Pressure...

[sparrow]

Today, I allowed myself to take a deep breath. Ever since I started seeking God and came to the truth of UR, I've had this idea that I am responsible for everyone around me, in the sense, that if they are not spiritual (that I can see based on their conversations, etc.) or if they don't appear interested in God... that I am a failure? Over the last ?? however many months, I've slipped a lot as far as my spirituality and inner peace and outward peace. At work, I've lost my temper, become frustrated, cussed up and down under my breath and out loud, been impatient of others, etc.

We are in a big thing at work where we are undergoing a restructuring, and our boss has done some icky stuff to us and we've all been kind of fighting with her off and on. Hopefully things will get better soon, but my attitude has just been nothing but FUNK. I have allowed myself to slip into everyone else's outlook (but it's not hard to understand based on my boss' behaviour towards us.) I just feel totally stuck.

Witness? yeah... if I've been a witness for God, I'd hate to see what a witness for an "anti-god" would look like.  :sigh:

How could I have possibly slipped this far down? How can anyone with the glorious knowledge of UR possibly slip into a base life? And how on earth do I get back up to where I was?

Why was it all so easy before....? When I would hear other people complain about the pressures of "being a witness"... I thought, "sheesh, it's so darn easy...!" but now, I'm just I don't know. I've lost something. I feel the word has hardened me yet again.

Why do I feel pressured to save the world? Isn't everyone responsible for their own spirituality?


I stopped myself today in the middle of work just as my eyes started to well up at the above thoughts, and I just stopped. and I thought, y'know what? God loves me. Even though I suck and I'm a screw up and I'm being a horrible example to those around me and even IF someone would ask me about my spirituality, no-one would even take me seriously now because I'm a terrible hypocrite.... God still loves me. I'm still human. I'm still having to live in this world, even though my spirit longs for and rejoices at the fact of UR... I'm still physically here. and I'm still ABLE to be affected by things. Even though, before I had some sort of "new to UR" shield that glowed brightly and this world couldn't touch me... the glow has faded and the world CAN touch me. Now I need to be able to deal with that. I guess this is part of growing. it's like the honeymoon is over... now I need to work on my marriage, so to speak. God STILL loves me and sees me as his child. Even though I'm dissapointed in myself, maybe He only sees that I'm at the start of a growth period.

[SeekerSA]

Hey Sparrow

If anyone asks, just tell them you are a work in progress.

Many times Jesus started off "And it came to pass...."

Things do not come to stay, they come to pass, in your present circumstances, this too shall pass.

Take comfort in this, I know it is hard sometimes.

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.
Because He lives, All fear is gone.
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living just because He lives.

Blessings

[sparrow]

Thank you, Seeker...
I sure do appreciate your words.
:HeartThrob:,
sparrow

[firstborn888]

Hi there Sparrow,
  While reading your post I thought back to my spiritual rebirth 30 years ago. After being on cloud nine for several weeks I woke up one morning without the 'feelings' of being on that cloud anymore (for the first time) and my first thought was "OMG - I've lost it, it's gone!" but of course, here I sit 30 years later and am doing fine.
  I saw in your post ALL the right answers, and I'll add this - it humbles us to fail, and that's just as much a part of the process as having 'success'. There is definitely an ebb and flow, highs and lows, elation and disappointment - but those who earnestly seek always find the end result that they and the Lord are after. 
  Sparrow, if you understand (as you stated) that God feels the same love toward you in the midst of your screw ups, then you're ahead of many believers I know who still weigh their own worth upon the scales of performance...

       blessings,

    - byron

[hopeful]

 Hey, Sparrow!

~  :friendstu: ~

Be of good cheer for He has overcome the world! :HeartThrob:
Emphasis on HE.

Don't worry about being a witness.
Just let Him live through you.
He's the witness.
Emphasis on HE.

We can and will mess up and then we can go on.
Just go on!   :Sparkletooth:

Things are gonna look up, Sparrow!
They already are because you're looking for the answer. 
I'm praying for you...

:girlheart:
Holly

[Redlettervoice]

Hey, Sparrow!

~  :friendstu: ~

Be of good cheer for He has overcome the world! :HeartThrob:
Emphasis on HE.

Don't worry about being a witness.
Just let Him live through you.
He's the witness.
Emphasis on HE.

We can and will mess up and then we can go on.
Just go on!   :Sparkletooth:

Things are gonna look up, Sparrow!
They already are because you're looking for the answer. 
I'm praying for you...

:girlheart:
Holly

I really believe that HOLLY has pegged it!

Forget your own good works and theirs...........but focus on HiS!

What He has planted, "will" come up, to YOUR salvation!

Be encouraged......there is nothing that all the people of God are not acquainted with.......

blessings to you........what more could you do, but confess what you are.  I wrote

a poem one time that says, there is in the ark, a witness of who is lamb and who is

lion......ha HE was the lamb led willingly, I'm afraid I might buck a bit........but if He has

ordered it, I will be going........you too.  But God is gracious........

The Spirit lift your eyes to behold HIM!

He knows your downsitting and your UPRISING is in His Hands. 

Quick as a man can blink his eyes, that's how fast He can lift a "beggar" from the "dunghill"

to the THRONE, Hannah said. Do you think the beggar done it? No, He did.

[Cardinal]

 :cloud9: Sparrow, extreme pressure in any form, is what turns our hearts from a stone" into a diamond, able to reflect all the colors of the rainbow/covenant. I know that's not a comfort when you going thru some of it, but take heart, that all of us I'm sure have been where you are at, in one way or another, if not several ways, and He understands. He is actually taking us to the end of ourselves, like stretching a tent to make it bigger, so it will hold more of Him. 

When my son was brain damaged and nearly killed 2 years ago, one day I was reduced to running back behind my house into a cornfield and laying down asking Him to let me die, the pain of it was more than I could bear. Rationally, I couldn't die, but I was far from rational by that point; someone had to deal with the impact of this tragedy and it fell on me and God. Fortunately for both of us, at least God was up to the challenge; Mom not so much.

I feel shame at even thinking this now, not to mention my own temper tantrums that seemed to come out of no where during the stress of all this. I had zero patience, with everyone but him. I had to continually cast down thoughts coming at me, even about God, that I hadn't had to deal with in 2 decades. I thought; am I losing my mind over this?

I had told everyone around us not to tell him he was any different, because I didn't want him to become afraid or focus on there being something wrong with him, even though he acted and for a time, believed himself to be 9 years old. He was 20. I wouldn't let him see or hear me cry, and no one else could handle him at that point, so the cornfield was my only option to cry out to God. I became a "regular" there, for several months.

I feel certain this is why He could do no miracles in his own town. They knew Him before, as God was working Himself into Him in perfection, and they knew the bad days, up close and personal. Even His own mother didn't have a clue at first. That tells me that there was a metamorphosis; the "ugly" caterpillar at some point turned into a beautiful butterfly, able to glide on the wind. The Word tells us that we will be changed, and it's been awhile since I studied it, but I believe that Greek word used there is metamorphoo., and God knows this caterpillar needs a metamorphoo...... :HeartThrob:  Blessings to you......

[gatheredfragments]

God loves us so much he provides us cornfields.

:HeartThrob:

Sparrow, its as is we put on the white linen, we're part of the light and bright...and its so lovely.....

.... and then we're back in wool, and with the wool comes some dirt, maybe even a flea bite... :mshock:

i went through something similar last night...and at first i was going to go through it on my own...and i was ready to react...to call bluffs..to pick fights....and to trash the entire experience and walk away in pride, knowing i was 'higher' than all that....
and then...
I went to Jesus...and said...Go through this WITH me...if WE go through this...love will come out in the end....resolution will come...healing..righteousness...all those things of God's glory will come out in the end...because WE went through it together...because I came to you and asked YOU, Christ, to go through it with me...

i never felt more in balance facing suffering before in my life...

Eph 4:15  But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:
Eph 4:16  From whom the whole body fitly joined together and compacted by that which every joint supplieth, according to the effectual working in the measure of every part, maketh increase of the body unto the edifying of itself in love.

HE makes things work to the better

God bless you

[firstborn888]

God loves us so much he provides us cornfields.

:bigGrin:

[Loveroftruth]

Cardinal,

I am so moved by your story - for surely you are an overcomer :mfriends: :HeartThrob:
I hope to get to know you better :icon_queen:

Sparrow.... as I read what you wrote this is what came to my mind......

There is a zeal we have and it moves us...... yet there is something much greater then that zeal... it is His Spirit moving us :HeartThrob: Our zeal usually wont bare alot of true fruit, yet when its His Spirit "stuff happens".

When I  met the Lord I was FULL of zeal... zeal to tell people about God, and to ACT THE PART I was supposed to BE..... but it was "ME trying to be Christian"....

Years later God took me into the wilderness where all the "Natural Zeal" died.... I felt barely any spiritualness and it felt bad yet it was God building something REAL in my by striping away "my zeal and spiritual act"..........

That season, the one where I felt I was no longer spiritual or walking with God bore the most incredible fruit, it is in this season where God says to us "Its not about you, get out of the way and allow MY SPIRIT to flow through you"

There is what WE can do but it actually gets in the way of HIM doing through us.

WE DIE SO HE CAN LIVE

"Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.

Our job is to surrender and say "I cant do it" and that is when He says "Good, now let me do it"

This is where we start to see some incredible things happen.

You are not backslidding, God is taking you to a new place, trust that and let go and rejoice in the freedom, power and fruit that He is going to bring.....  :HeartThrob: :HeartThrob:

Blessings :girlheart:

[Craig]

Why do I feel pressured to save the world? Isn't everyone responsible for their own spirituality?

I don't say this phrase often as I do not take the Lord's Name in vain, I will say it now because it is great important. After reading your thread, the Spirit quickened and this is my reply.

Why do you feel pressured to save the world? Because that is the Spirit within you. Despite knowing that all mankind is saved in Jesus Christ, the reality still exists: the world is still in need of saving, regardless that Jesus did the work already. Remember who you are, and you are not your own. You are an ambassador of Christ, given the same authority to do what Christ has done. You are the Body of Christ, and have been chosen to bear good fruit, if you do not bear good fruit, you will be painfully pruned so that you will.

Scripture tells us repeatedly that we are responsible for every word and deed we carryout, not just for ourselves but even our neighbors.

Paul says to Timothy,
Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers. (1 Timothy 4:16)

I understand that you feel weak to accomplish these things, but that is why were not left alone but given the Comforter who bears witness of Jesus Christ in us. As Paul said, the secret of contentment he has learned is, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Phil 4:13)

Sparrow, you are being humbled and suffering unto perfection in Christ Jesus. Indeed, it may hurt and the pressure is there, but where are you throwing that burden? Are you bottling it up, frustrated by your constant failure to accomplish that which is expected of each and every one who trusts in the Lord, or are you giving that burden to Him and walking in the good works He has prepared you to do?

I rejoice, not in your misery, but in the future product which is being planted in your soul. You are learning that you are more than responsible and accountable for your beliefs, but responsible and and accountable for what you say and what you do to those around you. Indeed, you are developing a mind of Christ.

"Who is weak without my being weak? Who is led into sin without my intense concern?" 2 Corinthians 11:29

"Take care that this liberty of yours does not somehow become a stumbling block to the weak." 1 Corinthians 8:9

"If somehow I might move to jealousy my fellow countrymen and save some of them." Romans 11:14

"To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak; I have become all things to all men, so that I may by all means save some." 1 Corinthians 9:22

"For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not come to know God, God was well-pleased through the foolishness of the message preached to save those who believe." 1 Corinthians 1:21

"Be merciful to those who doubt; snatch others from the fire and save them; to others show mercy, mixed with fear—hating even the clothing stained by corrupted flesh." Jude 1:22-23

I say this with sincerity, that pressure is not a thorn from the devil, it is a work of God. If so long as you thought you were only responsible for your own spirituality and not the needs of your neighbor for the benefit of their own good, the burdens you bear are of your own doing and God is intervening on the behalf of His Children to save them from you! Though, godly sorrow brings repentance and this discipline results in righteousness.

"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. "Make level paths for your feet," so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed." Hebrew 12:11-13

Proverbs 21:3
To do what is right and just is more acceptable to the LORD than sacrifice.

Proverbs 2:6-10
For the LORD gives wisdom,
       and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.
He holds victory in store for the upright,
       he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless,
For he guards the course of the just
       and protects the way of his faithful ones.
Then you will understand what is right and just
       and fair—every good path.
For wisdom will enter your heart,
       and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul.

I say this with sincerity, do not throw away the truth because it is uncomfortable. In your weakness are you made strong, when you are in need, that is when you go boldly into the throne room of God and recieve the strength to do what is right. Remember the secret to contentment is to know, you can do all things in Christ who strengthens you.

Read the account of the apostles as quoted by Paul, what pressures they constantly faced in order to be the good witness not putting stumbling blocks in anyone's path in order that their ministry would not be discredited.

2 Corinthians 6:3-10
We put no stumbling block in anyone's path, so that our ministry will not be discredited.

Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything.

You are most certaintly not falling away from the Lord but being trained as one choosen by Him to carry this message and save both yourself and your hearers.

Craig

[gatheredfragments]

craig, that just polished my armor.


ty :sohappy:

[whyiloveitaly.com]

Sparrow:
Through Craig's Student of the Word link (thanks, Craig!) I found a beautiful article written by Gary Sigler. It's strikingly in line with what my grandpa used to talk about, and helped me a lot. Check it out if you get the chance: http://sigler.org/character.html   My grandpa stressed the fact that 1 John 4:3 denotes those who recognize Christ within , (the abiding presence), not just the Christ who came 2,000 years ago.

Just a thought!

Brian

[sparrow]

Thank you all for your words of encouragement... :HeartThrob:

Sparrow:
Through Craig's Student of the Word link (thanks, Craig!) I found a beautiful article written by Gary Sigler. It's strikingly in line with what my grandpa used to talk about, and helped me a lot. Check it out if you get the chance: http://sigler.org/character.html   My grandpa stressed the fact that 1 John 4:3 denotes those who recognize Christ within , (the abiding presence), not just the Christ who came 2,000 years ago.

Just a thought!

Brian

And an extra, EXTRA special thank you to you, whyiloveitaly. I found what I so desperately needed after going to the link you pointed out. Thank you. With my whole heart, just...thank you.
God bless you, my friend.  :HeartThrob: :HeartThrob: :HeartThrob:

sparrow