Just checkin in before I check out for a hiatus

[Kept]

I just wanted to let you all know how much I appreciate you all and I know I havent posted much lately.

Been going thru a lot of changes in my life. And wrestling with a lot of my beliefs. I honestly dont know how this will all pan out but I feel for a season I need to take my wrestlings elsewhere.

I know some of my latest posts have been a little contraversial here but all I can say is be glad you are not in my head! 

Anyways, didnt want to fade off in the distance without saying something.

love you all
kept 

[Cardinal]

  Blessings to you always, Kept, in your journey. 

[jfraysse]

Hi and Bye, Sister Kept – I truly understand!

Christianity is VERY complicated and much of it makes no sense to me – never has.  Studying the Bible and Christian History made a few things better but, on balance, made the issues that I had and currently have much worse, especially with respect to the OT.  Even things that Jesus supposedly said and did bother me.  If there is a Creator-God, then his/her message to mankind should be simple and universally clear, I reasoned.

Nevertheless, Thirty-Three years ago, I had an epiphany.  I have no explanation.  I didn't ask for it, nor did I see it coming.  In my spirit, I'm sure it was Jesus that changed my heart, my mind and my life, even though I had no "studied" knowledge of Him.  There were no Christian friends, or preachers, or books, or tracks or TV shows – not even a Bible.  I might have been "crazy" then but the fact is, I have been unable to "shake" what happened since.

So, for 33 years, Jesus has been my "imaginary friend" as some agnostic folks would say – they may be right.  I must accept this as a possibility – that there is no God - personal or otherwise.

Even though I'm nearly 60 and have lead and taught Bible studies, I never proselytized and never liked praying aloud (I like the prayer closet - no "for show" stuff).  To me, Bible-Based Christianity is so complex and self-contradictory.  How could I recommend this "faith" to anyone, when I didn't understand it myself?  I hate labels and tribalism and still cringe sometimes when others refer to me as a Christian.  In fact, I don't know what to call myself, but I'm completely ok with my "non-label".  This may sound really stupid, but if it wasn't for "My Jesus", I would have left Christianity a long time ago!

However, I don't see the harm in my "delusions" as some would contend.  For all the darkness in the Bible that I don't understand and a World that is apparently out of God's control or concern, Jesus is still the first "person" I greet every morning and the last thing on my mind at night.  His presence is always pleasant to me, even when my house is full of kids and grandkids. 

Perhaps one day, His Spirit will fade from me, but for now the evidence of His Grace is still a fire shut up in my bones and this is as close to "truth" as anything in my life.  For this, I am most grateful!  No Dogmas or absolute Rules, just Provisional and Personal Truths that guide my daily walk - abiding, rich and full.

I like this quote: If God is Truth and Love, then in Truth and Love we shall find Him.  Whether we are His Creation or He is ours, does not change the Nature of the quest.

Good Luck on your journey, precious Kept.  My email is jfraysse@aol.com. Please keep in touch!

(by His) Grace & (in His) Peace, John

[Kept]

WOW that is one awesome post John  TY so much. Im keeping it to read many times.

For me there is a very real knowing in my inner knower that God is Love. I will post something here that happened to me last night,kinda personal but it spoke to me.

Last night I was lying in bed alone just thinking and I said to God, please reveal yourself  to me now, I really need to know in the midst of all this wrestling once more just to know or hear or feel your presence. Just then God reminded me of something from years ago. I was 27 or so and I went to this meeting where this prophet was sharing. He pointed me out and gave me a word. He said that I would marry and that He the Lord would love me thru a man, that my marragie would show forth faithfulness and that he would be my knight in armor. lol

So last night this word was replaying in my mind as it has many times before but this time I heard God say 'Have you been loved?' I said 'Yes sir I sure have!'

Hes good, God is just good

I dont understand it all, so much is up in the air for me but one thing I know

God loves me and He is Love and He is good!

ty so much , copying post John 

kept

[jfraysse]

Cool! There you go. Thanks for sharing!  All I can say is, Amen, Sis!  G&P, me

[fullarmor2]

Hi and Bye, Sister Kept – I truly understand!

Christianity is VERY complicated and much of it makes no sense to me – never has.  Studying the Bible and Christian History made a few things better but, on balance, made the issues that I had and currently have much worse, especially with respect to the OT.  Even things that Jesus supposedly said and did bother me.  If there is a Creator-God, then his/her message to mankind should be simple and universally clear, I reasoned.

Nevertheless, Thirty-Three years ago, I had an epiphany.  I have no explanation.  I didn't ask for it, nor did I see it coming.  In my spirit, I'm sure it was Jesus that changed my heart, my mind and my life, even though I had no "studied" knowledge of Him.  There were no Christian friends, or preachers, or books, or tracks or TV shows – not even a Bible.  I might have been "crazy" then but the fact is, I have been unable to "shake" what happened since.

So, for 33 years, Jesus has been my "imaginary friend" as some agnostic folks would say – they may be right.  I must accept this as a possibility – that there is no God - personal or otherwise.

Even though I'm nearly 60 and have lead and taught Bible studies, I never proselytized and never liked praying aloud (I like the prayer closet - no "for show" stuff).  To me, Bible-Based Christianity is so complex and self-contradictory.  How could I recommend this "faith" to anyone, when I didn't understand it myself?  I hate labels and tribalism and still cringe sometimes when others refer to me as a Christian.  In fact, I don't know what to call myself, but I'm completely ok with my "non-label".  This may sound really stupid, but if it wasn't for "My Jesus", I would have left Christianity a long time ago!

However, I don't see the harm in my "delusions" as some would contend.  For all the darkness in the Bible that I don't understand and a World that is apparently out of God's control or concern, Jesus is still the first "person" I greet every morning and the last thing on my mind at night.  His presence is always pleasant to me, even when my house is full of kids and grandkids. 

Perhaps one day, His Spirit will fade from me, but for now the evidence of His Grace is still a fire shut up in my bones and this is as close to "truth" as anything in my life.  For this, I am most grateful!  No Dogmas or absolute Rules, just Provisional and Personal Truths that guide my daily walk - abiding, rich and full.

I like this quote: If God is Truth and Love, then in Truth and Love we shall find Him.  Whether we are His Creation or He is ours, does not change the Nature of the quest.

Good Luck on your journey, precious Kept.  My email is jfraysse@aol.com. Please keep in touch!

(by His) Grace & (in His) Peace, John

   Thats quite a perspective you have there.  I like how you emphasize a personal relationship with Jesus. Thats what its all about.  Because thats what motivates and empowers us to do all the rest, regarding good works and loving others.

[Taffy]

Hi Kept

Just popped in myself to say"youll be missed for a season around these parts"

Many Blesings

Taffy

[chuckt]

Blessings to you dear sister, may you rise up as and eagle.....

inlove
euty er um chuckt

[shibboleth]

My Dear Kept....I haven't commented much on your "controversial" posts, because I felt the same way. I just haven't suffered as much as you have because of them. God has been pulling down many of the high towers in my life that I built from denominational teachings.

I know you love God and I can see your heartfelt need to know the truth. Sometimes God takes us through a dark valley before He reveals His light to us. I pray God will bring you through shortly so you can join us again and share again what you have learned.

John that was an excellent post and I plan on copying it or rereading it.

[Kept]

Thanks Friends

 

kept

[shibboleth]

However, I don't see the harm in my "delusions" as some would contend.  For all the darkness in the Bible that I don't understand and a World that is apparently out of God's control or concern, Jesus is still the first "person" I greet every morning and the last thing on my mind at night.  His presence is always pleasant to me

No kidding about the darkness in the Bible. I'm reading the OT and writing out my questions as I read. I have 30 pages of questions and comments and I'm only on Exodus!!! Man, the Bible can be a complicated book if you ask a lot of questions and just don't accept the status quo answers.

I also am holding onto Jesus no matter what because He's all I have that's worth believing in. Can't explain it, but He's become a part of me and no matter what happens in life, He's always with me.

[Sarah]

John,

Thirty-Three years ago, I had an epiphany

What was the epiphany?  just curious.

   Sarah

[jfraysse]

Hi Sister Sarah:  The "epiphany" was no big thing, but rather a simple awareness of my Creator.  Like a stranger coming through a door and then introducing him or herself.  Somehow, I knew this "person" to be Jesus.  I didn't understand it then and I don't understand it now.  It could have been bad pizza, or perhaps God uses the small things, like a simple "hello" to confound and humble the "wise", logical and rational mind that I so zealously seek and covet. (1 Cor 1:27) 

So here I am trying to rationally explain the irrational - very humbling.  Nevertheless, I am at peace with it and must conclude that if I wasn't crazy, I would go insane!

Grace & Peace, John

[phoebe]

For me there is a very real knowing in my inner knower that God is Love. . . Hes good, God is just good . . . God loves me and He is Love and He is good! . . .

 kept

Hi kept.  You're on the right track!   

God will be with you because He already is!

phoebe   

[jfraysse]

Brother Fullarmor2:  Amen!  Agreed, Bro!

Sis Shibboleth:  Hang in there, Sis!  There's a perfect work in you, just waiting to burst out!

Sis Kept:  We all Love you and I, for one, can trust God with the good heart He has given you!

G&P, John

[Joian]

Hi Kept,

Read this today from Chip Brogden and thought of you........

Love,
Joian

"Now when John heard in the prison the works of Christ, he sent two of his disciples, and said unto [Jesus], 'Are you the One that should come, or do we look for another?'" (Matthew 11:2,3).

John's ministry reached its height when Jesus came down to the river Jordan to be baptized. There John saw the heavens opened, saw the Spirit of God descending upon Jesus like a dove, and heard a Voice saying, "This is my beloved Son, in Whom I am well pleased." With evidence like this it is difficult to doubt; and so, with great authority and conviction, John said, "I saw, and bare record, that this is the Son of God" (John 1:34).

John knew his purpose had been fulfilled, and with great eagerness he handed the reins over to the One he had so faithfully proclaimed. He had prepared the way, and now the One he had been preparing everyone for had arrived.

Shortly thereafter, John was arrested and put into prison. His work was complete, his sun was setting, and just as he had said, Jesus was increasing and John was decreasing. But oh, what a decrease! The ministry was finished, the crowds were gone, and John was left alone in prison with only a few disciples who came to visit him.

When everything is stripped away you are soon left with little but your own thoughts. In prison, John had a lot of time to think. And the essence of his thoughts were along these lines: Did I make a mistake? Is Jesus the Son of God, or not? If He is the Messiah then where is His Kingdom? Why doesn't Jesus do something? Did I really see the Spirit and hear the Voice, or was that just my imagination? And if He isn't the One, do we need to start looking for another?

We can all take comfort in the knowledge that even the greatest prophet who ever lived (Luke 7:28) can have troubling thoughts, moments of doubt, and crises of faith. We all experience times when the darkness mocks us and circumstances try to convince us that the best course is to "curse God and die" (as Job's wife so eloquently put it). We can afford to be philosophical and detached about Jesus increasing and us decreasing while we are still ministering out by the Jordan, but in prison the truth of what we have been proclaiming is put to the test. Sadly, many of us fail the test. Jesus simply does not do what we expect – and this upsets us!


To read more......http://www.theschoolofchrist.org/articles/another.html

[studier]

What controvercial postings? Let me at 'em.

Just kidding. If they were controvercial without reason, you would have found me pounce on them when I read them. I don't think I seen much controversy from you Kept, but you take care and relax yourself as you take your hiatus.

God Bless,

[whyiloveitaly]

Kept:
I don't think I've ever written a message to you directly. Nonetheless, I'm glad I caught this post because I wanted to say to you that I just got finished reading the 30 pages on sovreignity, and what I noticed through it all is that the women who posted there were by and far the ones who were humble, accepting, encouraging, supportive, and of a reconciliatory nature. And that, I believe, is GOD's nature.

Maybe we men just don't get it sometimes...

Anyway, I really enjoyed reading your encouragements and questions. God is leading you as He is leading all His creatures, so I don't know if it's my place to say to hang around or not.

I will say that you'll be missed. A lot.

Blessings of the Lord be upon you!
Brian

[fire walker]

Kept,

many times your responces and posts have been of an uplifting spirit in my time here at tentmaker, have received and been edified by the spirit of truth in your fellowshiping and insights,
we all have our " walking by faith" journey passing through this world, though sometimes we are lead to pass through the valley  we are never left orphaned, I very well mean it to say you are going to be missed in your leave long or short form Tentmaker but not forgotten, may inner peace, guidance, rest and comfort be with you as the spirit draws you in the living word from above in Christ.

PS Yes, God is love as we mankind are also to love one another, love can not be measured.

Peace,
Fire Walker

[Redkora]

Take care! 

[Pierac]

Hi Kept,

Enjoy your hiatus!

See ya next month!   

Paul

[reFORMer]

I once had to take a very little pill a couple times a day.  My problem developed over several weeks.  It seemed the pill caught in my throat just under my Adam's apple.  So I wrapped it in bread to swallow it.  It seemed it still caught there.  I'd drink much water and it wouldn't go down.  Incredibly, after eating an apple it seemed it was still there.  I guessed it was somehow stuck, maybe in some crannie, or adhered.  I'd even gotten to gasping for breath trying to deal with it.  My brother-in-law who is a doctor told me it was in my mind.  I told him that because he was a doctor I'd believe him, which I did.  I quit obsessing over it and the problem quickly diminished and ceased.

I hope my answers to some of your posts aren't responsible for driving you away.  I don't seem to have the patience to be as comprehensive with my writing as what is in my head or even on my shelf (or boxes.)  Many of the difficulties with scripture have been addressed by others in books available through inter-library loan (if you can get a good librarian to work with you.)  I feel bad when people (like the Jehovah's Witnesses) read only their own doctrinaire material and not those who say, "You're wrong and here's why from the Bible."  Take care to not too much obsess on the controversialist or radical authors and neglect those from the other side of the argument that propose real answers.  I've liked those things when you share more directly from God and the compassion in your heart.  Then I see our unity.  I also like some of the conceptual challenges you posed; but, not only is it harder to reveal your heart when not present in the flesh face to face, even in person I find it difficult, specially when in debate mode, to create an atmosphere of embracing love.  "Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up."  Actually, my whole life seems very love challenged, if you know what I mean.

Sometimes I've had to stop getting into material that was too academic.  I feel the need to be more relevant to the common man.  Then too, a devotional approach is in some ways more edifying.  As one very annointed brother said, "Get under the Holy Ghost spout, 'til the glory comes out!"  We need to pay attention to what gets us into the glory of the presence of God and then keep doing that.  Much controversy wearies the spirit and wars against the soul.  Still, we must seek what fulfills each of our callings, even if it is a temporary side path in order that we can be corrected.

Maybe you'll keep a lite occasional presence here?  When I have thought I've touched your spirit it seemed similar to what your avatar pictures remind me of.  That's a world in my head, a real paradise of imagination that will become more real in ages to come.  No more death.  All tears wiped away.  Children playing.  And faeries are just angels in another guise.  Perfect Everything.

[Joian]

[

[Kept]

Thanks everyone. 

I will still pop in everyonce in a while.

Im going to be so busy though. Lots of changes going on in my life right now. Devoting any online time to personal websites. Those are what I feel the online time should be about at this time and less forum interaction.

love you all and thanks for letting me know that I have a place in your hearts.

you have a place in mine as well.

Take care, Ill pop in and out less and less but never not at all! This place is a part of me.

kept