I cannot help but wonder if Salvation is an automatic event that happens in a second, or a process that could take a long time. Since I believe I am still in the refining process. I remember when I first dropped my Fundamentalist Catholic thinking, in the middle of Art History Class, and was overwhelmed by this extreme sense of peace. I ended up creating for myself some shapeless spirituality, kind of Agnostic, kind of Catholic, but mostly had spiritual beliefs based on secular Psychology(I had suffered from an anxiety disorder, which made me fearful of hell). The good thing was, I could sleep at night, and actually enjoy myself and friends without a lingering fear of hell, but was very frightened about the subjects of evil, sin, or the Devil. I did regain some supernatural spirituality when some misfortunate events happened that my Secular Psychology Spirituality could not help me with. After Christmas I had returned back to my secular psychology spirituality. However that still left me without explanation on many things like NDE's, 2012, and my post-Christmas blues. A week before my new term began, I started coming across a lot of Universalist material, while desperately trying to find natural explanations to refute these Hellfire visions. I finally decided to take a look at this material on Universalism, and was shocked to find all these scriptures indicating universal Salvation that I had completely overlooked, or was only looking at it in light of ET bias. However I was still in between with considering Annihilation as also a valid belief. Then I turned away from any traditionalist beliefs, but always had this fear lurking that maybe ET was true, and my beliefs were only a wish that could lead me into hell. I feared any objections made about UR, and the defenses for ET. But then many scriptures started to make sense to me, such as false prophets, persecution, heresy, and the little flock. The more I read, the more convinced I became. However it was for the most part only in a very intellectual way. I knew that the bible taught that man sins, Jesus came and died to save us from death and sin. Many people have to endure judgment. Then everyone will be saved. And I could definitely relax. However I still had a strong dislike for the Church Systems. I believed that the whole church system was foul, and actually feared it. But the only thing that seemed important to me was that there is no Eternal Torment. Eventually, I was able to make some "Friends" at school, even though I was not really close with anyone at all. I found these so called friendships real. Remember, after becoming ET hardened, anything seems better than the thought of ET, and the possibility of not making it. I started to do some productive activity, like cooking, and painting in order to perform maintenance on my GAD. By the time Summer arrived, I went off Zoloft in order to battle GAD without aid, and that could be at times very scary. Fundamentalist mythology easily bothered me. I often became easily angered, especially on matters concerning Religion and Politics, while remembering what I went through. I did start making real friendships, with some of my sisters friends, and became more softer eventually leading to some confusion and depression realizing that many of her friends, and herself would be going off to college. But life still had very little flare for me. All I could see was pure negativity in economic, political, and religious matters. Humor was not something on my mind. I decided I needed some PsychoTherapy to find out the underlying issues. Towards the end of the summer, I wastarting to become my old self again. While playing a particular videogame, I had some nostalgia for a time when religion didnt affect me the way they did. I remember enduring one final roughspot when I had to see off my sister and my new friends off to college, and the fact that I was going back to school with nothing but memories of the previous schoolyear battling GAD, and my extremely bland personal life of just attempting to settle. I almost considered dropping out, with that horrible memory on my mind. However I was able to control myself more, into not falling into making an idol out of school, and coming to reality of what was really best for me, which was not settling on these so called frienships. Many were very lust based, and gave me no true affectionate feelings. So I began to realize by accepting my purpose for being in school for an education, my personal life started getting stronger. Plus I had gone back on Zoloft after training myself to tackle anxiety without meds seemed to have made me a lot stronger, making the Meds more effective. I only had one more fear of ET after for some reason going under the impression that the UR verses were taken out of context. That same weekend, my uncle started feeling not so well, and on Monday was diagnosed with 30 brain tumors and 3-6 months to live. So that night, and the remaining week, I did some very intense praying, one that I had not done in a long time. It was hard at first. Eventually, I was at peace with my uncles condition. Plus UR became more real to me, and all that prejudice I had against the Church System and other religions melted away. I felt for the first time in over a year able to talk to priests, nuns, and read literature from other religions, philosophies, folklores without fear, while rightly dividing truth against the lies. Plus I no longer felt any prejudices against people because of their religion. But I do still have trouble with the Pharisee-like religious people, also known as Fundamentalists. And I have other sins I struggle with also.