Author Topic: Do you ever um...  (Read 1117 times)

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Offline sparrow

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Do you ever um...
« on: July 03, 2009, 06:15:34 AM »
get freaked out and think that maybe you're totally delusional and there is no God.
no afterlife. or maybe things aren't what they seem.
Sometimes this happens to me and I get really fearful.
It's such a sad place to be.

Why so many moments of being on the mountaintops shouting for joy...
then suddenly you find yourself almost cowering, frightened and just wish you never even existed because you are scared that maybe God isn't who you think He is... or maybe NOTHIKNG is what you think it is?

 :sigh:

Why must fear sneak in and ruin things?
Sometimes I am so full of all goodness and there is NO FEAR at all.
Then other times, my imagination ventures into very frightening territory.

I think for me, "heaven" would be to never have fear ever again.
For fear to cease to exist forever.

It seems the older I get the less things I desire in heaven, I think.
Some days, I just long for no fear.
That's it.
If I could just have NO fear.

It's hard to open up about this.
It really is.
I don't want to say it out loud.
I'm AFRAID to say it out loud. (more fear!)  :sigh:

geesh. I sure am needy these days.
Not sure why I keep getting stuck in fear, ya'll.

How do you combat fear?  :dontknow:

Lots of time without much fear, now I'm bombarded and have been bombarded.

Maybe I have too much time on my hands.
My mind is thinking way too much.
Maybe that's all it is.
Maybe I just need to stop dwelling.
I don't know.
blah.
« Last Edit: July 03, 2009, 06:20:08 AM by sparrow »
"I knelt to drink,
And knew that I was on the brink
Of endless joy. And everywhere
I turned I saw a wonder there."

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Offline Beloved Servant

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Re: Do you ever um...
« Reply #1 on: July 03, 2009, 06:24:48 AM »


                                                Perfect love casts out all fear.

Offline sparrow

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Re: Do you ever um...
« Reply #2 on: July 03, 2009, 06:30:13 AM »


                                                Perfect love casts out all fear.

I know. That is what runs through my mind. But... then I think... well, who really said that? Is it real? Or is this all one big experiment and we're all just rats in some sort of cosmic  maze.

Is it REAL??? I get real freaked out.
Is this whole God thing just a set up?
What if "God" isn't who/what I think it is???????  :pitiful: :crywipe:


God...I long to be:    :dsunny:
and to just never depart from that ever again.

I hate the valleys.
"I knelt to drink,
And knew that I was on the brink
Of endless joy. And everywhere
I turned I saw a wonder there."

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Offline jabcat

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Re: Do you ever um...
« Reply #3 on: July 03, 2009, 06:32:37 AM »
Sometimes I doubt.  Sometimes I have to say God I believe, help my unbelief.  I do have times of fear and anxiety.  I think it must be part of our growing.  When our faith is challenged, we have to make a decision.  To believe, or to not believe.

I think if we can just keep our eyes and thoughts on how much He loves us, how He sees us much better than we see ourselves, and how He knows (and controls) how it all turns out...seeking Him...is probably at least part of how we obtain that love that casts out our fear.

God's blessing.
Looking unto Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith.  Heb. 12:2

Offline sparrow

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Re: Do you ever um...
« Reply #4 on: July 03, 2009, 06:34:03 AM »
For instance, I was watching this:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zkp9vfjS2BI


I felt all peaceful.
Then later, I had a total freak out meltdown.

and I kept asking...



IS IT REAL????
IS IT REAL???

And I clicked on my bible verses and this popped up:

Psalm 27:14
14 Wait for the Lord;
be strong, and let your heart take courage;
wait for the Lord!


And I am trying.
But... I just into this grip of fear.
Like I don't know what is real.
Like I can't TRUST it.
It's sad ya'll.
It really is just sad, man. I'm tellin ya.
"I knelt to drink,
And knew that I was on the brink
Of endless joy. And everywhere
I turned I saw a wonder there."

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Offline sparrow

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Re: Do you ever um...
« Reply #5 on: July 03, 2009, 06:34:46 AM »
Sometimes I doubt.  Sometimes I have to say God I believe, help my unbelief.  I do have times of fear and anxiety.  I think it must be part of our growing.  When our faith is challenged, we have to make a decision.  To believe, or to not believe.
I think if we can just keep our eyes and thoughts on how much He loves us, how He sees us much better than we see ourselves, and how He knows (and controls) how it all turns out...seeking Him...is probably at least part of how we obtain that love that casts out our fear.

God's blessing.

That's a good way of putting it, jabcat...
thank you.  :HeartThrob:
"I knelt to drink,
And knew that I was on the brink
Of endless joy. And everywhere
I turned I saw a wonder there."

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Offline jabcat

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Re: Do you ever um...
« Reply #6 on: July 03, 2009, 06:42:44 AM »
Thank you.  One of my main things is guilt; doubting, questioning.  Not letting things go into His hands, holding against myself what He's already forgiven. 

I think then of trust, just humbling myself before Him.  I'm reminded of Job, who said, "though God slay me, yet I will trust Him".  And of course, then all God slays is the things in us that separate us from Him, ever, always pulling us closer to His side.  Using all our weaknesses to prove His grace and strength is sufficient.  Just a little more at a time, He's showing me more and more that it's about Him and less about me.  It's His goodness, His strength, His love, His ability, His peace, His forgiveness, His power, His authority, His grace, His mercy, His sovereignty, His salvation.  All given to us, His children who the Father loves so much He gave His very Son.  This is HIS PLAN.

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!"  (Phillipians 4:4)
Looking unto Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith.  Heb. 12:2

Offline Beloved Servant

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Re: Do you ever um...
« Reply #7 on: July 03, 2009, 06:55:06 AM »
What is Faith? Hope? Love?

Offline reFORMer

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Re: Do you ever um...
« Reply #8 on: July 03, 2009, 07:16:47 AM »
Maybe death at work in our bodies causes a general dread, a cold sense of rejection and fear. I mostly ignore it; but, we also have these signs following us, we cast out devils. I awoke deep in the night and saw a very attractive spirit of fear going away from me.

Don't accept the reasonings according to the flesh. "For the disposition of the flesh is death, yet the disposition of the spirit is life and peace..." (Rm 8:6, CLT) Exercise in worship and praise, dancing, singing and the like normally dispells this malaise. "Draw nigh unto God and He will draw nigh unto you."
I went to church; but, the Church wasn't on the program!  JESUS WANTS HIS BODY BACK!!  MEET WITHOUT HUMAN HEADSHIP!!!

Offline Molly

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Re: Do you ever um...
« Reply #9 on: July 03, 2009, 07:49:35 AM »
Sparrow--have you ever kept a journal of all the wonderful things that you credit God with doing just for you?   I think we see him so clearly acting in our lives, but then a dry spell might hit, and we forget. That's what happened when Moses went up the mountain for a day too long, and they built the calf. 

 I trained myself a long time ago to be aware of things that I knew I could only give him credit for because they were just too impossible otherwise.  The more I became aware of these things, the more they happened.   I would never go into battle without him, especially because I am usually outnumbered 1000 to 1.   There is some principle at work here--the more we lean on him, the more he holds us up.  David knew this, and before he faced Goliath, he listed the ways God had been faithful to him in the past--so he knew he could expect more of the same.  You reach a point eventually where there just can be no more doubt--as any jury would say, [He IS] beyond a reasonable doubt.



1 Samuel 17:37
David said moreover, The LORD that delivered me out of the paw of the lion, and out of the paw of the bear, he will deliver me out of the hand of this Philistine. And Saul said unto David, Go, and the LORD be with thee.

Offline sparrow

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Re: Do you ever um...
« Reply #10 on: July 03, 2009, 08:45:51 AM »
Sparrow--have you ever kept a journal of all the wonderful things that you credit God with doing just for you?   I think we see him so clearly acting in our lives, but then a dry spell might hit, and we forget. That's what happened when Moses went up the mountain for a day too long, and they built the calf. 

 I trained myself a long time ago to be aware of things that I knew I could only give him credit for because they were just too impossible otherwise.  The more I became aware of these things, the more they happened.   I would never go into battle without him, especially because I am usually outnumbered 1000 to 1.   There is some principle at work here--the more we lean on him, the more he holds us up.  David knew this, and before he faced Goliath, he listed the ways God had been faithful to him in the past--so he knew he could expect more of the same.  You reach a point eventually where there just can be no more doubt--as any jury would say, [He IS] beyond a reasonable doubt.



1 Samuel 17:37
David said moreover, The LORD that delivered me out of the paw of the lion, and out of the paw of the bear, he will deliver me out of the hand of this Philistine. And Saul said unto David, Go, and the LORD be with thee.


God bless you, Molly.
I think maybe God just talked to me through you.
Yes, my sister... I sure do have a journal.
At first when I read that in the bold, I thought to myself "yeah, but when the fear happens and I go back struggling to grasp onto peace and I'm reading over my journal... it doesn't stick. It's just words, it doesn't touch my heart because I don't know if it is REAL!!! That's the whole point!! I don't know IF it is real...  :help: :pitiful: :Mcry: :Mcry:".
But then a second after I had that thought, I read the bold again...and something poked me as if to say "hey... it is real. why else would I have had Molly mention the journal?"

hmm. I will grasp this little shaft of light that just shined down, Molly.
Maybe hopefully this will strengthen me for awhile.
Thank you, sister.

and thank you everyone.

Hopefully I won't have another meltdown for awhile.  :faint:
love you guys...
your sis,
sparrow
"I knelt to drink,
And knew that I was on the brink
Of endless joy. And everywhere
I turned I saw a wonder there."

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Offline legoman

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Re: Do you ever um...
« Reply #11 on: July 04, 2009, 05:35:53 AM »
Sometimes I do have those feelings. 

Then I look at the bible.

- 66 books written by different authors over hundreds/thousands of years
- no one understands all of this book
- there seems to be many layers to this book - a physical meaning and a spiritual meaning to everything - a shadow of things to come
- all containing one cohesive message of universal restoration
- yet this message of universal restoration is barely known
- because it has been cleverly mistranslated to (somewhat) assert the idea of eternal torment

How would that be coordinated if it wasn't all inspired by God?

Then I look at creation.
- we exist
- everywhere in nature and the universe you will find amazing order and arrangement
- we can observe the 2nd law of thermodynamics, which states all systems tend to disorder unless work is applied to the system

So, who is it who did the "work" to this "system" so that it had order to begin with?

The scientist in me says God exists!

Then there is the revealing of Himself in your life.  For me, I didn't notice it until He revealed universal restoration to me.  Although looking back I can see there were other times where I didn't understand...

How it happened for me: I was worried about taking the mark of the beast when the NWO took over... thus condemning myself to the lake of fire for eternity.  So I prayed to God to please explain it to me and let me know I would be safe.  And a few weeks later I stumbled onto UR!


martincisneros

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Re: Do you ever um...
« Reply #12 on: July 04, 2009, 11:01:06 AM »
What is Faith? Hope? Love?
I'll take you through the really long Bible study sometime if it seemed good to both you and the Holy Spirit, but briefly: faith, hope, and love are biproducts of the Written Word becoming a revelation in the heart, preferrably through the preached Word, whether it's your hearing it from others or your own preaching to yourself in the way that David preached to Saul and Goliath as a true Pentecostal at heart.  Dude could/can preach!  Firey little red head/beard!!

But besides being biproducts of the Word, they're also quality-decisions that are made about which there is no further argument and from which there is no retreat.  Romans 4 says Abraham wouldn't even go there with you about how old he or Sarah were.  Wouldn't even go there!!  But became strong in faith and hope giving glory to God, and when he had patiently endured, he inherited the promise.  Other passages that could be brought up about it being just as much an act of the will as of the Spirit.  There's tons and tons of books on that when it comes to agape being an act of the will that will activate your spirit that's been recreated in His image by the Blood and Priestly ministry of Jesus Christ at work in your life through God's grace, but hope and faith are as much responsibilities as gifts as well.  We're accountable for how vibrantly alive they grow in us by what we give our attention, most dominant words that we speak to, and how yielded we are to the promises of God's Written Word for our lives. 

A lot of people try to talk about yielding to the Holy Spirit and some of the sovereignty folks would balk at that, and it's one of the few areas where I'd genuinely agree with them all day long.  We submit ourselves to God's redemptive promises in His Written Word expecting Him to glorify His Name in the land of the living by what He makes of our characters in the process of walking out His Covenants and what after we've patiently endured in doing His Will that He decides to make us wealthier with than the dreams of avarice as we become Christ Jesus in the fullest sense of the transfiguring work of His Spirit in our lives according to Romans 8, Ephesians 4, and countless other passages.  Our responsibility is abiding in the Written Word, on the side of the resurrection of all things rather than in false humility trying to identify with the curse in rebellion against God.  That's our part.  His part, after we've refused to identify with the damnation of this world, [rightly discerning His/Our Bread and Cup,] is the green pastures and still waters, the deliverance from the valley of the shadow of death, helping us to keep the commandment that we shall not want, and making sure to it that goodness and mercy follow us all of the days of our lives as all men are drawn to us all of the days of our lives because we are the house of the Lord forever. 

Paths of righteousness for His Name's sake were very wealthy paths in the lives of Adam, Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Jabez, Job, Boaz, David, Solomon, Jesus' parents (his earthly father is said to have been THE carpenter), Jesus (who was given very very heavy amounts of gold, frankinscence, and myrrh at his birth, perhaps a ton or more by a carivan of over 50 to 300 wise men), His Apostles, etc.  Takes a whole lot of religion to miss how wealthy those men were in the Scriptures.  And the wealthiest men of God in the history of the world are not going to have been produced by the Old Covenant, but by the New.  If Jesus is a greater than Solomon and you're in Christ, then....if the least in the Kingdom is greater than John the Baptist who was the greatest of the Old Covenant according to Jesus...  Solomon ought to pass out if he ever saw your Psalm 112 lifestyle of faith, hope, and love, like the Queen of Sheba got light-headed over what little he had by comparison with a Covenant that's sworn in the Blood of God that says that all things are yours!!

Tim B

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Re: Do you ever um...
« Reply #13 on: July 07, 2009, 10:20:00 AM »
Awww, Sparrow! Don't be down! Seeing you sad makes me sad too. But honestly, it's at times like these, when I see myself loving and caring for others, and when others care for others, that I KNOW that LOVE IS TRUE. Whatever happens in this life, love will never cease. It will never fail.

Sparrow, Love will cheer you up, and cast out all your fear, and when it does, you can dance. :boogie:

 :bigGrin: