I saw that Card had left me a little message asking how things were going and thought that I should share with everyone, because I have been wanting to talk to you all lately and not had much time, so i figured that rather than send everyone an individual message it would be better just to say what i have to say to everyone in the one go on here.
Well im doing a lot better!
Things have been really strange lately and so much has been happening.
I have not been online much at all these past few weeks and have been working at getting well (over my depression etc), i dont really want to go back to spending too much time online again as i dont think it was really good for me!
Ive been changing my life around a lot and doing lots of different things and avoiding computers etc for the most part...In the past they had ruled my life as i spent the last 2 years working from home and was never really off a computer. I have had to break a lot of old habits lately to get better and it's been very hard.
Ive been reading all about UR, i accept it now.
Ive been watching tonnes of videos on the subject and praying and repenting and letting Jesus inside and i must say i am doing a LOT better already...I'm much happier, although i cry a lot because my emotions are all over the place right now, but I do feel that love (God) is pulling me through and do feel that once again I am coming to know the REAL God who loves the world, who saved the world and who helped me many many times in my past for which I will always be thankful and for which I feel terrible for letting my best friend down for so long by clinging to false doctrines and doing all kinds of 'evils'.
I have suffered and still am suffering for my sins, which were my own fault and my own doing and the consequences are mine.
Luckily God in his infinite mercy seems to be giving me 'yet ANOTHER' chance to sort myself out and hopefully he will continue to do so so that I can get back on my feet again and in the days ahead i might be able to help others as I was helped.
I feel myself changing everyday.
I feel a lot more love, a lot less hate, a lot less desire to do all kinds of sinful things which were ruining me and bringing me death (believe me).
I have more time for people, have a lot less anger and a lot more patience.
I have become much less judgemental and i hope that all this will continue and i will be striving for it.
Many months ago (long before i joined this forum) i had a bad experience with an electrice fence...
...Basically i didnt know it was an electric fence! (Stop laughing! Haha!)
Anyway i came out of a river, crawled up the bank and right onto the fence, where i was electricuted.
Well...I thought i was having a heart attack, it really pulsed right through my chest.
I fell to the floor and thought
"Oh no..." (or words to that effect).
My foot must have touched the fence again and again i felt a shock and i thought -
"Oh no....im going to die here", I looked up at the sky and i thought -
"Im not ready...I could have done so much better with my life", and all i could think of was that i felt so ashamed of myself and my life that i would not have wanted to meet God at that time...I had let him down, i could have done so much better.
Anyway after 3 jolts from the fence, the wally (me) realized that he wasnt having multiple heart attacks, but was being shocked by the fence.
I had a little cry, thankful i was alive and thought
"Now i need to sort my life out". But i didnt know how.
I went back to the bible, read all about the eternal hell and punishments and vengeance and wrath etc etc, and felt like id have just been as well dying that day, because it all didnt make sense and i got quite miserable.
The hell preachers made no sense, and all i was seeing from Christian mouths was hatred, name calling and to be honest, the thought of being in hell away from such people was starting to look better than Heaven to me.
Then of course i came here, found out that there were in fact others who believed in UR and i learned more about it and am now realiseing that it was the truth i had inwardly known all along.
I love the message of UR because from the very first time i picked up a bible, i inwardly knew that God would save everyone...somehow. Although in recent years i did doubt that a little, i always knew that God (love) would never fail, and would eventually find a way to heal this broken world and all the broken hearts of the world, although from reading Bible translations with the word 'eternal' and 'hell' etc etc, what was I to do? What was I supposed to believe? I was very mixed up.
Thanks for everyone's prayers....And i know that some of you have been praying or at least thinking of me in your thoughts, because i have made a good recovery already and have felt a lot of love.
Im having good days and bad days and am up and down a lot, hopefully i will get more time soon and will be able to talk to everyone again individually at some point (im staying away from home with good friends right now).
Im really thankful to everyone on here.
The modern Christian thinking for the most part brings death, but this message brings life....It has made me WANT to please God and not want to run from him anymore as i have been doing these last few years....And in some ways I can't blame myself for that, it can be very confusing and I pray so much for people who are struggling with their false doctrines etc and honest agnostics, searching for love and truth but they just cant find it.
When im better i want to help those people.
I havent forgotton any of you and will be back soon.
Totally love you all.