I don't know who you are. I don't know who I am. or who anyone is.
Hearing things like "you are the temple of God" or "you are sitting at the right hand of Christ right now" or "heaven is now" or actually anything like that... Those words and those thoughts knock at the door outside of my brain, but those thoughts never walk THROUGH the door. They just sit outside the door, shuffling their feet, kicking little pebbles around. It doesn't make sense to me. So they sit out there, bored. There are a lot of things that people say, a lot of... I HATE to say "catch-phrases" but that's the only thing I can think of at the moment, that just do very little for me. I did not grow up in church. I don't get the language. Most of the time people say stuff and I just really don't get what they're saying.... I just don't.get.it. Sometimes, it seems to make sense, but then I seem to set them outside of the door with all the others. And it makes me feel a bit...alone. Like the little girl with her nose pressed against the glass peering in at her schoolmates, not able to join in their activities.
I feel like I have my back turned to this present world, this present society and I want nothing to do with it. I don't watch TV, I can't stand popular culture, I reject so much of this present world. I don't reject people, just society and people's current ways. I'm deeply sensitive and living in this world is near torture. I keep to myself and abhor going out in the world. If I could, I would spend every waking moment in my backyard just being out in nature. That is when I feel the most ok with me. That is when I feel the closest to God. I LOVE His creation.
But then, since I have my back turned to "Society", I am facing those wanting to know God, and I find myself turning from them as well because I feel I am on the outside looking in. Like I don't belong. I don't understand the language. So I am alone. With an easel set up, painting little pictures of what I think the world should be like and what I hold in my heart to be the truth. I just sit and paint my pictures.... and hold onto my little scraps of what I perceive to be truth. I, used to feel "less than" most of the time, but am slowly learning that I am just..me.
And I am slowly learning that I guess God is ok with "just...me". We are all different. But every life serves a purpose. The low and the high... all will serve a purpose in His grand plan.
So, I don't know who you are, or who I am.... or who anyone is.
But, I can try to describe some of my paintings. My main "painting" is of a supreme being, a creator, GOD... who has created a wonderful existence full of beauty and wonder and amazing things and this is the reality HE wants to live in. Just a beautiful paradise, full of all sorts of wonders, water, air, animals, love, joy and happiness, and He knows that in order for this wonderful existance to be REAL and for it to WORK is for all of creation to be subjected to this existence APART from Him so that we may SEE him for who HE really is, and so that we may be able to EXIST with Him for eternity. We have to basically "rule ourselves", have human rulers, have a world that is somewhat created BY MAN in order to realize that we N-E-E-D God. IF we only EVER knew paradise, we wouldn't be REAL. God's wonderful existence He created would not be REAL. We MUST know the dark in order to SEE and understand and VALUE the light. So that we can SEE and UNDERSTAND LOVE. So that we can THEN see and understand that GOD **IS** LOVE! We would not VALUE our Creator.... if we were never able to STAND BACK and see Him for who He truly is. This life we live on earth is our grand "Standing back" to to speak.
I do not believe that I am just a "thought", but a living spirit inside of a physical shell, a temporary home.
I feel that my REAL home is waiting for me to enter. I feel my spirit is waiting to enter it's REAL body.
What kind of body? who knows! But I believe it will be something I can see and feel.
Kind of like a seed that turns into a flower. Looking at the seed, you would never in a million years dream that it could turn into such a beautiful thing! I see our current physical bodies that way.
My current physical body may disappear into the dust, but the "ME!" gets put into it's real home. a new REAL "body" of some sorts. I just see everyone being so happy and completely in love with God and with each other and with ALL of creation... and just all the animals and flowers, and wondrous things we don't even know about, just this wonderful beautiful world...
Funny, but it reminds me of the Velveteen Rabbit...
The little stuffed animal rabbit cried a real tear, and then turned into a real rabbit.
We have to experience the darkness, in order to become REAL. We have to stand back so we can SEE GOD.
and so that we can finally become... REAL.
Death is the doorway to REALITY.