but if someone is truly an apostate but recognizes they have sinned so badly and still desires to be right with god[unlike ex-christians who say they are now atheists an reject god an dare openly hostile to him] can he still forgive us????
Yes. Yes He can, will, and does. All the condemnation is from religion and not from Jesus Christ.
12 And I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who hath enabled me, for that he counted me faithful, putting me into the ministry;
13 Who was before a blasphemer, and a persecutor, and injurious: but I obtained mercy, because I did it ignorantly in unbelief.
The Apostle Paul committed Christians to death. That was his goal. He did it in ignorance and unbelief, just as you and your sin was done in ignorance and unbelief.
The guilt will be lifted, because Jesus Christ is able to heal us.
8 But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
9 Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him.
10 For if, when we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, being reconciled, we shall be saved by his life.
The call to those who are enemies is never taken away. Christ died for all of us, and we where all enemies in one way or another. It is your desire to no longer be an enemy. That desire is given to you from God. It is God's call to you, and you are in a battle to conform to the Christ that you know to be true. Your desire is pure, because it is from God.
.......................work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.
13 For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.
God is working in you. God is working in your heart both to will and to do of His good pleasure. You can do it through Christ who will strengthen you.
i am sure his spirit is not with me anymore....i have tried for over a year to repent in my heart and to return to him but i only find myself feeling further away and hated by him...jesu said those who sin are of the devil and not of god.....i never wanted to become his enemy or to trample what he did on the cross under my feet....this is why i for so long kept trying to be a light for him despite my messed up state and sins....why does jesus say we will perish-that seems permanent to me...or that blasphemy of the hs can "never" be forgiven....i feel utterly hopeless and i have never thought of him or the spirit being evil...all i want is to be with him na be made right...again...it seems he has rejected me no matter how sorry i feel and how badly i wish to return to him
You've got a lot of things going through your head. They are things that are in the Bible, BUT they must be considered in context.
Jesus does not reject any who come to Him in sincerity. I'm seeing sincerity in you, but you have to overcome the condemnation. Don't stop working it through.
5 Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:
2 By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.
3 And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;
4 And patience, experience; and experience, hope:
5 And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.
It is Jesus Christ who justifies us and brings us peace. He makes the peace. You have access to the peace because Jesus Christ made the way. It is not about your ability, it is about your simple faith. You are a believer. By faith you will find the grace of God again.
You are going through a tribulation experience for the purpose bringing you to the place of humility. In humility we ask. When we ask we receive, and learn to be patient in our faith.
The reason for all of this is so you will be able to Love God more.
47 Wherefore I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little.
48 And he said unto her, Thy sins are forgiven.