Is this the real me?!!!!!

[Nancy]

Hi ya all,
Haven't spoken to you for some time now but i always know that i can unburden my soul with you all and that to me is priceless.
I always try to be honest in my opinion of myself.  I know that i can be an arsehole the majority of the time!

I have always thought of myself as a 'nice' 'kind' 'christian' type of person. But now i'm not so sure! I was bought up to be a good catholic, to always go the extra mile, to always smile to people, etc, etc.  But at the age of 43, i feel that this is not me anymore. I seem to get more respect if i tell people what i think instead of just smiling sweetly.

I feel like a fraud. That i have been putting on an act saying that i am a christian, when maybe i am just playing one.  I think the real me is a very anti-social, selfish and not very loving type of individual, especially to people who don't show me respect.  I am not following Christs' commitment to love my enemies at all.

This has come to the fore now that my father in law is widowed and my husband and i help him where we can.  But i find that with my nature i can end up doing everything.  i don't wish to be treated as a servant, especially when i know he can afford a weekly cleaner.
My point is i feel guilty because i feel that i am being hard and unchristian.  But how far do you take this?

sorry for long post!
Godbless
Nancy

[Raggedy Anne]

Nancy,

You are likely going through a certain phase.  Our feelings change from day to day and from week to week.  Sometimes I get a terrible attitude, usually after I've been treated badly by a number of people for no apparent reason.  It doesn't mean you're not a "Christian" (who really likes that term anymore anyway?).   It means you're struggling - you're going through a rough patch - you're feeling your human weakness.   And the good thing is that you are acknowledging the way you are and the way you feel rather than pretending not to be in a spiritual slump.  Honesty with ourselves is very important no matter how yucky the truth is at any given time.   I usually cry out to God when I get totally disgusted with my own self and admit to him that I am weak!  Sometimes I try to fix things on my own before I get to the end of my rope though.   It seems that God spends a good amount of time waiting for us to get to the end of ourselves - to give up!

Hope that helps you somehow, Nancy.  I know what you mean when you say "Is this the REAL me?"  That happens to me quite regularly - it is such a crazy, chaotic world we live in.

 
Anne

[WhiteWings]

I feel like a fraud. That i have been putting on an act saying that i am a christian, when maybe i am just playing one.

A Christian is also told to avoid certain situtuation to avoid being tempted. Or to follow certain rules. That's also acting. Many things in life are just trained behavior.
So, Nancy, perhaps you are one of the few frauds that's aware being a fraud.
Is that good or bad?

[eaglesway]

Every Christian struggles with the "old man". The fraud is the person who is not aware of their faults. This reflection of another person within us, this duality- is a part of the consciousness that leads us to depend upon God. He sees us as we have been and loves us nevertheless and that love is transforming us. Within that love and forgiveness is the seed of who we really are in Christ, growing in grace, and sometimes it seems we have so far to go-

I know in whom I have believed and I am persuaded He is able to keep that which I have committed to Him against that day

He that has begun a good work in you will finish it until the day of Jesus Christ

Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
(Heb 12:1-2)

My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous; and He Himself is the propitiation for our sins; and not for ours only, but also for those of the whole world.
(1Jn 2:1-2)

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
(1Jn 1:9)

[Zeek]

Every Christian struggles with the "old man".

many non christians struggle with the "old man", often named as the "ego, false self, etc" and work at disidentifying themselves from "it" and in the process find peace, joy and love from within.  I see minimal difference in the process (of "christians and non christians who are on this journey) other than use of different terms.  
      

[claypot]

Hey Nancy, I think I know exactly how you feel and the others here who responded gave excellent thoughts.

I can only add something that has lately helped me to no end in this area. It is this.....

It is God who is working in you/us to will and to do of His good pleasure.

This is not just a 'verse' to me anymore, it is a reality. Nancy, it is God who is at work in you doing as He desires. You are the vessel that is being formed. If Jesus Himself needed to be perfected through sufferings then who are you and I to complain when we must endure suffering and what is questioning our motives and finding them wanting, but suffering?

For it became God, for whom [are] all things, and by whom [are] all things, in bringing many sons unto glory, to make the captain of their salvation (Jesus)  perfect  through  sufferings .heb2.10

cp

[Beloved Servant]

Amen CP.
Jesus is the pattern that we must follow by the charge of His Holy Spirit to lead us unto all truth.
If one ever has a doubt as to what a Christian truly is we only need to look to Jesus.
Trying to be perfected by our own works is the idolatry of the Jews.

Jesus poured out His life for all.
We are His body that has no life in it but His.
Matthew 10:39; To save your life is to lose it, and to lose your life for My sake is to save it.

[Nancy]

hi ya
i liked what you said Beloved Servant in that we mustn't try to please God with our own form of righteous only Christ's.  The trouble is i think having 'catholic blood' in me so to speak i very much try to work to get righteousness.
i often feel that i am on my own with these things but like my husband says, if you are feeling something you can bet that hundreds if not thousands of people feel exactly the same!
thanks again, love you
Godbless
Nancy

[Beloved Servant]

Hubris
Avarice
and the pride of life.
Yes, all man is tempted of these things.
The lie is that we can not overcome them.

The real "you" is in Him.
John chapter 14 is a beautiful representation of this as He promises to give us remembrance to it.
"I in You, You in Me, We in Them."

verse 30: The devil has nothing in Me!

allelluiah

[eaglesway]

"But if, while seeking to be justified in Christ, we ourselves have also been found sinners, is Christ then a minister of sin? May it never be! "For if I rebuild what I have once destroyed, I prove myself to be a transgressor. "For through the Law I died to the Law, so that I might live to God.

"I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me. "I do not nullify the grace of God, for if righteousness comes through the Law, then Christ died needlessly."
(Gal 2:17-21)

Whereof I am made a minister, according to the dispensation of God which is given to me for you, to fulfil the word of God; Even the mystery which hath been hid from ages and from generations, but now is made manifest to his saints: To whom God would make known what is the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles; which is Christ in you, the hope of glory:
(Col 1:25-27)