Keeping secrets and little white lies

[DC]

I am 24 years old, but I'm still living with my parents.  Today I had a minor fender-bender.  I had just gotten a text message and I wanted to see who it was (I know better than to text and drive, by the way.). My eyes were only off the road for about a split second, but in that split second the woman in front of me came to a stop and I rear-ended her.  There was no major damage to either car and no one got hurt.  I apologized and tried to explain what happened, but she was in a very bad mood and called the police.  Now this grouchy lady wants to see me in court, but I'm going to request a plea by mail.

I do NOT want my parents to find out about this.  I think I'm old enough to take care of these things by myself.  My mother is still very overprotective of me.  I've gotten tickets in the past for running red lights ( I suffer from adult ADD, but I've gotten alot better) and every time I tell her what happened it always leads to lots of yelling, lecturing, and stress, and then she'll be in a bad mood for the rest of the day.  In fact when the police man asked for my phone number I gave him my Cel phone number instead so that no one would call our house about this.

I feel a little guilty about one thing-while I was sitting in the car waiting for the police man to show up, my mom texted me and asked where I was, and I told her I was at wal-mart.  I know it's wrong to lie, but I really don't like confrontations and I try to avoid them whenever possible.

One other thing- the police man told me to call my car insurance company and report the accident.  The problem is that, although the car technically belongs to me, the insurance is still in my dad's name and I don't know what company to call.  Is there any way to find that out without having to tell my parents?  Maybe if i called the DMV and gave them my license number they'd be able to tell me?

But what I really want to know is, is there anything morally wrong with keeping it a secret like this?  I've asked the Lord to forgive me for my little white lie, and I'm not going to keep this a secret forever, I will tell them the truth after I feel enough time has passed, but for now I just want to take care of it as quietly and tension free as possible.

[Cardinal]

 :cloud9: I understand you not wanting to tell your parents, but you gotta do what you gotta do. I would imagine it would be better to tell them at the beginning and get it over with, than let them hear it from someone else, or even from you way after the fact. Parents are like that.  :winkgrin:

And I hate to further burst your bubble, but if the insurance is in his name, the insurance company will notify him, after hers notifies yours, and possibly raise his rate, which will also involve an explanation. If she's ticked off, she probably called her insurance company within minutes of driving away (hopefully not on HER cell phone)  :winkgrin:, if she didn't do it right on the spot. However, your proof of insurance is normally kept in your glovebox, if your dad didn't give you a little card to carry in your wallet.

Also, not saying this is her motive, but if it was a no damage wreck and she STILL wants to see you in court, the possibility exists that she is planning on claiming some physical injury to get a settlement. I read where there are actually people out there, that are stopping suddenly to be rear-ended, JUST for that reason, because of the joblessness situation.

Now finally, as a mom of 3 text-ers......PUT DOWN THAT CELL PHONE and no one gets hurt......literally!  :laughing7: Blessings to you.....

[DC]

Well, if that's the case, I guess I should at least tell my dad so he can help me out.  But I still don't want my mom to know because she worries about me all the time and this will just cause her lots of stress and worry.

Maybe the wal-mart lie wasn't exactly the best thing to do, but I think that sometimes even the most moral people come up with little white lies in difficult situations like these.  When I was a kid our cat got run over and my mom told us she ran away and didn't tell us the truth until years later, so she's no better.  I think these things happen to all of this.

I mean, when they said that all liars would be thrown into the Lake of Fire, they weren't talking about things like this, were they?  Because even if the Lake of Fire is temporary it's still a place I want to avoid.

[shawn]

Cardinal just gave you very good advice.  Just come clean, take your mothers lip and let it be done.  I would even apologize to your mother for lying to her.  There is no such thing as a "white lie".  There is truth and then there are lies.

I understand your hesitancy to tell your parents.  Been there, done that.  I bet you are at that age where you want to be seen as a grown adult but they still treat you like a kid at times.  If you want to be treated like an adult you must first act like one in all your affairs.  Adults own up to their actions even when it is tough to do so.

As for secrets.  This is a tougher subject.  Are there things that I have done in my past that I haven't told anyone but the Lord about?  Yes.  This is just my opinion but I ask myself why am I keeping this to myself?  Am I trying to avoid negative consequences?  Would it benefit others to know this about me?  Would it hurt others if I told them?  These questions help me when deciding what to keep to myself and what to share with others.  If I am telling someone about something only to relieve my conscience, but it will only hurt the other person...bringing no benefit to them...I keep it to myself.  If I have done something to hurt someone and I think them knowing would help with healing of the relationship, or help them in general I am compelled to tell them.  I know I have had to tell my wife some things I had done in secret.  Wow, was that painful.  But, it helped not only me but she appreciated my honesty, in time trusted me more, and then was able to hold me accountable. 

We have all been there.  Maturity in these situations doesn't come overnight.  I still struggle in this area at times.  Let your conscience, not your fear be your guide.

[shawn]

Well, if that's the case, I guess I should at least tell my dad so he can help me out.  But I still don't want my mom to know because she worries about me all the time and this will just cause her lots of stress and worry.

Maybe the wal-mart lie wasn't exactly the best thing to do, but I think that sometimes even the most moral people come up with little white lies in difficult situations like these.  When I was a kid our cat got run over and my mom told us she ran away and didn't tell us the truth until years later, so she's no better.  I think these things happen to all of this.

I mean, when they said that all liars would be thrown into the Lake of Fire, they weren't talking about things like this, were they?  Because even if the Lake of Fire is temporary it's still a place I want to avoid.

A lie, doesn't make you a liar.  You are a child of God.  Repent, ask forgiveness and when tempted to lie again...don't.

[thinktank]

I think you got to tell your dad, because he own the insurance, if he didn't own the insurance I don't see why they would need to know, especially if all they do is argue with you and accomplish nothing but negativity.

[Beloved Servant]

Keeping a secret will just keep you in bondage to it and you can not be free and bound at the same time.

[shawn]

Keeping a secret will just keep you in bondage to it and you can not be free and bound at the same time.

I think there is great truth in that.  I would say though this area isn't black and white.  For instance, should we tell everyone we meet our deepest secrets?  Probably not.  So, who are we supposed to reveal these kinds of things to?

We have a saying in my circle of support.  Secrets make you sick.  You will only get as well as you are willing to be honest.

So, if I feel that I have done wrong, I believe it always needs to be revealed.  Confiding in another human being sheds light on that area and starts the process of freedom from that action.  But, that doesn't mean it must be revealed to the most direct human being involved.  Many times it does but if it will only hurt, and not help that individual revealing that truth is a selfish act.  But, if you keep it a secret it will eat you up.

That's why we have sponsors.  It's why I think everyone needs to be in AA even if you are not a recovering alcoholic.  I'm only kinda joking.  :bigGrin:

[Paul Hazelwood]

I am 24 years old, but I'm still living with my parents.  Today I had a minor fender-bender.  I had just gotten a text message and I wanted to see who it was (I know better than to text and drive, by the way.). My eyes were only off the road for about a split second, but in that split second the woman in front of me came to a stop and I rear-ended her.  There was no major damage to either car and no one got hurt.  I apologized and tried to explain what happened, but she was in a very bad mood and called the police.  Now this grouchy lady wants to see me in court, but I'm going to request a plea by mail.

I do NOT want my parents to find out about this.  I think I'm old enough to take care of these things by myself.  My mother is still very overprotective of me.  I've gotten tickets in the past for running red lights ( I suffer from adult ADD, but I've gotten alot better) and every time I tell her what happened it always leads to lots of yelling, lecturing, and stress, and then she'll be in a bad mood for the rest of the day.  In fact when the police man asked for my phone number I gave him my Cel phone number instead so that no one would call our house about this.

I feel a little guilty about one thing-while I was sitting in the car waiting for the police man to show up, my mom texted me and asked where I was, and I told her I was at wal-mart.  I know it's wrong to lie, but I really don't like confrontations and I try to avoid them whenever possible.

One other thing- the police man told me to call my car insurance company and report the accident.  The problem is that, although the car technically belongs to me, the insurance is still in my dad's name and I don't know what company to call.  Is there any way to find that out without having to tell my parents?  Maybe if i called the DMV and gave them my license number they'd be able to tell me?

But what I really want to know is, is there anything morally wrong with keeping it a secret like this?  I've asked the Lord to forgive me for my little white lie, and I'm not going to keep this a secret forever, I will tell them the truth after I feel enough time has passed, but for now I just want to take care of it as quietly and tension free as possible.

The fact that your parents are taking care iof that aspect of your life keeps you from having the moral right to a secret, that is just how it is.

If you were taking care of all your bills in your name and just lived at home, then your accident only affects you and not really your parents. When you talk about being 24 years old and can take care of yourself,  you are then contradicting that by then showing you niot taking care of yourself, mom and dad still take care iof part of your life.  Your accident will affect them indirectly,  if the rates go up and your parents inquire as to why, they are going to find out about the accident then there will be more tension and noise that you are not going to be able to sweep under the rug.

As I told my own kids, if what you do affects me and your mother then speak the truth because if we catch you in a lie, the storm is not something you want to endure. 

[Cardinal]

 :cloud9: :thumbsup:

[DC]

Okay, I'll tell her, but I'll wait until I'm 100% sure that I'm not getting any points off my license.