When I had my breakdown over hell, I found myself all alone having not attended church in like 15 years. I had no one to turn to in my spiritual crisis except one Christian relative via email. So, I decided that I wanted to be part of a small interactive body with a fundamental expository Bible teacher/pastor. And I found exactly what I was looking for.
Problem is of course the pastor believes in ET, is against UR and made it clear that Lazarus and the Rich Man is NOT a parable (most of this via his biblical perspective radio call-in show). He's an absolutely fantastic Bible teacher by conventional standards and I like him and the rest of the body a lot. But I'm wondering now if I should stay or leave. Can a person be a closet UR and attend a fundamental church without being a hypocrite?
It's a good question, I do not have a lot to say about it because my conflict with the "establishment" goes beyond only the belief in an eternal hell.
However, I also need to have true friends that are going to understand where I am at. You can find this out through discussion group and speaking your mind. You will find whether they are your friends or whether there is an illusion of it as long as you march to their drum beat. I cannot within my own spirit fight depression and anxiety and pretend to believe something I do not believe.
If you do not speak your mind, it will be a assumed belief on the part of the people you are around in any church that you agree with them. How they view you and treat you is often shaped by what they think you believe. I feel very detached and lonely spiritually right now because of the lack of just being around a group of people that appear to care for me.
However, I know that pretending to believe something I do not caused far worse emotional problems for me and I will not return to that. If I ever go back into a church I will go, be who I am and I guess they can let me stay or kick me out.
For me, in how I want to be, I would be a hypocrite if I did not do that.