Author Topic: My Ongoing Testimony  (Read 1683 times)

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Offline Lindy

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My Ongoing Testimony
« on: September 21, 2011, 12:16:14 PM »
I say ongoing because, obviously, I'm not physically dead yet!  :happygrin:

At fifty two, lots of years to cover, but I'll try to sum it up a bit so as not to hit anyone with a huge wall of text. Still, it seems important, at least for me, to be open about who I am, where I've come from, so others will better understand whatever I may say in the future.

Basics are that I was born in Nashville, Tn, December 21, 1958. When I was a year old, my dad went into the Navy, and we were transferred to Charleston, SC, where I spent the first ten years of my life.

This may sound weird, and I don't know how to say it without it sounding weird, but my earliest memories are taking a flashlight into my little closet, closing the door, shining the light on the wall, and talking to my angels. The light made the exact shape of the classic angel, wings and all, and though I knew it wasn't really an angel, for me as a child, it filled the gap. It was real for me. My mother and I went to a Baptist church for a while as I got a bit older, and I was baptized, didn't really know the details of salvation, just seemed right to do it.

Those first years were the only childhood I knew. When I was ten, my dad was transferred to Philadelphia, and my life went to hell.

I had to go to inner city schools, understand this was in the late sixties with all the civil rights riots going on. I had not been taught racism, but got a real crash course in it, being jumped by black gangs and terrorized in school. My younger brother and I would run like crazy to get home before they could catch us at a tunnel we had to go through. I went from being an A student to making D's, kinda hard to care about learning when you were afraid of being beat up!

Transferred again to Newport RI, and the real shocker was this...first day of school, the main girl who had targetted me was in this school! Found out later her dad was also in Navy. Bullying started again, to the point I almost had a breakdown at thirteen years of age. Doctors told my mother to send me home to Tennessee or she'd lose me, through suicide or complete mental breakdown from the stress.

So I went to live with my grandmother til my dad retired. Actually had a few decent school years, but I was never able to fully catch up from the lost years, always a struggle.

At sixteen, I accepted Jesus as my savior, and something strange happened. As I walked down the aisle, I heard a voice say, Come home, my child, come home, I have a work for you to do. Only time I've ever heard that voice, and there are no words to describe it. Such love, such depth of peace.

For several years, I was faithful, reading the bible, praying, going to church. Went for a time to an assemblies of God church, absolutely loved it there, loving people. Filled with the Holy Spirit, joyfully sang my heart out for God.

Then I got married, and it all went to crap again. Abuse, bullying, slammed into counters, spit on, screamed at, the usual. Moved to Georgia, away from my family, and it got worse, Five years of it. I struggled so hard to stay true to God in spite of it, sang in a gospel quartet even, but finally I could take no more.

Left, took my son with me, but he found me, beat me, took my son and left. The courts were totally rigged, good old boy network, the judge and his lawyer and his preacher dad met a couple of weeks before the court date and set it all up, something we only found out a few years ago. Lost my son, and I just shrivelled up. Where was God? How could this happen? How could He love me and let this happen, let me be beaten and terrorized and lose my child in such an unjust cruel way?

Spent the next few years struggling to survive, lost it all, wound up in a mission, got a crappy job and crappy apartment full of bugs, begged rides for a couple of years to go get my son for visitation, finally got a crappy car. Turned my back on church for many years, but not really God, I just tried to find another way, because all the churches told me I was going to hello for being divorced.

Looked into so many different religions, even tried Wicca for a couple of years, but nothing 'fit', it all smacked of being man made and false. Got married again, had another son, who had attention deficit disorder. Wound up divorced again, and gave up on marriage.

Almost tried it one more time, was engaged, got pregnant, then he decided to get into drugs. That did it for me. Believe it or not, I had Christians telling me I should get an abortion! No way! Glad I didn't, because I had the daughter I'd always secretly wished for.

Trying to sum it up, leaving out a lot, don't want to bore anyone, lol. So jumping ahead to the summer of 2005, my middle brother who was a truck driver came home, and went right into the hospital intensive care, diagnosed with lung cancer. We spent the next six months taking care of him as he went downhill. It was horrific watching him go through that, and it tore me up inside.

I was so angry at God, at how unfair it was that my brother was finally getting his life together and was now going to lose it. Terrified that all his years of rebellion and doing drugs were going to send him to hell, even though he did rededicate his life to Christ during that time. By some teachings, who knew if he really was saved, or if it was too late?

February 3, 2006, 4:40 p.m., sitting cross legged in the bed beside my brother, as he gasped and struggled and took his last breath. Maybe I'll go into more details on that some other day,so much happened, but for now, I'll just say a part of me died with him, a part of me is still to this day sitting in that bed holding his hand, rocking, telling him over and over and over and over again I love you I love you I love you!  He died, in some ways so did I.

I would gladly go through a million gang beatings and rape and anything else to have my brother back. None of the abuse and heartache I ever endured compared to that one moment in my life, losing him. There are no words for the sheer agony, the devastation, of losing my brother. I'm the oldest, I should go first, not him.

Through these past few years, God has slowly brought me back from the abyss. He led me here a few years ago. I've read but never commented, just soaked in what He taught me here, let it seep in to my heart, my soul, my mind. Now with a much more mature understanding of His love, I am opening up to others, to learn, to share, to grow.

Thanks for reading if you didn't fall asleep! And I'll close this by asking for prayers for my mother. She had lung cancer surgery five weeks ago, had to have another surgery two weeks ago to remove her gall bladder, and is still having serious problems. She has a pacemaker and is in her seventies, so this is very hard on her.

God bless.

Offline EdwardTulane82

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Re: My Ongoing Testimony
« Reply #1 on: September 26, 2011, 01:36:19 PM »
Thank you for sharing your story, Lindy. Wow, you've been through a lot... I mean, I've been through a lot of insanity and emotional agony in my short time thus far in this world, but not like that... one thing I think both of us have in common though is that we can both look back and say that God has brought us through those dark times, so He was somehow with us in them... sharing in our grief, sharing in our pain... and if that's true for everything we've gone through in the past, then it's true for everything we'll go through in the future... because Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. :)
I'll be praying for you and your mom whenever I think of you. :)

Grace and peace to you,

Matt
"The gospel is about our pain, and His love." - from a dream I had once
"The pain of humanity has become the pain of God." - Dr. Paul Brand
"The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in love."
"These things are impossible for man, but all things are possible with God."

Offline micah7:9

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Re: My Ongoing Testimony
« Reply #2 on: September 27, 2011, 12:37:32 AM »
Thank you for sharing your story, Lindy. Wow, you've been through a lot... I mean, I've been through a lot of insanity and emotional agony in my short time thus far in this world, but not like that... one thing I think both of us have in common though is that we can both look back and say that God has brought us through those dark times, so He was somehow with us in them... sharing in our grief, sharing in our pain... and if that's true for everything we've gone through in the past, then it's true for everything we'll go through in the future... because Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. :)
I'll be praying for you and your mom whenever I think of you. :)

Grace and peace to you,

Matt
:HeartThrob: :HeartThrob:
Mic 7:8  Thou dost not rejoice over me, O mine enemy, When I have fallen, I have risen, When I sit in darkness Jehovah is a light to me.

Offline jabcat

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Re: My Ongoing Testimony
« Reply #3 on: September 27, 2011, 12:56:17 AM »
Neither should there be vulgar speech, foolish talk, or coarse jesting--all of which are out of character--but rather thanksgiving.  Eph. 5:4  **  Saved 1John 3.2, Eph. 2:8, John 1:12 - Being saved 2Cor. 4:16 2Peter 3:18 - Will be saved 1Peter 1:5 Romans 8:23

PaoloNuevo

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Re: My Ongoing Testimony
« Reply #4 on: September 27, 2011, 01:40:49 AM »
Thanks for sharing Lindy, when we fall it is Jesus who restores us and picks us back up again. Godspeed.  :cloud9:

Offline Nathan

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Re: My Ongoing Testimony
« Reply #5 on: September 27, 2011, 11:25:22 PM »
Kinda brings much of our arguments back into perspective when reading someone's story such as this.  You have truly endured many, many trials, thank you for sharing your story and isn't it just like God that even though we may more complaints than answers, his grace still leads us to places where we can be refreshed and strengthened to continue moving forward.

My prayers go out to you and your family.

Offline Lindy

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Re: My Ongoing Testimony
« Reply #6 on: September 30, 2011, 06:31:43 AM »
thanks to all who posted, your support is truly appreciated as are your kind words. God bless! I'm still reading the posts here, but not being anywhere near qualified to contribute to the technical discussions, I'm just hanging around some and enjoying the info shared. Peace.

Offline redhotmagma

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Re: My Ongoing Testimony
« Reply #7 on: September 30, 2011, 04:05:38 PM »
thanks to all who posted, your support is truly appreciated as are your kind words. God bless! I'm still reading the posts here, but not being anywhere near qualified to contribute to the technical discussions, I'm just hanging around some and enjoying the info shared. Peace.

There's no qualifications to contribute.  We are all on the same level here, no elevated men on their pulpits (towers at babylon).  We are the body, Christ is the head of the body.

Offline Nathan

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Re: My Ongoing Testimony
« Reply #8 on: September 30, 2011, 04:10:38 PM »
I can only speak for myself, but I pray that those that do post on these threads are not out to make the rest feel like they have to go through a "qualification" in order to be heard.  I speak out of my heart as I'm pretty sure most all of the others do as well.  Much of what I have learned on these boards is how to better present myself in love without getting too caught up in the emotion of differences.  We are ALL at different levels of relationship, but it takes all different kinds to make up a "body".  I encourage you to share your passions with us that we may be bonded together with you and you with us in the love that God has placed in all of us as we walk this journey together.

You have a sweet nature about you and I pray that it rubs off on me . . .

Blessings.

Offline Lindy

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Re: My Ongoing Testimony
« Reply #9 on: October 03, 2011, 06:36:19 AM »
I can only speak for myself, but I pray that those that do post on these threads are not out to make the rest feel like they have to go through a "qualification" in order to be heard.  I speak out of my heart as I'm pretty sure most all of the others do as well.  Much of what I have learned on these boards is how to better present myself in love without getting too caught up in the emotion of differences.  We are ALL at different levels of relationship, but it takes all different kinds to make up a "body".  I encourage you to share your passions with us that we may be bonded together with you and you with us in the love that God has placed in all of us as we walk this journey together.

You have a sweet nature about you and I pray that it rubs off on me . . .

Blessings.

Thanks, you are very sweet to offer encouragement. 

While I do enjoy and learn from the posts here, I don't have the knowledge of Greek and Hebrew to include such in posts. The discussions here get very detailed, and there is nothing at all wrong with that, so don't for a moment feel I am criticizing.

It's just that my focus is more on the big picture, the personal side of things, not the letter of the law so to speak, the jots and tittles that scholars can list and detail in the bat of an eye. 

So if there is a heart based discussion, that is one I'd probably join in on, but the more scholarly ones, i am honest enough to know my limitations and have no desire to disrupt such a discussion. In the body of Christ, I'm definitely not the brain! I'm more likely the little toe, roflol!!!! hugs ya, it's all good! :D

Offline Molly

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Re: My Ongoing Testimony
« Reply #10 on: October 03, 2011, 08:10:18 AM »
Lindy, I'm the one that likes the Greek and the Hebrew, and not because I'm a 'scholar' but because I like the surprise in the Cracker Jacks box.

The Greek and Hebrew is always the surprise!

No need to let that deter you from joining any discussion on any level you want.

God is serving up a banquet!


agape
agape 2(-gp, g-p)
n.
1. Christianity Love as revealed in Jesus, seen as spiritual and selfless and a model for humanity.
2. Love that is spiritual, not sexual, in its nature.
3. Christianity In the early Christian Church, the love feast accompanied by Eucharistic celebration

Offline jabcat

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Re: My Ongoing Testimony
« Reply #11 on: October 03, 2011, 09:02:19 AM »
Lindy, I'm the one that likes the Greek and the Hebrew, and not because I'm a 'scholar' but because I like the surprise in the Cracker Jacks box.

The Greek and Hebrew is always the surprise!

No need to let that deter you from joining any discussion on any level you want.

God is serving up a banquet!


agape
agape 2(-gp, g-p)
n.
1. Christianity Love as revealed in Jesus, seen as spiritual and selfless and a model for humanity.
2. Love that is spiritual, not sexual, in its nature.
3. Christianity In the early Christian Church, the love feast accompanied by Eucharistic celebration

 :thumbsup:
Neither should there be vulgar speech, foolish talk, or coarse jesting--all of which are out of character--but rather thanksgiving.  Eph. 5:4  **  Saved 1John 3.2, Eph. 2:8, John 1:12 - Being saved 2Cor. 4:16 2Peter 3:18 - Will be saved 1Peter 1:5 Romans 8:23