it for me lol.) :)
Be blessed, trust your Father who is Love, He won't lead you astray. Pray for truth. You're still here. I think that's a good sign. :)
Thank you Jab, Laz and Lomarah. :friendstu:
Quote from: misszoolander on January 17, 2013, 03:04:19 AM
God led me to UR
There you go.
Therefore, your cousin and God's dealings with her is God's problem. We're called to witness and testify, to encourage and exhort. What we're not called to be is other people's Holy Spirit.
Don't feel compelled to carry a burden that isn't yours. You're not responsible for how the universe runs nor for God's principles that He has established.
Love your cousin and be patient with her. Just ask God to show her the truth in a way she can grasp, the same way He did with you, and ask Him to heal her troubled mind.
She's evidently emotionally all over the place, plus she is grieving the loss of a child (which is so, SO hard) so the best thing you can do for her is to remain rooted, grounded and, above all, stable. She may be irrational for a good while as she comes to terms with her loss and works through her grief. Help her through it and be there for her.
Her challenge is to deal with her fear and get a hold of the (very real) hope of one day being reconciled with her child and understand that this is not a permanent loss, but only temporary, because God doesn't lose people (yay!). That's a rather big deal, but David said when he lost his baby with Bathsheeba "he can't come back to me but I will go to him one day" (paraphrased).
We can only share truth with people and be faithful to what God is teaching us. We can't control how people are going to react. Some folk share the Gospel and are imprisoned and/or put to death as a result. Our lives are in God's hands, yes?
We're called to self-control, which is a fruit of the Spirit and which realistically the only control we have.
I don't know if that helps you any, but don't make yourself crazy over something you have no control over. Let God handle those things. He is able.
Really good advice Dani. :HeartThrob:
Quote from: Dani H on January 17, 2013, 04:56:39 AM
Quote from: misszoolander on January 17, 2013, 03:04:19 AM
God led me to UR
There you go.
Therefore, your cousin and God's dealings with her is God's problem. We're called to witness and testify, to encourage and exhort. What we're not called to be is other people's Holy Spirit.
Don't feel compelled to carry a burden that isn't yours. You're not responsible for how the universe runs nor for God's principles that He has established.
Love your cousin and be patient with her. Just ask God to show her the truth in a way she can grasp, the same way He did with you, and ask Him to heal her troubled mind.
She's evidently emotionally all over the place, plus she is grieving the loss of a child (which is so, SO hard) so the best thing you can do for her is to remain rooted, grounded and, above all, stable. She may be irrational for a good while as she comes to terms with her loss and works through her grief. Help her through it and be there for her.
Her challenge is to deal with her fear and get a hold of the (very real) hope of one day being reconciled with her child and understand that this is not a permanent loss, but only temporary, because God doesn't lose people (yay!). That's a rather big deal, but David said when he lost his baby with Bathsheeba "he can't come back to me but I will go to him one day" (paraphrased).
We can only share truth with people and be faithful to what God is teaching us. We can't control how people are going to react. Some folk share the Gospel and are imprisoned and/or put to death as a result. Our lives are in God's hands, yes?
We're called to self-control, which is a fruit of the Spirit and which realistically the only control we have.
I don't know if that helps you any, but don't make yourself crazy over something you have no control over. Let God handle those things. He is able.
Thank you Dani, your post puts into words what my heart tells me to do.
Matthew 5:16
In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.2 Timothy 2:1-3
You then, my child, be strengthened by the grace that is in Christ Jesus, and what you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful men who will be able to teach others also. Share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus.I am called to be a witness of Christ to my cousin, this is what the Lord has called me to do, our God is a great God, he WILL help me, he will guide me, I will trust my God. I offer my doubts and fears for my cousin to the Lord.
:friendstu:
On a side note, two of my very special girl friends are bipolar. One needed to get away from her piece of work of a (now ex-) husband and the other has found her footing by growing in her relationship with God and seeking balance for her life.
So ya know what? Bipolar ain't nothing but a thing. We're all mentally unwell in some way, shape and form and touched by all sorts of mental illness to various degrees. It's part of the fall that our minds need restoration and that we're all walking around in varying stages of crazy. That's why John tells us that the Spirit God gave us brings with Him a sound mind. Because we need it!!
Diagnoses may change and names for these things may change, but God's truth is eternal and our restoration assured.
I'm just telling you this so you stop feeling threatened by this "bipolar" thing which carries such a stigma and is often misdiagnosed. She's a human being with a mind that God is well able of restoring. Let her psych docs handle their job; you approach it from the spiritual angle and pray for your cousin's mental and emotional healing and restoration.
:iagree:
MissZoolander your post has inspired me to pray for your cousin.
Your cousin has an Extraordinarily helpful and spiritual Cousin
May God richly bless you and your whole family.
We are being prepared for the whole family of God reunion.
Quote from: Dani H on January 17, 2013, 05:57:40 AM
So ya know what? Bipolar ain't nothing but a thing. We're all mentally unwell in some way, shape and form and touched by all sorts of mental illness to various degrees. It's part of the fall that our minds need restoration and that we're all walking around in varying stages of crazy. That's why John tells us that the Spirit God gave us brings with Him a sound mind. Because we need it!!
Heeeeheeeeee this is SO good and SO true. Someone else on here (I can never remember who said things lol) once said that until we have the mind of Christ we are all out of our minds. YUP. :iagree:
And amen to daj! Can't wait for the whole family reunion! :HeartThrob: :HeartThrob: :HeartThrob:
Quote from: dajomaco on January 17, 2013, 07:17:27 AM
MissZoolander your post has inspired me to pray for your cousin.
Your cousin has an Extraordinarily helpful and spiritual Cousin
May God richly bless you and your whole family.
We are being prepared for the whole family of God reunion.
Thank you,
Your prayers mean a lot, what a glorious hope that we will all be with God, one family :dsunny:
Thanks again.
We are seed planters. Occasionally, God allows us to water and watch grow...but more often than not we merely plant seeds. It's not you responsibility to grow UR into your cousin, that is the work of the Holy Spirit.
As for "corrupting" your cousin...God knows your heart...He knows your intent.