I think the best way to introduce myself to this community of believers is to give my testimony; that way not only do you get to know about me but you receive joy at the fact that God is working in Jesus to reconcile the world to himself.
So I'll begin just before the beginning.
One day I was in my back garden smoking a cigarette. Previous to this I had become addicted to various substances (cannabis, caffeine, nicotine, and MDPV (dopamine re-uptake inhibitor) which I had been using to make me practise guitar and write a lot) and as a result was becoming very manic. I think during this - actually I'm sure of it - that God was revealing himself to me or at least doing the groundwork. I think this because I had become very excited about a discovery I had made which was that the basic unit of information consists of 3 separate parts:
Something connects to something else - x - y.
In language this: Subject predicate object. This was the essential realisation behind Chomsky's universal language theory.
I had become very excited about this because it meant that you could teach anyone anything because all you had to do was break the thing that you were teaching apart into its basic blocks and those blocks - irrespective of the subject - were incredibly simple.
After God showed himself to me and turned me to him I came to realise that it was his signature (1 John 5:7 - 8). It is even in DNA; every link is nucleotide connected to another nucleotide A - T or G - C. If you look the number 3 is everywhere because it is fundamental.
So one day I was in my garden smoking a cigarette. I have to include one more thing before I come to my conversion. On the same day that I was in my garden smoking I had gone to see some Christian friends of mine who are a married couple - one of them had been my teacher at college. My teacher's wife talked with me about what I had realised but I think my teacher sowed the seed. He said "If your philosophy isn't from God it will fall".
So that night I was smoking a cigarette. At the time I wasn't even looking for God - I was happy thinking that reality came from man and that man was spiritual so you didn't need to posit another spiritual being to explain existence. As I was smoking I became aware of - here words fail me but I will try - what I can only think of as love. I was ashamed before this love and all i could think was "Sorry". It wasn't so much sorry for doing something to someone or something else but sorry that I had been doing it to myself. That isn't really sufficient but it will have to do. The sorrow wasn't a normal sorrow.
After that I just knew that he'd already forgiven me and then there was something inside me. I liken it to a triangle spinning but that doesn't really describe it. It was like everything bad in me was being chucked out or, as I think now is more suitable, burned away.
The next day I stopped everything. There was no longer any desire to do anything I had done before.
More things happened after this I was sectioned for 2 weeks but was released because I appealed. I stopped taking the medication when I was released and within a 3 - 4 months of being released my psychiatric nurse said that if it was up to him he would say that I no longer needed him. He also agreed that it was probably due to the sudden withdrawal from so many things that caused me to go over the edge a bit. I could go into this more if you wanted to hear how God gave me an intense peace in that place. I think he put me there so that I would rely upon him and not on myself. But I have to go and give my dogs a walk for my dad so I'll just post this for now.