"I truly believe your natural mind is fighting with your spiritual being for control. I believe God wants to reveal his true nature to you but history, the teachings and abuses of man have you bound. It's keeping you from experiencing his fullness."
Well, yeah, I've often felt that my natural mind was fighting with my spiritual being for control and it's totally killing me. "Who will deliver from the body of this death?" I will never understand why the Lord chose such a salvation process. Is that really what He wants? His children becoming walking battlefields? I'm sick and tired of my flesh and spirit fighting it out. That in and of itself is torture. I just wish I knew how to murder that thing living inside me, which the Bible calls natural mind. Then the problem would be solved for good, because my spirit would finally be free to progress faster in the Lord. The natural mind is a cancer, a poison, just like that aging, decaying, mortal body my soul is forced to live in. Did you know that as soon as a human being is born, his cells starts to deteriorate? We are living souls living in decaying, dying bodies. And I have to live with the horror of that reality everyday. I am a living soul trapped in a rotting, decaying, dying flesh prison. Why, Lord, why? And as if that wasn't enough, there's sickness, malady, physical pain, and death (more often than not, painful). Why the Lord leaves us to live in such a state of fragility and vulnerability is beyond my understanding. Why not remedy to it? Sometimes, I can't help but think: "Does God really love us or does He just pity us?" How many times in my life will I have to ask the oh so important and still unanswered question: "Why, Lord, Why?" before I start getting answers? And I hate my natural mind and I wish I could utterly destroy it because it keeps me from understanding many spiritual things and it always try to hinder my walk with God. You think God wants to reveal His true nature to me? But the fact is, God is just way too big and way too holy for any human to receive the revelation of His true nature and stay sane. Why do you think He concealed or covered Himself when speaking to people in the OT? Things became different when He came here on earth, in the flesh, because His human flesh concealed or covered His true nature and people could actually look at Him without going blind or insane. The Bible says that no one can see God and live. I don't think God will ever reveal His true nature to anyone in this life. The finite mind wouldn't comprehend it and such revelation would make a man go insane. That's what most people say anyway and I think it's true...
"I believe God wants to reveal his true nature to you but history, the teachings and abuses of man have you bound. It's keeping you from experiencing his fullness. God is not a bully, nor is he an ogre. Does he correct? Certainly. But, it's to steer you, to shape you in order to bring you closer...not to seperate you. I believe your image of God is still greatly distorted and that is going to take some healing that only God can bring into your life. A healthy fear of God is a good thing, but when that healthy fear turns into a chronic anxiety that leads to trying to stave off God's fury...you end up with a relationship with the law.
Michelle, God loves you deeply. He isn't out to get you. He isn't hiding behind the bushes hoping to catch you doing something wrong so he can slap your hands."
Being an extremist doesn't lead anywhere good, you know. The ETs consider fear of God to be a great and useful thing, the Christian Universalists seem to consider it to be a very bad thing to be avoided. But there's a middle ground you know. I think God can use fear to an extent to bring about good things and I don't think fear is entirely a bad thing. Also, being corrected and chastized is a fearful thing:
"THE LIVING GOD FEARFUL.
"It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God."--Heb.x:31
To fall into the hands of God, the living God, is as when (I Sam. v:6) "the hand of the Lord was heavy," and "the hand of the Lord was against the Philistines."
"It denotes the judgments of God falling on the sinful. It is fearful to merit and receive those penalties. God has a merciful purpose in them, but they are often fearful to experience. We are always in God's hands, but we are said to "fall into" his hands when we suffer the consequences of sinfulness. It is a fearful thing to merit and receive the results of wickedness, even though a beneficent purpose moulds them, just as an amputation is a fearful process to undergo, though it may save life and restore health."http://www.tentmaker.org/books/BibleThreateningsExplained.html#14
Maybe, as you said, history, the teachings and abuses of man have me bound, somehow, but I seriously doubt that fear is entirely a bad thing. And that's from someone who hates being scared. But what happened last night left me with a new understanding of fear. That it wouldn't last, that peace and love would always follow, that God's mercy really endures forever, and that it wasn't entirely a bad thing because when God is displeased and angry, He will never refuse to make peace with someone who ask for peace and the fear I experienced on that night taught me two important things. One, When God is displeased, He will always lead people to repentance (I cried out to Him and asked for His help). Two, the consequences of sin are often fearful to experience as the "Bible threatening explained" article says, so it is only natural that it causes a certain amount of fear.
Also, something else recently happened to me that is bothering me. When I received the revelation of truth from the Holy Spirit and embraced Christian Universalism, I was filled with God's love to overflow and that peace that passes all understanding, and that joy, and true happiness for once. I was not only filled with His love for me, but with His love for all mankind. I truly loved all mankind. I was so filled and intoxicated with His love that I walked in a state of contentment and pure ecstasy or great inner peace for a time. It lasted a few days, then it subsided. As Gary put it:
"For the next three days after this incident I walked this earth in what seemed to me to be perfect love. I think it was absolutely impossible for me during that time to hate anyone, not even the most evil person I could think of. I felt like a small child holding on to the back of Jesus, looking at the world through His eyes, hearing with His ears, and loving with His heart. For three days this earth was paradise. Everything was beautiful. All the awful people were gone. Now you have to understand there were a lot of people I hated during that time of my life. I had become extremely prejudice and quick to write off people in general.
For several days thereafter, but especially the first three days, there was a love operating in me which either blinded me from seeing the awful side of people or dispelled some power in me which made me perceive people in a way different from what they really were. Whatever was going on, I had genuine love and concern for people to whom I would not normally give the time of day. Something totally not me was going on inside of me.
After three days of intense perfect love, there seemed to be a gradual decrease until by the eighth day, I felt almost like my normal self. That was awful!! I didn't know how I was going to live with myself the way I used to be, having experienced life in such a glorious way. What a downer! Having been an atheist all my life, I really had very little exposure to religion. I had no idea what was going on. I knew that I needed help. Whatever I experienced, I wanted to go back to that state."http://www.tentmaker.org/testimonials/GaryAmirault.html
Some people say we shouldn't trust our feelings, but how are you supposed to keep living with your normal self when you have experienced this? Why doesn't it last forever? I want that back! Not anyone in their right mind wouldn't want that back! How can I convince God to do it again and make it last forever? I nearly lost my mind when I lost this. After experiencing this and losing it, I went through a painful emotional shock and it truly felt like separation from God. Maybe that was what my dream or vision was about. You said our dreams could be our subconscience working out unresolved anxieties. It's also proved that our dreams can be related to the traumas we went through. I dunno. I could speculate indefinitely because I have no idea what that dream or visions really means. I somehow know that I was never separated from God after this "experience", that it is only an "impression". But it just feels so real that it's killing me. I have to get that back at all costs. I cannot love mankind with ordinary, weak, human love. I cannot feel alive and fully believe the promises of scriptures without that supernatural, divine and infinite love for mankind. Once you have experienced this and you lose it, you feel dead inside. You might hurt, cry and feel depressed, but you feel utterly dead. Oh, to love all of mankind through Him again. Oh, to feel so close to the Master. To be so one with Him that you can't tell where you begin and where He ends and the other way around. *Sobbing*
Everyday I hunger and thirst for more of Him. When I had that dream or vision, I was so terrified of losing Him, of being separated from Him, even temporarily. I know that He will never leave me and that He loves me very much, I've felt it after I woke up from that dream or vision, but I wish I was always so very close to Him and always love everyone with HIS perfect love. I want that to last forever. I have to ge that back. Life is nothing and meaningless without that...
"A healthy fear of God is a good thing, but when that healthy fear turns into a chronic anxiety that leads to trying to stave off God's fury...you end up with a relationship with the law. We are to experience freedom, not another form of prison. Be more God conscious than sins conscious. Abide in relationship knowing you are accepted just the way you are...and find your rest."
People just can't do anything they want, Shawn. We can't say that we are accepted just the way we are and continue in sin. We are to live righteous and holy lives. We are to be examples to those who do not know Christ and not give them a reason to believe that we are "heretics" and "dreamers" as the ETs say. I'm very well aware that we can't do that in our own strength, that only Jesus can do it for us, but it's no reason to continue in sin. And without being legalists, we must strive to avoid sin and ask for Jesus' strength in doing so. I just wish He would cure me of my addiction to nicotine and cigarette. Of all the sins I've ever struggled with, It's the worst. Maybe only second to becoming obssess with studying UR material at the cost of neglecting my prayer life and my relationship with Him. He tried to get my attention for days and I ignored Him. Why do I always have to be so stupid? I can't do that again, not ever. I hate myself for hurting Jesus. I hate myself everytime I hurt Him, but it just keep happening. I want so bad to be perfect to Him and for Him.