“Woe unto you also, ye lawyers! for ye lade men with burdens grievous to be borne.” ——Jesus, Luke 11:46, The Bible
“The more laws, the more law-breakers.” ——Author Unknown
“Only Lawyers and mental defectives are automatically exempt for jury duty.” ——George Bernard Shaw
“An incompetent lawyer can delay a trial for months or years. A competent lawyer can delay one even longer.” ——Evelle Younger
“The only difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road is that there are skid marks around the skunk.” ——Patrick Murray
“There are three reasons why lawyers are replacing rats as laboratory research animals. One is that they are plentiful, another is that lab assistants don’t get so attached to them and the third is that they will do things that you just can’t get rats to do.” ——Blanche Knott
“A Lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth.” ——Patrick Murray
“The one great principle of English law is to make business for itself.” ——Charles Dickens
“There are three sorts of lawyers – able, unable and lamentable.” ——Robert Smith Surtees
“When two dogs fight for a bone, and the third runs off with it, there’s a lawyer among the dogs.” ——German Proverb
“Lawyer, n. One skilled in the circumvention of the law.” ——Ambrose Bierce
“Lawyers and painters can soon make what’s black, white.” ——Proverb
“Lawyers spend a great deal of their time shoveling smoke.” ——Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
“It is unfair to believe everything we hear about lawyers, some of it might not be true.” ——Gerald F. Lieberman
“A good lawyer is a bad neighbor.” ——French Proverb
“If the laws could speak for themselves, they would complain of the lawyers.” ——Edward F. Halifax
“Divorce is a game played by lawyers.” ——Cary Grant
“Laws were made to be broken.” ——Christopher North
“Anybody who thinks talk is cheap should get some legal advice.” ——Franklin P. Jones
“Avoid lawsuits beyond all things; they pervert your conscience, impair your health, and dissipate your property.” ——Jean De La Bruyere
“A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table.” ——Jean Kerr
“The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.” ——W. C. Fields
“A man without money needs no more fear a crowd of lawyers than a crowd of pickpockets.” ——R. Rinkle
“By all reasonable measures, the American tort system is a disaster. It resembles a wealth-redistribution lottery more than an efficient system designed to compensate those injured by the wrongful actions of others.” ——David E. Bernstein
“We all know here that the law is the most powerful of schools for the imagination. No poet ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets the truth.” ——Jean Giraudoux
“Lawyers are always more ready to get a man into troubles than out of them.” ——William Goldsmith
“Lawyers are men whom we hire to protect us from lawyers.” ——Elbert Hubbard
“Lawyer: 1. A person who takes this from that, with the result that That hath not where to lay his head. 2. An unnecessary evil. 3. The only man in whom ignorance of the law is not punished.” ——The Roycroft Dictionary and Book of Epigrams, 1923
“There is a general prejudice to the effect that lawyers are more honourable than politicians but less honourable than prostitutes. That is an exaggeration.” ——Alexander King
“Law students are trained in the case method, and to the lawyer everything in life looks like a case.” ——Edward Packard, Jr.
“The minute you read something and you can’t understand it, you can be sure it was written by a lawyer. Then, if you give it to another lawyer to read and he don’t know just what it means, then you can be sure it was drawn up by a lawyer. If it’s in a few words and is plain, and understandable only one way, it was written by a non-lawyer.” ——Will Rogers
“Whoever tells the best story wins.” ——John Quincy Adams
“Lawyers should never marry other lawyers. This is called ‘inbreeding,’ from which comes idiot children and more lawyers.” ——Kip Lurie, Adam’s Rib, 1949
“Make crime pay. Become a Lawyer.” ——Will Rogers
“A man may as well open an oyster without a knife, as a lawyer’s mouth without a fee.” ——Barton Holyday
“Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.” ——Ambrose Bierce
“A lawyer is a learned gentleman who rescues your estate from your enemies and keeps it to himself.” ——Henry Brougham
“When dictators and tyrants seek to destroy the freedoms of men, their first target is the legal profession and through it the rule of law.” ——Leon Jaworski
“Judge – A law student who marks his own examination papers.” ——H. L. Mencken
“America is the paradise of lawyers.” ——David Brewer
“I never met a litigator who did not think that he was winning the case right up to the moment when the guillotine came down.” ——William Baxter
“Do as adversaries do in law, strive mightily, but eat and drink as friends.” ——William Shakespeare
“Lawyers earn a living by the sweat of browbeating others.” ——James Gibbons Huneker
“Lawyer: An individual whose principal role is to protect his clients from others of his profession.” ——Author Unknown
“Lawyers are the only persons in whom ignorance of the law is not punished.” ——Jeremy Bentham
“I think we may class the lawyer in the natural history of monsters.” ——John Keats
“Lawyers are like rhinoceroses: thick skinned, short-sighted, and always ready to charge.” ——David Mellor
“A man who never graduated from school might steal from a freight car. But a man who attends college and graduates as a lawyer might steal the whole railroad.” ——Theodore Roosevelt
“The number of lawyers employed by the Federal government has grown rapidly over the years and appears to be continuing to increase. Between 1954 and 1970, the number of self-employed lawyers in the U.S. increased by 19% while the number of lawyers in the Federal government increased by 108% and the number employed by state government increased by 167%.” ——Richard L. Abel
“Ignorance of the law excuses no man — from practicing it.” ——Addison Mizner
“A lawsuit is a fruit tree planted in a lawyer’s garden.” ——Italian Proverb
“Next to the confrontation between two highly honed batteries of lawyers, jungle warfare is a stately minuet.” ——Bill Veeck
“Of course people are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers instead of their conscience be their guides.” ——Will Rogers
“There are more lawyers in just Washington, D.C. than in all of Japan. They’ve got about as many lawyers as we have sumo-wrestlers.” ——Lee Iacocca
“Lawyer: One who defends you at the risk of your pocketbook, reputation and life.” ——Eugene E. Brussell
“Everyone ought to take every opportunity to blast lawyers.” ——Marlin Fitzwater
“If you laid all of our laws end to end, there would be no end.” ——Mark Twain
“In almost every case, you have to read between the lies.” ——Angie Papadakis
“When there is a rift in the lute, the business of the lawyer is to widen the rift and gather the loot.” ——Arthur G. Hayes
“Litigation is the basic legal right which guarantees every corporation its decade in court.” ——David Porter
“Some men are heterosexual and some men are bisexual and some men don’t think about sex at all…you know, they become lawyers.” ——Woody Allen
“This is what has to be remembered about the law; beneath that cold, harsh, impersonal exterior beats a cold, harsh, impersonal heart.” ——David Frost
“I used to be a lawyer, but now I am a reformed character.” ——Woodrow Wilson
“In the Halls of Justice, the only justice is in the halls.” ——Lenny Bruce
“I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is called a disgrace, two men are called a law firm, and three or more become a Congress.” ——John Adams, in the play 1776
“Law, being a tyrant, compels many things to be done contrary to nature.” ——Plato
“Most lawyers who win a case advise their clients, ‘We have won,’ and when justice has frowned upon their cause…’You have lost.'” ——Louis Nizer
“I have spent all my life under a Communist regime, and I will tell you that a society without any objective legal scale is a terrible one indeed. But a society with no other scale but the legal one is not quite worthy of man either.” ——Alexander Solzhenitsyn, Russian Author
“The law is above the law, you know.” ——Dorothy Salisbury Davis
“In law, nothing is certain but the expense.” ——Samuel Butler
“The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.” ——William Shakespeare, King Henry VI
“Imagine the appeals and dissents if lawyers had written the Ten Commandments.” ——Harry Bender
“A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.” ——Benjamin Franklin
“The only way you can beat the lawyers is to die with nothing.” ——Will Rogers
“The only thing I expect out of lawyers is that they be back in their coffins by sunup.” ——F. Ross Johnson, former CEO of RJR Nabisco
“The law is an ass.” ——Charles Dickens
“Don’t expect other nations to have a democracy like ours – they don’t have enough lawyers.” ——Cullen Hightower
“It is the trade of lawyers to question everything, yield nothing, and talk by the hour.” ——Thomas Jefferson
“Most attorneys practice law because it gives them a grand and glorious feeling. You give them a grand – and they feel glorious.” ——Milton Berle
“The trial lawyer does what Socrates was executed for: making the worse argument appear the stronger.” ——Judge Irving Kaufman
“When plunder becomes a way of life for a group of men living together in society, they create for themselves in the course of time a legal system that authorizes it and a moral code that glorifies it.” ——Frédéric Bastiat (1801-1850), French economist, statesman and author
“Laws create law-breakers. More laws create more law-breakers.” ——Gary Amirault
“Fewer laws, fewer lawyers and fewer politicians. That would be good for the US of A.” ——Gary Amirault
“In a state where corruption abounds laws must be numerous.” ——Cornelius Tacitus, historian, 95 A.D.